Peter's Place

An Open Letter to Pastor Daniel Hamlin

2012-02-02T23:05:00.005-05:00

I just e-mailed the following letter to Pastor Hamlin, at pastor@greenbeltucc.org, with a cc: to the Miss Greenbelt Pageant organizers, at natasha@missgreenbelt.com, christine@missgreenbelt.com (they list no other contact information on their web site, at http://www.missgreenbelt.com/ )

* * *
Dear Pastor Hamlin:

I write to you because you are listed as a supporter of the Miss Greenbelt Pageants. As a church and religious organization with clear pro-marriage equality stances, I would like to know why you are supporting this clearly anti-LGBT organization and one of its start spokespersons, Little Miss Greenbelt, Sarah Crank.

A few days ago, 14-year old Little Miss Greenbelt, Sarah Crank, who is home-schooled by her very anti-LGBTQ Concerned Women for America lobbyist mother, told the Maryland state legislature, and I quote, "It would be the best birthday present ever if you would vote no on gay marriage." and "People have the choice to be gay, but I don’t want to be affected by their choice.", as well as " I don't want any more kids to get confused about what's right and OK."

Sarah's mother, who serves as her sole educational resource and life coach, has been lighting up the blogosphere trolling articles which have reported about this travesty of child abuse.

I would like to know why you, as a supportive and pro-LGBT church and religion, are sponsoring this expulsion of hatred.

I ask that you immediately withdraw your sponsorship of the Miss Greenbelt pageant and condemn the words, intent, attitude, meaning, and sentiment of the hatred espoused by Miss and Mrs. Crank. If you do not do so, I would be happy to bring your support of this hate-spewing, homophobic organization and its spokespersons to the Central Atlantic Conference of the United Church of Christ.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I do hope that you will do the right thing and continue to spread and share the joy and love of Jesus Christ, instead of supporting and promoting the ignorance and hatred that those such as the Miss Greenbelt Pageant and their spokesperson, Sarah Crank, choose to falsely ascribe to the teachings of love from Jesus Christ and God.

Very sincerely yours,
-Peter C. Frank

A Decade in Review; A Life in the New (or, Peter's Pretentious Prattle)

2012-01-31T09:30:00.000-05:00

It is with a sense of tearful melancholic irony that I look back upon the past few decades of my life and examine what was in a futile attempt to determine what will come to be.

Two decades ago from today, I was breezing through the first year of my studies at university, even while carrying a work load of 24 or 26 credits per semester. In fact, I already had become a sophomore, credit-wise, even though it was my first year of "higher learning."

My problem was that I found little difference in the teaching methods between my secondary school teachers and the professors at my university of higher learning. The fault was not with the professors' profferings but rather the unparalleled acerbic academics of my secondary school teachers—something which, quite unfortunately in today's banal society, one finds less often than the chances by which one can be struck by lightning.

Exactly ten years ago today, I should have died; I did not do so. Instead, I have found renewed purpose—perhaps even a sense of hope among all the doom and gloom of my intellectual pursuits.

Perhaps it is done in order to satiate the human brain's need of order within all the chaotic flotsam and jetsam contained within the data rhythms of sensory input that we humans are able to "pinpoint" pivotal moments in our lives, upon which have launched tributaries of change in the linear graph we humans call, simply, "life."

Or, perhaps it is just that our pre-programmed pragmatic neural pathways are otherwise incapable of such abstract realities that we seize upon certain moments in "time" instead of allowing ourselves the meek luxury of enjoying the sojourn through inter-cosmic strands of Silly-String tying our eternal Oneness together.

Whatever the case may be, I once was alive--very, very alive--then almost died. And in fighting for and attempting to reclaim some of that prior life, I've come to that aged revelation of just how little of "life" (or what we consider to be life) is, in face, being alive. Most of it is the muck and dreck "society" lays upon our bereaved shoulders.

There is but one thing I have discovered that remains real, alive, and unchanged throughout the myriad morphings of societies' demands: LOVE.

It is Love, the universal and eternal source of energy, that has allowed me to remain calm in the face of inter-familial quabbles and deflect the hatred lashed out and me, responding instead with pity—not the very same hated fired upon me in misguided outrage all in the name of one's so-called "religion." I discovered an ability to absorb negative energy and convert it into a more positive form of energy.

It is Love, the universal and eternal source of energy, that has exposed one very important purpose I can serve here while in this space, in this very vessel of being. I always have been politically involved in my "adult" life, serving as advocate for those unable to do so themselves. In fact, my "chosen career path"—that of the attorney—is dedicated to this noblest of noble ideals.

It is Love, the universal and eternal source of energy, that has given me a sense of hope for a future—the mere fact there can be a future. Love of the within and the without, the internal and the external, the subordinate subservient versus the domineering predominant.

Indeed, when reading earlier of the passing on of the noblesse that was Camilla Williams into the eternal expanse of energy, I became, at first, enraged with its placement in the "Entertainment" section instead of front-page news. That anger subsided as I was filled with the Love that was her life in all respects and aspects: how silently she battled the hatred and negative energies of society with tear-evoking, theme-filled magically melodious music created from the Love within her and how society changed as a result.

The minutiae of life's little details obscure and preoccupy most with their reckless requirements. Taking a trip to death's door and back, I am left with but one universal truth:

Love thy self, and everything will fall into place. Or, to put it in other words,

LIVE LOVE, BITCH!

Much Ado About Nothing

2011-09-03T20:37:00.000-04:00

There's a story that's been going around lately, and it's pretty true, that a bunch of Muslim women were recently arrested at the Playland Amusement Park in Rye, New York (which is owned by the Westchester County Government--the only amusement park in the nation so owned by a governmental entity), for causing a disturbance and protesting the park's refusal to allow them entrance on the park's many rides while wearing their headgear.

Being a life-long resident of Westchester County and friends with folks who've worked at Playland over the years, I have an issue with this entire story. It's being made out that the Muslim women were singled out, and that's just not the case.

Here's the fact of the matter:

Anyone wearing any sort of headgear, including scarves, is not permitted on any ride at Playland, for safety reasons: If the women were allowed onto the rides and one of them were choked to death because their scarf (their headgear) loosened or got caught on the equipment during a ride, then they would be clamoring to sue. This is the reason that headgear of any sort is not allowed on rides; it can come loose and cause injury.

[EDIT]Apparently, as some of my friends in the social sphere have pointed out, these women have never heard of Isadora Duncan.[/EDIT]

The women could just as easily have left their headgear with the attendants of the ride for retrieval for when they were finished with the ride, much as has been done with assistive devices (such as canes/walkers) that some patrons require to aid their walking.

If these women simply had removed their head gear for the ride, they would have been let on. The women were issued refunds for their tickets but, basically, decided to make much ado about nothing, IMHO.

The Most Incredible Journey

2011-08-26T01:50:00.004-04:00

Last week, I took a trip down to Memphis, Tennessee, right in the heart of what we northerners might call the "Bible Belt."

Why would I, an out gay man, take such a trip? Well, for starters, I wasn't alone. Over 90 individuals representing 26 different states in the USA, as well as the District of Columbia, ventured to Memphis for a life-changing journey in order to undergo training in nonviolent civil disobedience so that would would be enabled and empowered to take direct action and raise both the stakes and the spectrum of the fight for equality for all but especially of us LGBTQ folk. The trip and training were sponsored by GetEQUAL, a queer-rights activist group.

To be completely honest, I went on the trip for some pretty selfish reasons: I wanted to get away for a few days; I hadn't gone on any sort of trip other than for family matters in nearly a decade; I wanted to see the National Civil Rights Museum and determine how much import they'd given to Bayard Rustin, who has mostly been ignored by the Black civil rights movement because he was gay; and last but not least, I did think I could learn a few things and catch a glimpse of some eye candy.

I also had some pretty certain expectations as to what would happen while I was down there: I would be quite a bit bored; I wouldn't be able to wake up in time to attend all the workshops; I would be chastised and castigated for being a Republican in a mostly Democrat-leaning LGBTQ population; I would make a couple of new contacts; and perhaps I would make a new friend or two.

Looking back on what took place last week and finally being able to process a large amount of the past week, as well as having some conversations online with some of the folks I'd met down in Memphis, I'm left both ashamed and blown away by what took place.

With each new step I’ve been taking over the past few years, I’ve managed to meet and become engaged with some truly wonderful, loving, caring, and astounding individuals. This past week was no exception; in fact, if anything, I’ve connected with more such individuals than I ever had done before.

Perhaps I’m just getting older, perhaps my medications are working better, or perhaps I was just excited and knew that everyone attending this insanely information-packed training was there for one purpose: coming together to fight for equality but I found it much easier to speak with individuals in-person at this event that ever before in my life. Ideas were flowing, synergies were colliding, and information was spouting across every sphere of influence.

Yes, there was some eye candy there. But my interest in forming relationships with most of the individuals with whom I met in Memphis go far beyond having someone nice to look at and speak with. There were deep, deep bonds that were made, sometimes across chasms of pain, and it wasn't with just a few individuals. Rather, an amazing, astounding, and perhaps overwhelming number of friendships were forged out of this coalescence, which was the brainchild of a very remarkable woman and her team of cohorts.

Perhaps it was because I saw this as a business trip of sorts that I experienced such little social anxiety in such a large group but I was able to get to know and form a deep friendship with maybe half of the queer-rights activists attending the training. Of that half, there are a few men I'd like to get to know better and explore, over a very long period of time of course, whether or not there's any potential to be more than great friends. But that's secondary to what really happened down there.

The trip to Memphis exceeded my expectations at every level. I was not castigated and shunned for being a Republican; in fact, I was almost embraced. Instead of not being able to wake up in time for the workshops, I actually had difficulty going to sleep. I would estimate I managed to get in a total of 7.5 hours of sleep over the course of five days, and I believe that it was due to the tremendous amount of positive energy that everyone brought to the training. The divisiveness that usually is present when large groups of LGBTQ folk get together wasn't there; we were a coalition united around a certain truth: Equality For All is a fundamental right whose time is long overdue and we demand its immediate implementation.

I didn't make just a few connections and one or two new friendships. I connected with almost every single one of the other individuals present at the training, and formed deep bonds of friendship (or the beginnings thereof) with nearly half of them.

I was already familiar with a good deal of the information presented in many of the workshops held over the course of the 4-day training session; however, I did learn and much of the information that was presented, while I might have known it, had sunken to the deep recesses of my memory, so it was good that they were brought to the fore of my mind. It truly was a staggering amount of information that was presented; think of it as an intensive course -- you know, the type you take in college where you sit for a class six Saturdays out in a row and get a full semester's worth of classes in such a short time-span. So I wasn't bored out of my mind, either.

I am still in awe of what took place last week, and owe a great deal of debt and gratitude to Robin McGeHee, GetEQUAL's director, and her cohorts Heather Cronk (GetEQUAL's Managing Director), Dan Fotou, Jase Watson, and countless others whose dedication and hard work helped make the training the raving success it turned out to be.

I didn’t realize the true intent of Robin’s organizational symphony until very late Friday night (around 11pm). Earlier in the evening, Robin spoke about how she wasn’t bringing us all together to form a new organization. She said some other things, and all of a sudden, New York’s recent triomphe of marriage equality popped into my head. I couldn’t get it out of my head so I started playing with it a bit, poking and prodding here and there. I soon discovered some similarities between how marriage equality was actualized in New York and what Robin was doing, and it came down to one sentiment: coalition-building.

Instead of telling folks that she was attempting or wanted to build a coalition, she built it. Instead of asking folks to come together to fight for a common cause, she brought them together. Instead of worrying about “process” and “procedure,” she worried about “content” and “logistics.”

In short, Robin got an idea in her head and set out to effectuate its realization. And in doing so, she gathered together a truly wondrous group of 90 or so individuals into a coalescence of ideas, information, thoughts, energies, synergies, and actions. I would feel the love, the togetherness, and the oneness in the room as we progressed throughout each day, each presentation, and each training exercise and it renewed me. It energized me, and it filled me with impetus to take action.

So much so was the strength of this impetus to take action that I began planning a direction action event--a flashmob--to occur in the midst of our training: GetEQUAL activists planned to protest Urban Outfitter’s discriminatory and unequal treatment of its LGBTQ employees, such as not giving or even offering health benefits to LGBTQ employees’ partners or spouses. And that’s something that was not included on the agenda; it’s something that was organized and put into effect in less than 24 hours. It’s something that spoke directly to the training we were receiving this weekend. In essence, it was our “final exam” for the class. (The protest didn't take place due to logistical difficulties; many of the participants had to leave early to return to their homes and thus we were left with an insufficient number of participants to make the prosecution of the planned flash mob worth it.)

My life will forever be changed as a result of attending this training. And, I have a better idea of why I was made to go through all that I have endured in life, especially during the past ten years or so. For that, I owe Robin a universe of gratitude, admiration, and love.

To give you an idea as to the caliber of individual I've bonded with, in response to some of the blog posts that many of you have read right here, chronicling the my life over the past decade, as well as my own story as to why It Gets Better, I received this comment:

What impresses me so much about what you have shared is that through all the ugliness you are so sweet and giving of yourself. You have a basic kindness about you that I find so beautiful.

A lot of people in your circumstance could be bitter or paralyzed with devastation. But instead, every interaction I have had with you has been with a brilliant, kind, caring person.

And that is pretty effing remarkable.

That an individual could not only recognize this about me in the short period of time we've known each other but feel a need to vocalize their feelings about it to me, well, it leaves me speechless, humbled, and with a renewed determination and passion to fight on behalf of those who cannot fight for themselves, so that we may some day look back on this and scratch our heads and wonder just what the heck all the fuss was about.

And so it is with profound and great love, gratitude, and the deepest respect for my new friends that I write and dedicate this post to them, the Memphis 90+, for I believe we will be seeing great things coming from this historic gathering of individuals who created, and will continue to make, history.

Journeying Into Old Age

2011-08-12T04:01:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I had my first real experience on the journey into old age, and it wasn't fun.

I've not been feeling well for a while now; at the beginning of the month I was having "stomach issues" and I've just generally been feeling pretty run down.

Around 7pm yesterday evening, I began experiencing a great amount of pain in my chest, which made it difficult for me to breathe. I wasn't doing anything physical, and hadn't done anything physical in a while. In fact, I was sitting on my bed, as usual, on my laptop computer.

I called a few friends to see if I they had any idea of what might be happening, and was able only to get hold of one. She suggested that I go to the emergency room ("ER") right away, as chest pains might be related to the heart.

At first, I postponed such action as it didn't feel like my heart, per se. But as the minutes ticked by, the pain became worse, and it became increasingly difficult to breathe. The pain spread to my shoulder, back, neck, and head. The best way I can describe it is that it felt like someone was standing in the middle of my chest, on the inside. There was pressure but the pain mostly originated from within my body.

It wasn't the sort of tightness I normally would have associated with an asthma attack. I'd never before experienced anything like it. The pain increased exponentially as I inhaled, and it got to the point where I could only take very, very short, shallow breaths.

Twenty minutes after the pains began, I called 911, and reported that I was having chest pains and difficulty breathing. I have VOIP service from my cable company, and they advertise providing E-911 services with their VOIP service.

The 911 operator asked me where I lived, and I had to give him my address. It was quite difficult to talk, mostly due to the fact that I could only take very short, shallow breaths. He then told me to hold on and wound up transferring me to an EMS operator, where I had to repeat myself, including giving them my address.

I have verified with the cable company that the E-911 service that comes with my VOIP phone service through the cable company automatically transmits my address to the 911 call center. They are, however, running diagnostics to ensure that it was transmitted correctly yesterday.

There's no reason I should have had to spend just over two minutes on the phone with 911 to get an ambulance to show up. In my opinion, what should have happened was that as soon as I said I was having difficulty breathing, they should have asked if I wanted an ambulance sent to me and if I responded in the affirmative, should have read my address to me and asked if that's where I wished the ambulance to be sent.

I went outside of my apartment building to wait for the ambulance, which arrived pretty quickly. Once they got me inside of the ambulance, on the stretcher, they prepared to head to hospital, and the ambulance broke down. They had to radio for another ambulance to arrive, which took less than five minutes.

The EMS response was very good, in my opinion, and they treated me well. They allowed me to write down answers to questions (such as contact info, insurance info, medications taken, allergies, etc.) so I wouldn't have to talk, as they saw I was having difficulty with that. They took my pulse, blood pressure, and performed a few EKG, as well as measured my oxygen levels.

So once in the second ambulance, we took off for hospital. They asked which hospital I wanted to go to -- there are two of them in Yonkers. The one I'd gone to in the past (for less serious health matters) was supposed to be the worst of the two, so I opted to go for the one that's supposed to be better.

I was taken (on the stretcher) from the ambulance into the ER and placed into a room. I would say that approximately one-third of the rooms in the ER were occupied when I arrived. The first person I saw who came to the room I was in was the registration clerk. He took my insurance information, and was kind enough to take other information he need from my phone.

After about 20 or so minutes of being in the room, the triage nurse came in to see me. She hooked me up to the blood pressure and oxygen monitors, and took my temperature. As she was doing this, she began asking me some basic questions, such as what medications I was taking and if I had any allergies. Since I had already given this information to the EMS technicians, I was somewhat peeved that I had to repeat myself, as EMS techs usually transfer that info to the ER the few times I'd been taken to the ER by ambulance in the past.

She finally got around to asking me what was wrong, and I began telling her. As I was describing the symptoms I was having to her (which was difficult as I the pain was getting worse and it was extremely difficult for me to breathe, due to the pain), she left the room. I mean, she actually walked out on me while I was talking to her, without saying a word. No "I'll be right back" or anything.

Even more time passed, and another technician came in, who performed an EKG on me.

Approximately two hours after I entered the ER, the doctor on call finally came in to see me. She was very nice, and listened to all of my concerns. She examined me, and ordered medications as well as a number of tests, including a slew of blood tests. She advised me that she didn't think I was having a problem with my heart, and I agreed with her as it didn't feel like that. The doctor told me that the muscles in my right shoulder/neck were having severe spasms, and were impacting on the nerves, thus causing all of the pain and discomfort I was experience, which in turn was making it difficult for me to breathe.

A few minutes after the doctor left me, "my" nurse came into the room, along with a phlebotomist. The nurse administered one of the medications, and they both began poking me to draw blood and hook up an IV to administer some other medication (it took a few tries to fill the eight or so vials needed for all the tests the doctor ordered on my blood work, and I thus was left with a few bandages in different places on my arms and hands--ever since my automobile accident in 2002 where I spent nearly an entire year in hospital, it's been very difficult for phlebotomists and the like to find my veins as most of them had collapsed during that hospitalization).

The oral medication (a muscle relaxant) began to kick in, and as it did so, my pain and discomfort began to decrease.

I was then moved to a different area of the ER, a holding area, and was told that I was being moved there as they were finished treating me. I was finally able to take a normal breath, but breathing deeply was definitely out of the question. If I tried to do so, pain would immediately kick in and shoot from the bottom of my rib cage straight through to the top of my head.

About an hour after she first came to see me, the doctor returned to speak with me. She asked how I was feeling, and said that she could tell, visually, that it looked like I wasn't in anywhere near the pain and discomfort I was when she first saw me. She advised me that my blood work came back fine, except for an elevated white blood cell (WBC) count. However, since I didn't have a fever, she didn't think I was fighting an infection but advised I follow up with my regular doctor.

She then told me that I would be discharged, as it seemed her diagnosis and treatment were working. A bit after 11pm, the triage nurse came in to see me, had me sign the discharge papers and gave me some additional paperwork, as well as a few prescriptions. I was then free to go.

In Westchester County, in which Yonkers (where I live) is situated, most buses stop running some time between 9pm and 11pm. I advised the triage nurse that I came by ambulance and no way of getting home, as I didn't have money for a taxi. She told me that she didn't think the hospital could do anything, but I could ask at the registration desk, which she brought me to as I had to fill out some additional paperwork or answer questions (I can't really remember). The clerk at that desk told me that there wasn't really anything they could do for me. I was left on my own.

Mind you, after I had been moved to the holding area (where they moved me after treating me), I began contacting a number of people I knew in the area who might be able to help me out by picking me up to take me home, or something along those lines. However, since it was fairly late in the evening (although early for me, as I'm a night owl), most didn't answer me and I assumed they had gone to bed, which assumption was confirmed in the morning when they began responding to me but, by that time, I myself had gone to bed).

Long story short, as this story is long enough as it is, I sat in the waiting area for about three hours. Seeing that I was there for quite some time, the security guard approached me and asked if I was OK; I told her that I came to the ER by ambulance and had no way of getting home as I had no money for a taxi, and the buses had stopped running by the time I was discharged (I do have a bus card with money on it, and I did have that with me, useless that it was).

The security guard took it upon herself to make some phone calls, and finally was able to secure transportation for me to get home. I got home around 4am, nearly 4.5 hours after I was discharged from hospital.

I'm still feeling a bit icky, and definitely under the weather. I slept for nearly fifteen hours, when I finally did get home and was able to fall asleep.

As I write this, I can breathe normally and even take a modestly deep breath. At certain points during this ordeal yesterday, I know that my anxiety was kicking in and making things worse, especially during the time I was lying in the ER bed waiting to be seen by someone and having such difficulties and in extreme pain.

It should not, in my opinion, have taken a doctor almost two hours to see me after being admitted to the ER, especially as I was brought in by an ambulance (non-ambulatory, or patients brought in by ambulance, are usually given priority in the ER). The ER was neither particular busy nor occupied, from what I could see.

The triage nurse should not have walked out on me while I was answering her questions, especially without saying anything to me.

The ambulance that first arrived should not have broken down, causing me to be transferred to the second ambulance, increasing the amount of time it took to get me to the ER.

I should not have had to give my address to 911 operators, especially as I was having difficulty breathing, and especially as I had to give it to them twice.

I should not have waited the twenty or so minutes I did before calling 911, after the symptoms first appeared.

If I were younger, I would not be nearly as grouchy and not be complaining so much about this experience.

I guess this was my official "welcome to the You're Getting Old club initiation." It was not pleasant. :-p

I have, however, walked away from this journey with some souvenirs:

Souvenirs from my journey into old age.

I'm glad it wasn't a heart attack -- it could very well have been. The technical diagnosis on my discharge papers is "non-cardiac musculoskeletal" something or other (the ink got a bit smudged--event, perhaps?). Whatever it was, it was quite frightening. It's not often I'd call 911 to be taken to the ER, and it's not something I hope to have to do anywhere in the near future, either.

Let Us Never Forget

2011-06-17T08:00:00.002-04:00

I received this in an e-mail, and have verified the information contained herein via Snopes.com.

Look at this lady - Let us never forget!

The world hasn't just become wicked...it' s always been wicked. The prize doesn't always go to the most deserving.

Irena Sendler

There recently was a death of a 98 year-old lady named Irena. During WWII, Irena obtained permission to work in the Warsaw ghetto as a Plumbing/Sewer specialist. However, she had an 'ulterior motive'.

She KNEW what the Nazi's plans were for the Jews (being German).

Irena smuggled infants out in the bottom of the tool box she carried, and she carried a burlap sack (for larger kids) in the back of her truck.

She also had a dog in the back that she trained to bark when the Nazi soldiers let her in and out of the ghetto. The soldiers wanted nothing to do with the dog and the barking covered the kids'/infants' noises.

Irena managed to smuggle out and save 2500 kids/infants in the time that she performed such work.

Unfortunately, Irena was caught, and the Nazi's broke both her legs and her arms, and they beat her severely.

Irena had kept a record of the names of all the kids she smuggled out of Warsaw in a glass jar, buried under a tree in her back yard. After the war, she tried to locate any parents that may have survived and reunited the families, although most had been gassed. The rest of the children she helped were placed into foster family homes or adopted.

A few years ago, it was rumored that Irena was a candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize. She was not selected.

President Obama won a Nobel Peace Prize for his work as a community organizer for ACORN, and Al Gore also won for creating a slide show on Global Warming.

In MEMORIAM - 66 YEARS LATER

Please read the little cartoon carefully; it's powerful.

Then read the comments at the end.

I'm doing my small part by sharing this message.

I hope you'll consider doing the same..

It is now more than 65 years after the Second World War ended in Europe.

This notice is part of a memorial chain, in memory of the six million Jews, 20 million Russians, 10 million Christians (Including 12,000 Jehovah's Witnesses), tens of thousands of LGBT folk, and 1,900 Catholic priests who were murdered, massacred, raped, burned, starved and humiliated!

Now, more than ever, with Iraq, Iran, and others claiming the HOLOCAUST to be 'a myth', it's imperative to make sure the world never forgets, because there are others who would like to do it again.

Problems with the neighbors

2011-05-28T03:39:00.001-04:00

{EAV_BLOG_VER:50d9bce121877b1b}

[EDIT 4 June 2011: Please ignore the first line of this post; I'm having to do some technical stuff with which you need not be concerned...]

I just faxed the following letter to the management company of the apartment building I've been living in for almost six months now:

I write to advise you of an incident that just occurred at my apartment door.

Approximately 15 minutes ago at around 2:45 a.m., a woman began banging on my door almost to the point of knocking it down. She complained that I was making too much noise.

For the first time since I moved into my apartment XX at XXX, a friend came over to help me unpack. As you are aware, I previously have been unable to unpack because the movers stacked everything from my previous apartment to the point where I was physically unable to move anything, due to my physical handicaps.

The woman complained that she’s sick and tired of me sliding things around back and forth and moving things around every morning, and that some people have to work. She stated that this has been going on every single day for months; when I attempted to advise her that this could not be possible as I haven’t even been staying in the apartment for that long, she told me I was “full of shit.”

I can honestly say that I do not know what she is talking about. The people above me and next to me move around at all hours of the day and night. Music will blare at all hours of the day well into the early morning. I do not complain, nor do I have a problem with this.

This is a three-day holiday weekend. As stated, this is the first time I have done any unpacking of boxes or moving of anything around. I don’t have anything to slide around or make any noise. I am not a heavy walker, although I do limp around in my apartment. I try to make as little as possible when moving around in my apartment.

As you are also aware, I tend to be nocturnal. The woman complained that every morning she is awakened by noises of things sliding around and banging going on allegedly emanating from my apartment. For hours she implied this to occur, I am usually asleep.

Additionally, I haven’t even been in my apartment that much, with the exception of the past month or so. Prior to that, family obligations kept me away from my apartment and I usually was staying either at my sister’s in Rye Brook or my mother’s in Hartford.

As my resources are limited, I have to take help when and where I can get it.

I was unable to get to the door to answer it as my friend had temporarily moved some items into the hallway, blocking entrance to the door, so we would work on getting my bedroom in order (I had access to the window with the fire escape in the event an evacuation needed to take place). The woman threatened to call the police if I didn’t stop being so disrespectful to her. I advised her that she should by all means do so if she thought I was that much of a problem, and I could explain my situation to the officers who might arrive at the scene to investigate and they could see for themselves the state of my apartment, what I was doing, and the injuries I sustained in my automobile accident in 2002 that have left me physically disabled.

I do not play music loudly, blast my television, or stomp around my apartment. I cannot help that the floors may creak when I walk on them; such is the nature of a hardwood floor. I usually don’t wear outside footware inside my home, so I’m not clonking around and making a lot of noise on the floors.

I do not know who the woman is. She refused to identify herself.

Should you have any questions, you may reach me at [redacted] or via e-mail at pcfrank73 at gmail.

Thank you for your time and courteous consideration.

Sincerely,

Peter C. Frank

cc: ...

Petition to have hate-filled legislation revoked in NYS & restore dignity to NYS Senators' offices

2011-05-23T02:51:00.003-04:00

I just created a petition at Change.org to have NYS Senate Bill No. S5416 removed for consideration. Here's the text of the petition.

OVERVIEW

New York State Senators Golden and Libous vulgarized the dignity of their offices by introducing hate-based legislation filled with lies and defended their actions to the press by insisting their constituents "don't really give a rat's ass" about social issues. By signing this petition, you will tell Senators Golden and Libous that you firmly insist on their respecting the dignity and purport of their offices, and insist they respect all New Yorkers and treat them with dignity.

New York State Senators Martin Golden and Tom Libous introduced a "Defense of Marriage" bill in the NYS Senate that would prohibit New York State from recognizing same-sex marriages performed out of state. Currently, pursuant to an Executive Order issued by then-governor Patterson, New York State recognizes all legally performed same-sex marriages.

New York State confers over 1,300 rights and responsibilities to married couples. There are tens of thousands of gay and lesbian couples who have married out of state (or in such nations as Canada, where same-sex marriage is fully recognized) whose marriages are currently recognized by New York State pursuant to an executive order issued by then-Governor David Patterson. These couples would have their marriages stripped away by this hateful legislation.

Additionally, the proposed legislation contains a number of factual innacuracies (to put it nicely). Here is the full text of the bill, which can be found at http://open.nysenate.gov/legislation/bill/S5416-2011

S5416-2011

Memo BILL NUMBER:S5416

TITLE OF BILL: An act to amend the domestic relations law, in relation to rendering the status of same sex marriage entered into outside of New York void under New York law

PURPOSE: To affirm that the status of same sex man1age that is recognized, solem- nized or legal in another jurisdiction is considered void in New York.

FISCAL IMPLICATIONS: None.

EFFECTIVE DATE: Immediately.

S5416-2011

S T A T E O F N E W Y O R K

5416 2011-2012 Regular Sessions I N SENATE May 19, 2011

Introduced by Sens. GOLDEN, LIBOUS -- read twice and ordered printed, and when printed to be committed to the Committee on Judiciary

AN ACT to amend the domestic relations law, in relation to rendering the status of same sex marriage entered into outside of New York void under New York law

THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF NEW YORK, REPRESENTED IN SENATE AND ASSEM BLY, DO ENACT AS FOLLOWS:

Section 1.

Section 6 of the domestic relations law is amended by adding a new subdivision 4 to read as follows:

4. MARRIAGES CONTRACTED BETWEEN TWO PERSONS OF THE SAME SEX, REGARD LESS OF WHETHER SUCH MARRIAGE IS RECOGNIZED, SOLEMNIZED OR LEGAL IN ANOTHER JURISDICTION, SHALL BE CONSIDERED VOID IN NEW YORK.

S 2. This act shall take effect immediately.

EXPLANATION--Matter in ITALICS (underscored) is new; matter in brackets [ ] is old law to be omitted. LBD11581-01-1

As can be seen from the text above, they list "fiscal implications" as "none." In addition to voiding all currently-recognized same-sex marriages in New York State, the bill would prohibit recognition of same-sex marriages "in another jurisdiction," violating the Equal Protection and Full Faith and Credit Clauses of the United States Constitution.
Senator Golden quietly announced this piece of legislation but when queried about it by the press, he responded that his constituents in the 22nd Senatorial District "don't give a rat's ass" about such social issues. Senator Libous has remained silent on why he has originated this piece of legislation.

Let your voice be heard; tell Senators Golden and Libous that you DO give a damn and do not want to see this hate-filled piece of legislation enacted into law, and demand that he withdraw the legislation immediately.

Demand that the New York State Senate revoke this repulsive piece of hate-inspired legislation based on lies and omissions, and immediately expunge it from its records.

Please sign it now.

Special Treatment for Gays by Business

2011-05-21T18:14:00.001-04:00

The New York Times published an article yesterday (20 May 2011) entitled For Gay Employees, an Equalizer.

The article reports on the recent trend by a growing number of businesses across all sectors of "grossing up." Essentially, these businesses are reimbursing gay & lesbian employees for the extra tax they must if they add their partner (or their domestic partner's child(ren)) to their health insurance plan.

So, why are some employers creating this special privilege for their gay & lesbian employees--a right their straight employees aren't entitled to? Quite simply, it's because their straight employees aren't penalized with this extra tax burden when they add their spouse to their health insurance coverage. Federal law doesn't deem such health care benefits imputed income and, therefore, does not tax it.

There are a few things to consider:

First, not every employer offers health benefits to the partners of their gay & lesbian employees; in fact, only about 58% of Fortune 500 and a mere 40% of the Fortune 1000 do so (source: Human Rights Campaign).

Of those employers who do offer such health care benefits to the partners of their gay & lesbian employees, only 60 employers "gross up." (source: Human Rights Campaign).

What's more amazing is that these employers are doing this of their own free will and volition, especially since they, themselves, have to pay more in payroll taxes for employees who take advantage of these health care benefits. The federal government considers the healthcare benefits provided to a gay or lesbian employee's partner as income, thereby raising the amount of income deemed to have been paid out to such employee, thereby requiring the collection of increased payroll taxes (FICA, etc.)--again, something to which straight couples are not subjected.

For many gay & lesbian couples, however, what's more important to them than the reimbursement of this added expense for creating and maintaining their families is that their employers view them as with value, and equal to their straight employees in every aspect--even when having to level the playing field means having to pay a little bit more out of pocket.

This is just another area where marriage INequality is costing both employees and their employees needless extra expense because this legalized discrimination is allowed to continue. By allowing same-sex marriages and promoting marriage equality, the federal government would unilaterally eliminate this, and thousands of other inequities promulgated under the law by such marriage inequality.

Special rights aren't right; however, until the federal government can level the playing field, they are a necessary evil required to level the playing field in maintaining equal treatment under the law of all citizens of this great nation.

The New York Times is maintaining a list of employers who offer "grossing up" benefits, broken down by industry.

A Nine Billion Dollar Argument for Marriage Equality

2011-04-29T10:00:00.087-04:00

For the past month, I have been performing various functions as a consultant for Marriage Equality New York (MENY) with respect to their 13th Annual Gala. It feels good to be doing activist and advocacy work again, and also to be working on a project.

What I didn't expect to find was an amazing individual, whom MENY will be honoring at its signature event of the year: Edith "Edie" Windsor.

What does this have to do with the fiscal argument for marriage equality, you might be asking yourself? Quite a bit, actually.

Part of what I'm doing for MENY and its gala is something I do best: information gathering. In seeking out information about one of its honorees at the event (Edie), I came across the complaint she filed in federal court (Southern District of New York), challenging the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).

You see, Edie has had to pay over $360,000 in estate taxes to continue living in the very same home that she and her late wife and partner of 44 years have maintained throughout their relationship.

In reading Edie's complaint, I noticed a fleeting reference (in paragraph 69) to a report by the United States Congressional Budget Office, dated 21 June 2004. Most marriage equality advocates are familiar with the 23 January 2004 report issue by the United States Government Accountability Office, in which they found a total of 1,138 federal laws where marital status is a factor for benefits and responsibilities of married couples. The report is a revision of the GAO's 1997 report, which found 1,049 such federal laws.

Paragraph 69 of Ms. Windsor's complaint against the United States government is a refutation of the fourth reason the US government used in enacting DOMA:

69. The federal government's final rationale for enacting DOMA is that the law advances the government's interest in preserving scarce government resources. Id. at 18. However, according to the Congressional Budget Office, the recognition of the marriages of same-sex couples will increase annual net federal revenue rather than deplete "scarce government resources." [citation omitted, emphasis supplied]

The citation was to a PDF document located online. At first, I thought the reference was to the 2004 GAO report. Luckily, I took another look at the URL and noticed it was different, so I copied & pasted and went to the report.

The report verifies the assertion in the complaint. The report was written shortly after Massachusetts became the first state in the country to specifically legalize same-sex marriages.

Recognizing same-sex marriages would affect federal revenues through both the individual income tax and the estate tax.
* * *

Revenues would be slightly higher: by less than $400 million a year from 2005 through 2010 and by $500 million to $700 million annually from 2011 through 2014. (page 2) [emphasis supplied]

What does this mean? Let's do the math, shall we:

If the United States government recognized same-sex marriages, it would have received 2.9 billion dollars in tax revenues from 2005 through 2010. If you count the next four years (through 2014), that comes to nearly six billion dollars, using the 2004 estimates.

And that was with just one state (Massachusetts) providing for marriage equality. Imagine what those numbers would be now, with the addition of four more states and the District of Columbia (and hopefully soon, the sixth State of New York).

Further, there is this little admission by the United States government buried within the report:

...allowing same-sex marriages could result in behavioral changes that would alter the number of gay and lesbian people in partnered relationships. (page 3) [emphasis supplied]

Presumably, the report is hinting at what we all know: allowing gays and lesbians to marry would strip the religious-right-wingnuts of their argument that homosexuals are a promiscuous lot undeserving of equal protections and treatment under the law.

Further gems in the report include

Currently, about one in three lesbian couples and one in five gay couples live in a household with their own children.5 Those proportions might rise if same-sex marriages were legalized. (page 4)

* * *

Recognizing same-sex marriages would increase outlays for Social Security and for the Federal Employees Health Benefits (FEHB) program, CBO estimates, but would reduce spending for Supplemental Security Income (SSI), Medicaid, and Medicare. Effects on other programs would be negligible. Altogether, CBO concludes, recognizing same-sex marriages would affect outlays by less than $50 million a year in either direction through 2009 and reduce them by about $100 million to $200 million annually from 2010 through 2014. (page 5) [emphasis supplied]

In the best-case scenario, the total savings by the US government for expenditures if same-sex marriage were to be recognized is another billion dollars, over a ten-year period.

As a result, legalization of same-sex marriages would save the SSI program about $100 million a year by 2014, CBO estimates. (page 8)

That's another billion dollars over a ten-year period.

In all, CBO expects, federal spending for Medicaid would decline by about $400 million (or about 0.1 percent) in 2014 because of same-sex marriages and by smaller amounts in earlier years. Because states pay about 43 percent of the program’s total costs, they would realize savings of about $300 million in 2014. (page 9) [emphasis supplied]

This amounts to savings of nearly 3.3 billion dollars over a decade. Additionally, the report indicates a savings of nearly one billion, combined, between savings in Medicare and the Federal Employees Health Benefits Program.

And yet, despite the government's fiscal woes, House Speaker Boehner insists on spending $500,000 to defend upholding these, in the words of the ACLU & NYCLUnine billion dollars to the nation's coffers between savings and income generation.

In my opinion, apart from Speaker Boehner seriously needing to get a clue, I think the $500,000 he has authorized in spending to defend DOMA would be put to much better use by refunding Edie the money she should never have had to pay in the first place, due to blatantly unconstitutional prejudiced discriminatory law.

Nine BILLION Dollars—what possible justification is there for not acting on a simple measure that would promote more stable relationships and infuse the government with much-needed cash?

In response to The Washington Post

2011-04-29T03:17:00.000-04:00

I posted the following as a comment to Ms. Marcus's editorial that appeared in yesterday's Washington Post:

Ms. Marcus,

I feel your editorial to be misrepresentative of the facts at hand. There are two major issues the LGBT community had with King & Spalding's retention by House Speaker Boehner to defend DOMA:

First, King & Spalding has, traditionally, been an ally of the LGBT community, and touted its diversity rating and support of LGBT-issues to prospective clients and law students seeking to work for the firm. Defending a law that denies LGBT people access to over 1,138 federal rights and benefits was an enormous slap in the face to the community and in direct contravention with King & Spalding's long-standing support of the community.

Second, the contract into which Mr. Clement entered King & Spalding with the House of Representatives placed illegal (in at least two states) and unenforceable conditions on the workers of a firm the size King & Spalding. To wit, ALL King & Spalding employees, including the gay partners of King & Spalding who had been with the firm for many years longer than Mr. Clement, were prohibiting, via Mr. Clement's representation of the House in defending DOMA, from advocating or lobbying against DOMA.

The partners, associates, and non-lawyer staff at King & Spalding who oppose DOMA and are supportive of LGBT equality, such as the lawyers from King & Spalding's Atlanta offices who serve on the Board of Directors of the Stonewall Bar Association, including its president, would, essentially, have had to resign their positions either from the firm itself or from their positions they have long held in the LGBT community.

I would also imagine that King & Spalding, given its long-standing support and partnership with LGBT organizations, is actively involved in matters and/or has clients whose representation would violate paragraphs 4(f) and 4(g) of the Contract governing King & Spalding's representation of the House in defending DOMA.

To me, this second reason is most compelling, and in my opinion is most likely the cause for King & Spalding's withdrawal as counsel.

Mr. Clement has not been bullied into withdrawing from representing his client. King & Spalding. He has signed on with a boutique law firm, where his presence makes him the seventh lawyer in the firm. His representation will continue, in a firm that is not encumbered by LGBT-supportive partners and their clients who long pre-date his joining the firm.

Upon re-examination of the impact of being retained to defend DOMA and the conditions placed upon it and its employees by the House of Representatives, King & Spalding made the decision it should have made in the first place.

[Note: The last two paragraphs have been edited and thus appear differently than the comment I originally left in response to Ms. Marcus's editorial; no other changes have been made save the last two paragraphs, which appeared as a single paragraph in my original comment.]

Open Letter to Kelly James, Ph.D.

2011-04-20T17:09:00.001-04:00

So the gay community is up in arms over a soundbite provided by Kelly James, Ph.D., who is an Assistant Professor of Sociology and Criminology at Winthrop University and who serves as faculty advisor for GLoBAL, Winthrop University's Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender Ally League. Apparently, so much so that she's receiving hate mail. It's more unfortunate that people are riled to such levels as they are unable to conduct a civil discourse.

If one takes the time to read articles instead of just headlines, one would find out that Professor James is the bloody faculty advisor for the gay group on campus. So, while her concerns are real and her heart is in the right place, unfortunately, her mind hasn't followed suit. Quoth she, in whole,

But, my first thought was that, "I've got to let my students know" so that when they are out and about in Rock hill that they, you know, act straight, And that’s a sad lesson in 2011 to be teaching young people. I mean, it’s been off the books as a mental illness since 1973.

I'm sorry, Professor James, but you couldn't be more wrong.

Your first thought should not have been advising your students to have to "act straight," even if meant to be sarcastic. (On an entirely different matter, there is the whole debate over just what "'acting straight" entails but I am loathe to examine such things at this time.) Such a suggestion, even if made sarcastically, is not the answer and inappropriate.

While I am thankful of your support and know your heart is in the right place, backing up your statement by stating that you were misquoted or that your remarks were taken out of context, and that you were being blatantly obviously sarcastic, is still an inappropriate response to such situations of violence.

Yes, you should be concerned for your students' safety and yes, absolutely you should let your students know about the attack so they can be vigilant.

But hiding who truly are and repressing how they act is not the answer to the problem that exists, which only has been highlighted by this most unfortunate incident.

I am an atheist. But when I see someone celebrating their faith in their home or at their church or even on the street, I scream out at them, "Go on!" because they are being who they are and are free to express themselves as they are. They are not having to repress something, which can lead to grave psychological trauma.

I have personal experience with such grave psychological trauma. I repressed who I was and nearly didn't survive as a result. It was only when I started expressing myself and not hiding behind the "normalcy" of what society expected of me that I was able to flourish. You can read about it in my blog post, It Gets Better.

And no, I'm not advocating that people run out naked in the streets. But there should be a degree of freedom to act, behave, and express one's self in an appropriate manner without having to fear for their safety.

To this end, instead of advising your students to "act straight" in Rock Hill, if I were you, my first thought would be to let my students know of this travesty and devise an appropriate plan to respond, as loudly and vocally as permitted by law, to such an incident. To stand up and say, "We're not going to take this from anyone." To instil courage and confidence in my students, and say "When would you like me to be marching the streets of Rock Hill in support of your right to be who you are?"

That, Professor James, should have been the response from you.

I hope that my response to your involvement in this incident is more reasoned and resonates better with you than the emotional outcries of some of my brothers and sisters.

We are all human beings and creatures of the universe and as such we all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. That you have not been treated as such is most unfortunate and a travesty that serves only to worsen this situation.

It is my hope that what I have written here will heal some of the wounds that have stung you in recent days.

Ignorance, Prejudice, and Libellous Accusations: Why I live an open life

2011-03-24T09:19:00.003-04:00

When I first started coming out, I learned the value of why one should lead an open life. While I value, and respect, privacy, I've found that leading one's life out in the open has numerous benefits over keeping one's life out of public purview, benefits that are immeasurable.

For this reason, I've lived my life openly, often putting things into the public eye that most others would shy away from doing. I've discussed my mental illness openly and, in doing so, have reaped the rewards of helping others deal with their struggles. I've discussed so many aspects about my personal life, receiving accolades and support all along the way. I've befriended countless individuals and had such positive forces and energy come into my life as a result of living a life where I hide very little, if anything.

It doesn't come as a surprise to me that individuals would try to use my openness against me; what does surprise me is that a judge fell for such obviously twisted ploys, although I don't fault the judge for this, per se.

Yesterday, I attended a hearing in front of The Honorable Robert K. Killian, who presides over The Court of Probate for the City of Hartford, Connecticut, USA. Judge Killian is, at the very least, a second-generation Connecticut lawyer and jurist; I just pray that his father's outdated legal opinions on homosexuality don't carry any weight in his legal practices. The matter before him was a review of guardianship and other issues concerning my younger brother's 3.5-year old daughter. My younger brother (John) brought this action in response to having his guardianship rights over his daughter, Cherokee, terminated by the Court, on application of Cherokee's mother, Yashira Marrero, who gave up her parental and guardianship rights approximately 18 months prior thereto (by her own application), in order to attend school in Virginia. The mother transferred her rights to her own mother, the child's maternal grandmother, Maria Colón.

Background

Last fall, Yashira, a self-proclaimed "christian," (like the rest of her family) petitioned the Court to have her parental rights restored and have John's rights stripped. Due to a scheduling conflict (John is serving a 2.5-year sentence in prison), John was unable to appear at the hearing and the court granted Yashira's application by default action. After learning of the Court's decision, John asked me to help him rectify the situation (I have Power of Attorney over John while he's locked up), and I set about doing so. That is, after all, what family is for. When one member of a family falls down and there are others who depend on them, other members of the family step up to the plate and fill in, until that fallen member is able to rise once again. N'est-ce pas?

Now, why do I put the fact that Yashira is a self-proclaimed "christian" in quotes? Quite simply, I believe that it's because it's a farce that her entire family uses to disguise ignorance, fear, hatred, and prejudice. Let me give you an example: when my sister and I were first introduced to Yashira, the first few words out of her mouth were, "Well I would never have a child out of wedlock; I'm a Christian." Was she married (either to my brother or anyone else, for that matter) when she gave birth to her daughter? Nope, not even close--not even engaged!

People like this use religion (or other group characteristics) to mask who and what they really are. They're the sort of person who appear nice, normal, and average (if you're into the mundane) on the outside but strip away a few layers and you can get into some really icky stuff. I don't know what lies beneath the surface of Maria & Yashira but I have some inklings, and those inklings send chills racing up and down my spine.

The sort of religious fanaticism practised by Yashira and Maria reminds me of the very same religious fanaticism that often can be found in psychotic schizophrenics. Obviously, I'm not a psychiatrist, psychologist, or one who is classically trained to make such determinations. However, having spent a great deal of time around these individuals, especially in my many psychiatric hospitalizations last decade (where I saw the need to put myself in hospital in order to keep myself safe due to suicidal thoughts I was having at the time, as opposed to having been placed there against my will), the resemblance between Maria and Yashira to the individuals whom I met who did have such diagnoses is uncanny. We are talking, after all, about individuals who proclaim to have held conversations with the Devil himself.

Long story short, after a whole lot of rigmarole, a hearing was finally scheduled (yesterday) to review the Court's fall decision. In short, John thought it wasn't fair that total guardianship and control of his daughter vest entirely on the mother's side of the family, especially given that the father's side of the family has a continued interest in being part of the child's life. There have been a number of concerns our family has had over Cherokee's health and well-being and how she is being raised, and how the mother's side of the family attempts to manipulate my mother into doing things for them by threatening my mother with revocation of her visitation with her granddaughter, which visitation has been rescinded in the past when my mother protested.

About a moth or so ago, Maria started telling my mother some pretty tall tales about stories she's heard about me doing drugs. I'm guessing that it was about a month or so ago that a court-appointed social worker visited Maria, who tried to lay into how I'm such a bad person because I'm gay. (Yashira truly believes that, since I'm gay, and a man, I naturally would want to molest girls and therefore has (in her mind) convicted me of child molestation—me, who's advocated for the castration of individuals who have repeatedly been convicted of child molestation!) In any event, Yashira has told both John and my sister, and even mentioned in court and tried to convince the judge that my mother shouldn't be trusted because my mother might allow me to bathe Cherokee, and of course me being a gay man, I shouldn't be allowed to bathe Cherokee because I would molest her in doing so.

Now, all this fear that Yashira has of her child being molested has made me wonder: where is the root of this fear, what is its basis? Was Yashira molested by a member of her family? Did Maria allow this molestation to occur in her household? It really raises some serious questions, especially given the level of irrational fear Yashira has that a male, family member would have any interest in molesting her daughter. Something tells me it's more than just the "you're gay so obviously you molest children" line of thought going on here....

Oh, so getting back to the social worker visit; I posit that at this time, when Maria was told that my being gay would not be an impediment to me visiting with Cherokee and could not be used as a reason to prevent me from seeing her, they began to concoct this whole drug thing, and they're (mis)using some of the information that I disclose about myself. Yes, I have a conviction for drug possession but as I clearly explain on my blog posts about it, I have never tested positive for illegal substance usage, have never had a substance abuse problem, and despite the criminal court's attempts to place me into substance abuse programs (to which I did not object, mind you--look, this is what the court wants me to do, I'll do it to the best of my ability), I was unable to be placed into such programs as each and every single last such program in the County of Westchester, State of New York, USA determined that I did not have such a problem and therefore was unsuitable or unqualified for placement in their program.

So long story short, I firmly believe that Maria and Yashira have conspired to fabricate lies about me regarding my alleged abuse of drugs, especially in front of children (can you imagine such a thing--I mean seriously folks, look around the web for comments I made when that video about someone teaching a kid how to do drugs went viral, seriously!), because they finally came to the realization that they couldn't prevent me from seeing or spending time with or being a part of Cherokee's life solely on the basis that I'm gay--that shit just doesn't cut it anymore in the courts (thankfully!). Because, quite frankly, if I had been doing this for such a long time, why did they not mention this prior to now? The answer, quite simply in my opinion, is obvious: it's a fabrication designed to keep me away from Cherokee because they don't like the fact that I'm gay.

The Hearing

So yesterday, during the hearing, I was on the defensive, and I wasn't given the opportunity to defend myself, either. The lies spewing from Maria's and Yashira's mouths, as they were the sole guardians of Cherokee, were held at face value, and I was ordered to undergo evaluation and assessment by the State of Connecticut -- something I don't have a problem doing because, as I've said before, I'm open about who and what I am.

Some of the lies Maria told the Court:

I was thrown out of my home by my grandfather for doing drugs (I've previously posted on my blog that my father's brother evicted me from my home so that he could move in and live rent-free, and that he, a psychiatric nurse, did this while I was in a very fragile state in one of my hospitalisations, feeding lies to my feeble-minded and feeble-bodied grandfather, who was confused and unable to resist my father's brother's gross manipulations.) Point in fact: my grandfather never threw me out of his home (although he did allow his other son to do so but it had nothing to do with any sort of drugs or drug usage or allegations thereof; one of the arguments my father's brother used in my grandfather's mind was: who is going to be able to take better care of your, Peter, who's been crippled by the car accident and is having all of these mental health issues and might take his life, or me...do you really want to be here one day and find that he's killed himself, blah blah blah).
Drugs (allegedly belonging to me) were found in my grandfather's house (I love how she keeps saying it was my grandfather's house, as if my grandmother didn't exist, or that it wasn't my home). Point in fact: I was told that drugs were found in my grandfather's home, a good two months after I had been evicted therefrom by my father's brother and other people had been living / staying in my room for more than two months!
I did drugs in front of children, especially my sister's children. Point in fact: never happened (do I really need to say this?). I mean, hello, like my sister would ever permit something like that to happen, seriously?
I offered her money in an attempt to get her tax information. Point in fact: I had asked Maria if she was claiming Cherokee on her 2009 income taxes for the Earned Income Credit (EIC); under my Power of Attorney for John, I was preparing his 2009 income tax returns and needed to know this information. This was the only thing I asked for from Maria. I never offered her money; in fact, what I did say to her was that if she didn't provide me with this information and I had John claim Cherokee for the EIC and she also had made that claim, that it was possible for her to lose money if the IRS granted the EIC credit to John. And on this point, Judge Killian is dead wrong: I did have a right to ask for this very, very limited information and it would have been helpful of her to provide it. The very fact that she didn't just shows the level of contempt she has for me. I never asked Maria for any of her personal financial information, such as her wages, or anything like that. It was only whether or not she had claimed Cherokee for the EIC. The IRS advises parents/guardians of minor children to make every effort to work together to resolve these issues so that the IRS does not have to get involved. Maria refused to provide me with the answer to this question after I had asked her this one time and explained the IRS "feelings" on the subject. I dropped it and never raised the issue again; however, Maria harps on the fact and overplays it, stating that I repeatedly demanded this information from her and harassed her about it. Please, like I have all the time in the world to harass anyone about anything.

Again, if these really were "concerns" of any merit then why did they only surface within the past 1-2 months?

More flat-out lies Maria told the Court:

My mother brought Cherokee down to my apartment in Yonkers. Point in fact: Never happened (again, do I need to say this, I'm listing this under "lies Maria told the Court"....)
My mother allows strangers or other individuals to supervise Cherokee, or has left Cherokee alone when my mother was granted visitation with Cherokee
She's spoken with my sister, who has confirmed some of these things. Point in fact: My sister has never spoken with Maria; in fact, my sister is quite upset about this as she has tried contacting Maria on a number of occasions when she has been in the area, in an attempt to visit with Cherokee; all such attempts at contacting Maria were unsuccessful, and my sister was never allowed to visit with Cherokee on her own. The only time my sister and/or I have ever seen Cherokee was when she was visiting with our mother.
My mother has let Cherokee be around naked men, such as her ex-husband

Oh, and as proof positive that I'm teaching Cherokee how to use drugs, she told the Court that after my last visit here, Cherokee began rolling up tissue and putting it in her nose. She first was observed doing this at her school (which, I would presume, is where Cherokee learned how to do this). Now, I'm not entirely certain exactly what this is supposed to signify or represent. John's lawyer privately pointed out to me, and even the Judge said, that Cherokee is 3.5 years old; kids that age put all sorts of things up their nose, in the mouse, and various other places.

What angers me most is that these lies (which I consider to be slanderous) and accusations were taken at face value. I volunteered to the court the information that I publicly have disclosed on my blog: my criminal record (misdemeanor possession of a controlled substance), and my mental health issues. So the Court feels that Maria's and Yashira's concerns are "legitimate"; had the Court (and by the Court, I refer specifically to Judge Killian) had a desire or inclination to do so, it could have questioned me about these matters and I would have been more than happy to disclose all, just as I have done throughout my life. I live my life openly, so people can see who and what I am. I don't hide behind veiled shrouds such as "Christianity" in a failed attempt to prove who & what I am; I lay it all out there for people to judge for themselves.

Instead of making a few inquires to me, the Court (Judge Killian) decided to spend taxpayers' money to launch an investigation into me to determine how appropriate it is for me to continue seeing Cherokee. He then admonished me, stating that he wasn't preventing me from seeing Cherokee; only that it was to be done under supervision, and Cherokee isn't allowed to spend the night with my mother while I am visiting there. So any time that Cherokee spends with me has to be supervised (either by Maria or my mother, meaning my mother can't leave Cherokee with me if she needs to run out on an errand or something--not that that's happened in the past but in the event it should happen in the future, it places limitations on freedoms). And he refused to set a return date upon completion of the investigation, which means I'll have to prompt such action at such time if I wish to have full familial rights restored to me.

Judge Killian also ordered me to "back off," noting that "you're not the mother or the father of the child." Again, I had been acting at the behest of my brother John, who is the child's father. And even if I'm not the father, I am a legal and blood relative, and as a family member, I should be concerned about the well-being of any of my other family members, just as I am.

While I don't have a problem undergoing this examination, I find it a complete and utter waste of time, and it's insulting that I would have to go through these procedures. It's also insulting that the Judge would take the word of these two (in my opinion) psychotic individuals without questioning me directly, and waste both the the time and taxpayers' monies by having the State conduct this investigation instead of doing it right then & there. I would have been happy to have conferenced in my therapist/psychiatrist to confirm anything that needed confirmation. But now, instead, we have to go through tons of paperwork and waste the time of a social worker who, more likely than not, has much better and more important things to do with her time.

That Judge Killian is considered an advocate of those who suffer with mental illness further exacerbates this situation; he, above all, should be better informed as to such matters. I understand that, because of public opinion and previous cases, Judge Killian has to take every precaution necessary when it comes to the safety of children but to reduce my rights to participate in Cherokee's life as her uncle, even when such a reduction is marginal, on such obviously flawed and baseless allegations is, to me, insulting at the least and at most, a gross waste of government resources and taxpayer expense.

[EDIT: Updated 10:31am 24 March 2011]I forgot to mention; about half-way through the proceeding, Yashira, Cherokee's mother, asked if she had to stay on the phone, because she was at work. That just goes to show you just how interested and involved in Cherokee's life her mother is. To remind you, her mother (Yashira) gave up her parental rights in order to "live her life" by going to school out of state. I guess that all the giggling in the background while she was at "work" was much more important to her than having to pay attention to a court proceeding regarding her own freaking daughter.[/END OF EDIT]

In the immortal words of Kathy Griffin, "I might seem like a tool for saying this but seriously, you wanna bring it—with me? Alright bitches, let's roll!"

So with that, I would like to dedicated the following to Maria Colón and Yashira Marrerro, both of whom maintain their residence at 33 Kibbe Street, Hartford, CT (oh and if you think I'm being unfair by publishing their address; remember that as one who leads his life openly, my address is publicly listed under my Google & Facebook profiles):

Here are some photos of Cherokee either by herself or with mom & me:

Cherokee & me at my birthday dinner celebration; she hugs her uncle!

Cherokee & Yi (that's maternal grandmother in Thai)

Cherokee is enthralled by some of the gifts I got for her this past holiday

Cherokee opening some gifts, with Yi in the background

Cherokee & Yi petting Patty Potato

Peter, Cherokee, and Yi - fun family times!

QOTD: Tom's of Maine: Philosophy of Goodness

2010-12-28T06:33:00.002-05:00

Tom's of Maine: Philosophy of Goodness is a video message that both serves as a commercial for their products but also as a vehicle to promote their corporate philosophy. It had me in tears.

Here are some quotes from the video, created and produced by Tom's of Maine:

"Success can be measured not only in terms of money made but in the good created that making uncommonly good products can actually serve the common good."

"Let's work together to accelerate the change for good."

"We can do more to help improve society so tell us not only how to improve our products but how to improve our world."

"Together we can be an unstoppable force for good."

According to the video statement, Tom's of Maine donates 10% of their profits to charities and "encourage[s their] employees to donate 5% of work time to community service."

They're asking the global community to bring worthy charitable causes to their attention that are in need of either or both of funding and exposure.

So watch the video now, answer a question from them and receive 50 butterfly rewards credits from Care2, which can be used to do works of good via the Care2 web site.

Follow Tom's of Maine on Facebook and Twitter.

Gays in the Military, Don't Ask Don't Tell (DADT) -- Obama is no Truman!

2010-11-08T19:41:00.003-05:00

I was just as this question on a web site I participate in, and thought I'd share my response here for all of you to see.

What is your solution to keeping gays in the military?
Robert, when Truman integrated the military, he didn't wait for Congress. He didn't poll the foot soldiers to find out how they'd "FEEL" about having to live and/or serve with other races in the same unit. He didn't pussyfoot around. He issued a fucking executive order as Commander-In-Chief of the Armed Forces, and the troops fucking followed his order. Period, end of discussion!

The only reason that can be inferred from POTUS Barack Obama's refusal to end DADT and order an end to discrimination against gay men and lesbians serving in the Armed Forces of United States of America is because he doesn't want to.

US President Harry S. Truman

Truman's top military aides and advisers all thought he was bonkers for integrating the military. But guess what? He issues the order, and the military did not fall apart. It kept functioning, and did so quite well in Korea.

And for those who argue that POTUS needs the permission of Congress to repeal DADT by law, here's another tidbit of history for you:

In 1948, President Harry S Truman's Executive Order 9981 ordered the integration of the armed forces shortly after World War II, a major advance in civil rights. Using the Executive Order (E.O.) meant that Truman could bypass Congress. Representatives of the Solid South, all white Democrats, would likely have stonewalled related legislation. Source: Desegregation in the Military, via Wikipedia

I do not see why people keep making excuse for this POTUS, one who promised to repeal DADT as one of the first things he would do in office, in order to garner the support of the "gay vote." Well, he got their support, and what baffles me most is that he continues to have their support.

Obama, if you want to end DADT, get off your bloody arse and issue the fecking Executive Order already. But I doubt you'll do that; you don't have the cojones to be POTUS.

It Gets Better

2010-11-01T07:17:00.004-04:00

I know I don't usually start off a blog post with a video (those who have been following my blog for a while know it's something I might end a post with, but not start one...) however, this is too important, and too moving, to not put up front.

I'm not a vlogger. I just don't think I do well in video. But I do think I have a fairly decent command of the written word, and I've used that as my medium for quite some time. As someone who's been online in one form or another since the mid 1980s (that's before the Internet was open to the public), I've used my powers of persuasive writing to advocate for a number of things—such as politics, the environment, and yes, for gay rights.

“In my own unassuming way, I know I can make a difference. You can as well.”
~Kinsey Millhone.

Often, one of the questions posed to me, as a blogger, is, “Why do you blog?” I just finished reading T is for Trespass, the latest (as of this writing) released book in Sue Grafton's alphabet mystery series, starring fictional heroine Kinsey Millhone, an old-fashioned gumshoe of a private investigator, whose stories are set in the 1980s (an age before the Internet, widespread computer usage, mobile phones, flat-screens, and other similar technological wonders). The quote above can be found in the Epilogue of the book, and I think it answers the question as to why I blog quite nicely.

I know, from the experience of having had readers (whether it be individual posts or the blog as a whole) contact me, that I have made a difference in people’s lives by blogging, whether it was from sharing something personal, describing some new technological wonder of interest to me, arguing a point in law, or any of the myriad topics that one would find in the annals of my blog.

It is in this vein that I tackle a subject that is very difficult for me—one that is deeply personal, emotional, and difficult to deal with but one that mainstream media has declared the cause célèbre this past month: the tragic suicides of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, and/or questioning youth.

Last month, mainstream media decided to shine its spotlight on the tragedy of LGBTQ teenage suicides, and no less than six individual stories of teens who either were gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, questioning their sexuality, or perceived to be one of the above, and who made the tragic choice to end their short lives, made national headlines here in the USA.

Unlike most of the posts on my blog, this one is heavily edited, and I've been working—and struggling—with this post for nearly a month. However, some recent actions finally brought push to shove and I've decided to go ahead and publish this post. I would imagine that, like many bloggers, an occasional blog posting gets written that sits in draft status and is never published; I know I have a few such unpublished "drafts" sitting in my Blogger account, and I'll most likely never publish them. This one, however, is something that needs to be published. I need the world to hear, and to listen, to what I have to say.

I had been debating whether or not to address this topic, given the skill with which so many others had done so, as well as the difficulties I have regarding this particular topic. I had been trying, as much as possible, to avoid news, discussion, debate, and mention of this topic, so that I would not have to revisit it. In particular, it's the rantings of Clint McCance on Facebook of all places, Tony Perkins' ranting that gay teens resort to suicide because they're 'abornmal', and Maggie Gallagher's insane ramblings, and other such hateful statements to have come out in response to this very, very tragic choice that many gay teens make because they feel so ostracized and hated in life for simply being who they are.

For you see, when I came to the self-realization of who I was (that is, when I finally figured out or realized that I’m gay) back in my teens, the only mention of homosexuality (that’s the only way it was politely referenced at the time) I ever had encountered in my life was, for the most part, condemnation.

I was raised, by my grandparents, in a very strict, very conservative Roman Catholic household. Sex and anything related to sex was never discussed in the home. I was masturbating long before I even knew what it meant to masturbate. My fantasies, as a sexually-aroused teenager, were wild and varied but they all had one thing in common, and in the deep recesses of my subconscious, I knew that that one thing made me different, and set me apart, from everyone in my life.

Long story short, when I finally figured out that I was one of those “faggot” homosexuals, I felt the entire weight of the world bearing down upon me in my thoughts: I would shame my family for generations. I was an aberration that must be aborted. I was the devil incarnate. I was every imaginable bad thing one could think of, in my own mind. I thought, “How could I live with myself?”

Where did these thoughts come from? Quite frankly, they came from all around me. In church, religion, politics, popular culture, school culture, school, family, friends, and the like. Being gay was definitely a big, big no-no in the late 1980s. It just wasn't something that one would be, never mind announce to the world.

There's a statistic out there that LGBTQ teens are four times more likely to commit suicide than their straight, heterosexual counterparts. As this article points out, it's not being gay or lesbian that's a risk factor; it's the negative treatment such LGBTQ teens receive that raises their risk of suicide.

The most insane part of this is that no one, and I do mean no one, ever even suspected me of being gay as a teenager. I don't think they thought I was really straight, either. Actually, it was more like no one thought of me as a sexual creature, period. I was this fat, dorky, geeky, nerdy braniac. On top of that, I was so in the closet that I joined the chorus of condemnation every chance I got. Still, the pervasiveness and the negativity about being gay was so severe that it lead me to a drastic course of action.

And so, while on the phone with a friend at the time, whom I had told about my being gay during the conversation, I basically had suggested to him that I was considering ending my life. After I ended the conversation shortly after that revelation, I went to retrieve the bottle of pills my grandparents kept in the upstairs bathroom’s medicine cabinet and started taking them.

Now let me mention a few other things: with the exception of my father, my family (grandparents and sister) had gone on a weekendation – I don’t recall the particulars of where/why they went but suffice it to say they weren’t home. My grandparents saw to it that I led a very sheltered life; I knew that people killed themselves by taking a full bottle of pills but I was unaware that they had to be taken all at once. So I began taking the OTC sleeping pills, and drifted off to sleep.

My friend, worried, convinced one of his parents to come up to my house; my father answered at some unruly hour in the middle of the night, and checked in on me. He saw the bottle of pills, half-taken. I'm not going to announce why the pills didn't do me in but obviously, my plan had failed.

I woke up the next morning thinking, WHAT THE FUCK?!?

I could not reconcile who I was with everything that I was brought up to believe, especially coming from my religion (Roman Catholicism). Seeing that I was not able to end my life, my somehow came to the realization that if I were meant to be alive and be gay, then it is everything else that I have been taught about homosexuality that must be wrong. I systematically eliminated those negative influences (that told me that who I was wrong) from my life, with the help of the first gay person I ever met, first online and then in person, who is a dear friend and mentor to me to this very day.

Through my contacts of being on-line, I managed to come across a very happy individual and debated with him at length (along with a bunch of other folks) about politics. I soon came to find out that he was gay. Soon after my initial contact with him online, he set up his own online repository, and I began speaking with him there. There, in secret, and away from the prying eyes of others on any other system, I was able to engage him, and find out more about this "homosexual" and in doing so, I began to realize that I wasn't quite as alone as I thought I was.

Without his kind love and support, I probably wouldn't have made it this for. And for the record, our relationship has never been sexual. He has always been a friend to me, supporting, and unconditionally accepting of who I am, gay, Republican, and all.

I haven't looked back since that dark time in my life. I've accepted who I am and began to love myself. I gradually started coming out to people: friends first, and then everyone else over time. I went through the phase where I flaunted my sexuality but eventually matured, and I've since grown into the person I am today—one who is still maturing and growing as time marches onward to the rhythm of its steady beat.

If you’ve read some of my other posts on this blog, then you know I’ve been through a lot in life, and I’m still here. I’ve survived all of the torture, torment, pain, ridicule, and whatever else that the Universe has thrown at me, and I have come to realize that I am part of the Universe.

So you see, it does get better. I am a better, stronger person for having gone through what I did, when I did.
As I've previously stated, I’m not a vlogger so, unlike most of the other “It Gets Better” messages out there, this message is in the form you now see it in. My medium is, has always been, and most likely always will be the written word. And so with this, if even one person reads this entry and reconsiders a tragic decision to end their life and decides to stay on and fight, then it’s well worth it.

To give you an idea of just how "worth it" things can become, I’ll restate a story I wrote almost a year ago, about my grandmother’s coming to terms with my being gay, and moreso, her coming to terms with my being a gay rights activist.

Approximately one decade ago, Westchester County (where I live) was debating some legislation that would have extended certain protections to individuals based on their sexual orientation, which made it extremely controversial because it included "sexual orientation" in the wording of the legislation as a protected class--something New York State law did not do at the time.

I'd always been politically involved and astute. Despite my family's wishes to the contrary, I registered to vote as a Republican on my 18th birthday and haven't missed voting in an election since. But I digress; my political leanings naturally lent their hand in somehow shaping me as an advocate for gay rights and someone who has been active in the LGBTQ rights movement.

I had written a "letter to the editors" in support of the passage of the county's proposed Human Rights Law. For whatever reason, somewhere around 90% of the letters to editors that I write actually get published, and this was no exception.

My letter appeared in the local paper, signed with my name and village of residence. My grandmother, very frail of health (at that time she'd had four major coronary infarctions and a series of minor strokes / TIAs, along with the usual health problems associated with someone approaching their 80th birthday who had been smoking for 60+ years...), came into my room carrying the newspaper (while not bed-ridden, she didn't often get out of bed except to use the facilities and go to doctor's appointments).

She asked me how I could be so stupid as to have such a letter published with my name and location. I was very puzzled by her reaction, as she had tears in her eyes (I had already come out to her by this point (or more accurately, she came out to me; that is, she figured out I was gay and asked me for the truth), so it's not like she didn't know I was (am) gay).

I asked her what the big deal was, and she told me that there are very crazy people in the world and having my name & location published, someone could be hiding in the bushes outside of our house and attack me for being gay, or come by the house and throw rocks at me, or while I'm out and about someone could try to kill me, etc. It was a cause of great consternation for her that I would be harmed by any one of these crazy people.

I responded by telling my grandmother that it was she who instilled in me the values to stand up for what I believe in, to exercise my rights as guaranteed to me in the United States Constitution, and not to back down when I know I am fighting a just and worthy cause. My grandmother hugged me, told me that she loved me, and urged that I be more cautious and safe and not take such public stances in the future, for she worried greatly over my safety.

Grams said she would pray that I not ever fall into harm's way because of who I am, and advised that she would be worrying over me whenever I left the house (a promise she kept, as whenever I left she wouldn't go to sleep until I returned home safe and sound).

A short while later, a public hearing was being held on the proposed Human Rights Law. I was getting ready to leave the house to head for the hearing and to speak out in favor of the passage of the law. Grams asked me where I was going. I (reluctantly) told her that I was going to speak in support of the law at the public hearing (I had to explain a bit what was going on). She asked me if I could wait 5 minutes, and so I did.

Less than five minutes later, my grandmother had her purse and winter coat on, and told me that she was coming with me (despite her frail health). There was nothing I could do to change her mind, so I brought her along to the public hearing.

We arrived a bit late, taking seats near the front. When the legislators asked if anyone else wished to speak, I began to rise but my grandmother put her arm on me to keep me seated and instead rose herself and approached the podium.

At the podium, my grandmother relayed how she read my letter to the editor in the newspaper, and how scared she was for my safety. She told the legislators that she was a devout Catholic, but that I was her grandson and she loved me no matter who I was or what I did. She implored the legislators to pass the Human Rights Law, so that she could stop worrying about the safety of her grandson, and not have to worry that he would be fired from a job for being who he was, etc.

I had absolutely no idea that Grams was going to do this. Tears filled my eyes (just as they are now as I recount these events). It was then, right there in the public hearing, that I came to know the true meaning of Unconditional Love. I couldn't have been more proud, happy, or loved than I was at that point in time ....

Since then, as I've met more wonderful people (mostly through social media sites like Twitter, Facebook, Fabulis, and the like), I've come to experience this unconditional love and acceptance.

If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, don't—just don't. Pick up the phone, or get on your computer, and talk to someone. You can contact the Trevor Project at, 1-866-4-U-Trevor (that's 1-866-488-7867). You can also check out the resources on the Yellow Ribbon website or call them at: 1-800-SUICIDE. Besides, do you have ANY idea just how messy and icky and yucky failed suicide attempts are? Trust me, you do not want to go there!

So you see, it really does get better. And you, too, can become a fighter, just as I have. All you have to do is stick around to see that day come about. And trust me, it will come about! I should know; I am a survivor ... of gay teen suicide. And if you think there's noone left in the world who cares about you, you're wrong: I do. I care about you; if I didn't, I wouldn't have gone through the emotional roller coaster ride in writing this post.

An Open Letter to the United Nations, World Governments, and content copyright organisations

2010-09-28T01:20:00.001-04:00

To: The United Nations General Assembly, All Governments and Political Authorities, Holders of Content Copyright

Living in the Age of the Internet, I am deeply puzzled over the ineptitude, unnecessary overcomplication, and (at times) outright hindrance of certain organisations to broadcast content over the Internet internationally simply because they're unable to successfully navigate the myriad complications in securing such permissions at a global level and must do so jurisdiction by jurisdiction.

The very idea and notion of building a global community has never been closer to reality than in today's Internet Age; villages in poverty-stricken, rural outlays are able to communicate with the entire world thanks to solar-powered laptop computers and wireless broadband.

The major obstacle to completing the global community is the deprecated notion of copyright legalities.

While I recognize that the originators and creators of content should have mechanisms in place to protect such content from being used in ways they hadn't intended, I believe that a simplification, rather than further complication, of laws should be the result on a global scale. Why should a web site like Hulu or Netflex or the BBC be prevented from showing their content the world over simply because they are unable to go to a single repository to secure redistribution rights, regardless of what form that redistribution takes place in?

It just doesn't make sense, in today's day and age of technological wonder, to continue using the antiquated systems that were built and dreampt up centuries ago.

I implore you, please develop a global repository for content creators to deposit content where it will be protected to the levels of their choosing so that others may redistribute (in whatever form they desire) such content in accordance with the creator's permissions in a simple, straight-forward manner.

Thank you for your courteous time and attention to my request.

Yours truly,
-Peter C. Frank

OPINION: Cal Thomas gets it wrong again

2010-09-07T07:05:00.001-04:00

I just read this opinion piece, Cal Thomas: Polygamy precedent applies to gay marriage | The Salt Lake Tribune, and I write this in response thereof.

Cal Thomas is the author of the aforementioned piece, which was published by the Salt Lake Tribune. I don't know about you, gentle reader, but this blogger really wonders how an opinion piece advocating that same-sex marriage be denied on the same grounds as, and because, anti-polygamy laws were held constitutional and not an intrusion on the fundamental right to marry, ends up published in the primary newspaper for the Mormon Capital of the World, Salt Lake City, Utah. Mr. Thomas proclaims himself to be "America's #1 nationally syndicated columnist" and syndicated commentator. He has been an outspoken opponent of equality and opposes even tolerance of "homosexuality":

What we tolerate, we get more of, and we have been tolerating a lot since the Age of Aquarius generation began the systematic destruction of what past generations believed they had sacrificed, fought and died to protect. (source: "The Slippery Slope of Tolerance" published 7 September 2010 by Monterey County's The Herald)

As one may remember, and as Mr. Thomas points out, the State of Utah had to ban polygamy (practiced by those in the Mormon faith at the time) before the Union (the United States of America) would accept its membership. Quoth he, "Has the [New York Times] forgotten the federal government’s “discrimination” against Utah when it forbade the territory from entering the Union until it outlawed polygamy?" Comparing apples to oranges, apparently, is a valid legal argument in Mr. Thomas's opinion.

Mr. Thomas cites Reynolds v. United States of America, 98 U.S. 145 (1878) which holds that religious action is not protected under the Constitution's First Amendment freedom of religion protections; rather, only religious opinion is.

However, the Court has since developed a test used to determine the constitutionality of legislation versus religious freedoms guaranteed in the First Amendment, in Lemon v. Kurtzman, 403 U.S. 602 (1971). The first two prongs of the test deal with purpose and effect of the legislation; does it intend, or actually result in, the advancement or inhibition of a religion? In other words, the legislation must have "a secular legislative purpose and a primary effect that neither advances nor inhibits religion.” The third prong measures "government entanglement with religion."

Now here's the real apples-to-oranges comparison: Reynolds was a case about criminal law, not civil law. That's right, let me repeat: George Reynolds (petitioner in the case) was convicted of a felony. He argued that his religious beliefs should excuse his felonious behaviour. So, Mr. Thomas uses a convicted felon's argument (that his religious beliefs should excuse him from criminal conduct) to bolster support for his argument that marriage equality should be unconstitutional.

If you, gentle reader, are not already aware, no where in the United States of America is marriage equality (that is, same-sex marriage, or "gay marriage") illegal--not a single jurisdiction has enacted legislation criminalising marriage equality. In fact, there is no locality within the United States where homosexuality is a crime or where comitting homosexual acts are a crime (see Lawrence v. Texas, 539 U.S. 558 (2003)).

If, as Mr. Thomas wished, marriage equality were to continue to be denied in most of the country, it would put the religious beliefs of some ahead of the religious (and non-religious) beliefs of others. Using the basis of his argument, polygamy, it also would require that same-sex marriage be criminalised, and that homosexuality be recriminalised.

The Reynolds Court analyzed the First Amendment's freedom of religion:

The word 'religion' is not defined in the Constitution. We must go elsewhere, therefore, to ascertain its meaning, and nowhere more appropriately, we think, than to the history of the times in the midst of which the provision was adopted. The precise point of the inquiry is, what is the religious freedom which has been guaranteed.

Before the adoption of the Constitution, attempts were made in some of the colonies and States to legislate not only in respect to the establishment of religion, but in respect to its doctrines and precepts as well. The people were taxed, against their will, for the support of religion, and sometimes for the support of particular sects to whose tenets they could not and did not subscribe. Punishments were prescribed for a failure to attend upon public worship, and sometimes for entertaining heretical opinions. The controversy upon this general subject was animated in many of the States, but seemed at last to culminate in Virginia. In 1784, the House of Delegates of that State having under consideration 'a bill establishing provision for teachers of the Christian religion,' postponed it until the next session, and directed that the bill should be published and distributed, and that the people be requested 'to signify their opinion respecting the adoption of such a bill at the next session of assembly.'

This brought out a determined opposition. Amongst others, Mr. Madison prepared a 'Memorial and Remonstrance,' which was widely circulated and signed, and in which he demonstrated 'that religion, or the duty we owe the Creator,' was not within the cognizance of civil government. Semple's Virginia Baptists, Appendix. At the next session the proposed bill was not only defeated, but another, 'for establishing religious freedom,' drafted by Mr. Jefferson, was passed. 1 Jeff. Works, 45; 2 Howison, Hist. of Va. 298. In the preamble of this act (12 Hening's Stat. 84) religious freedom is defined; and after a recital 'that to suffer the civil magistrate to intrude his powers into the field of opinion, and to restrain the profession or propagation of principles on supposition of their ill tendency, is a dangerous fallacy which at once destroys all religious liberty,' it is declared 'that it is time enough for the rightful purposes of civil government for its officers to interfere when principles break out into overt acts against peace and good order.' In these two sentences is found the true distinction between what properly belongs to the church and what to the State.

In a little more than a year after the passage of this statute the convention met which prepared the Constitution of the United States.' Of this convention Mr. Jefferson was not a member, he being then absent as minister to France. As soon as he saw the draft of the Constitution proposed for adoption, he, in a letter to a friend, expressed his disappointment at the absence of an express declaration insuring the freedom of religion (2 Jeff. Works, 355), but was willing to accept it as it was, trusting that the good sense and honest intentions of the people would bring about the necessary alterations. 1 Jeff. Works, 79. Five of the States, while adopting the Constitution, proposed amendments. Three-New Hampshire, New York, and Virginia-included in one form or another a declaration of religious freedom in the changes they desired to have made, as did also North Carolina, where the convention at first declined to ratify the Constitution until the proposed amendments were acted upon. Accordingly, at the first session of the first Congress the amendment now under consideration was proposed with others by Mr. Madison. It met the views of the advocates of religious freedom, and was adopted. Mr. Jefferson afterwards, in reply to an address to him by a committee of the Danbury Baptist Association (8 id. 113), took occasion to say: 'Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between man and his God; that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship; that the legislative powers of the government reach actions only, and not opinions,-I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between church and State. Adhering to this expression of the supreme will of the nation in behalf of the rights of conscience, I shall see with sincere satisfaction the progress of those sentiments which tend to restore man to all his natural rights, convinced he has no natural right in opposition to his social duties.' Coming as this does from an acknowledged leader of the advocates of the measure, it may be accepted almost as an authoritative declaration of the scope and effect of the amendment thus secured. Congress was deprived of all legislative power over mere opinion, but was left free to reach actions which were in violation of social duties or subversive of good order.

[emphasis supplied.]

Here, we see the famous phrase, "separation of church and state," which, contrary to popular belief, is not actually used in the First Amendment. However, as the Reynolds Court notes, this "wall of separation between church and state" is the wording of one of the chief advocates of such tenet, and which to which the court derives its opinion as to the meaning and scope of the language used in the First Amendment. Why is this important or noteworthy? Because one sees here that the Reynolds Court, in interpreting the law, did not create a "separation of church and state" out of thin air; rather, it pulled it from one of the chief architects thereof.

The Reynolds Court then goes on to examine polygamy in general, noting:

Polygamy has always been odious among the northern and western nations of Europe, and, until the establishment of the Mormon Church, was almost exclusively a feature of the life of Asiatic and of African people. At common law, the second marriage was always void (2 Kent, Com. 79), and from the earliest history of England polygamy has been treated as an offence against society.

. . .

By the statute of 1 James I. (c. 11), the offence, if committed in England or Wales, was made punishable in the civil courts, and the penalty was death. As this statute was limited in its operation to England and Wales, it was at a very early period re-enacted, generally with some modifications, in all the colonies. In connection with the case we are now considering, it is a significant fact that on the 8th of December, 1788, after the passage of the act establishing religious freedom, and after the convention of Virginia had recommended as an amendment to the Constitution of the United States the declaration in a bill of rights that 'all men have an equal, natural, and unalienable right to the free exercise of religion, according to the dictates of conscience,' the legislature of that State substantially enacted the statute of James I., death penalty included, because, as recited in the preamble, 'it hath been doubted whether bigamy or poligamy be punishable by the laws of this Commonwealth.' 12 Hening's Stat. 691. From that day to this we think it may safely be said there never has been a time in any State of the Union when polygamy has not been an offence against society, cognizable by the civil courts and punishable with more or less severity. In the face of all this evidence, it is impossible to believe that the constitutional guaranty of religious freedom was intended to prohibit legislation in respect to this most important feature of social life. Marriage, while from its very nature a sacred obligation, is nevertheless, in most civilized nations, a civil contract, and usually regulated by law.

[emphasis supplied.] Mr. Thomas is selectively taking the court's view out of context in order to support his misguided argument. Of particular interest is the last statement, "Marriage ... is ... a civil contract, and usually regulated by law." As far back as 1878, the United States Supreme Court has recognized marriage as being a civil matter, governed by civil law, not by religion. While religion plays a part in some marriages, it does not dictate, control, or influence the the 1,138 federal civil laws regarding marriage, nor should it.

Chief Justice Waite put it best:

Can a man excuse his practices to the contrary because of his religious belief? To permit this would be to make the professed doctrines of religious belief superior to the law of the land, and in effect to permit every citizen to become a law unto himself. Government could exist only in name under such circumstances.

Mr. Thomas states, "If the federal government could reject polygamy then as a means of promoting the general welfare, why can’t it block attempts to redefine marriage now?" Apparently, he has not read the Reynolds case, as nowhere in it does the Court state that the government rejects polygamy as a means of promoting the general welfare. Instead, the Court stated that polygamy generally has been considered in Western civilizations as an offence against society--in other words, it's a crime. Nor does Mr. Thomas understand that polygamy is a crime whereas same-sex marriage, and same-sex relationships among consenting adults, is not criminal conduct of any kind.

As America's #1 syndicated columnist, someone really should be fact-checking his writing, in my opinion, so as not to have such misinformation carried into the public knowledgebase.

The Typical New Yorker

2010-08-21T20:39:00.001-04:00

Some thoughts were just running through my mind and I thought I'd share them, to see what others think.

I'd recently been accused of being "one of those arrogant, rude New Yorkers" and so I've been focused on why this misconception of New Yorkers being rude and obnoxious has come about and it has lead me to the exact opposite conclusion:

New Yorkers are, by and far, more friendly and more intimate with each other than citizens of other big cities and small towns alike, because they've taken the time to get to know one another through assimilation.

Being The Center of the World has its advantages (there are so many things to do!) and its disadvantages (there are so many things to do!). Because of this, New Yorkers are perennially wandering about from place to place and from event to event, to get to that "next thing to do" that's on their "list" (virtual or stone tablet).

With all this running, walking, jogging, skating, biking, and otherwise getting to and fro, who has time to stop and carry on a verbal conversation with anyone? As such, over time, New Yorkers have learned to communicate non-verbally (it's a much more efficient means of communication, don't you think?). Of course, this has led to the occasional misunderstanding and mishap but those are far and few between as we New Yorkers have honed this non-verbal communication skill.

In discussing this with a friend on-line, I was asked, "Just how do we learn from each other if we're not communicating?" Obviously, I had to sit my friend down and explain to him that he wasn't paying attention, because I never said we New Yorkers don't communicate; we just do so in a non-verbal fashion.

Apart from the hustle and bustle of perennially flitting about to and fro to get to our next "thing to do" in this great and wonderful town (town, ha!--more like a megalopolis, isn't it?), there's another reason that we've taken to using this non-verbal mode of communication: space constraints.

This falls into my theory of New Yorkers having learned the art of getting to know people via assimilation. Living so close together, one can't help but learn about one's neighbors through plastered walls and soundboard ceilings and floors.

And not just in our homes (where we almost never seem to be, as there's always something on our "To Do" list) but in our places of work and in our places of enjoyment. And don't forget, we also assimilate knowledge about our neighbors (of which New Yorkers are all one to each other) in the process of moving about to and fro all the places we need to be and are trying to get to in order to reach the next big great destination on our To Do's.

To the outsider, New York may seen like a very chaotic place but I'm certain the chaos theorists will eventually conduct a study to prove the order within this perceived chaos in New York City. In other words, we have a way of doing things that none can mimic. The way we talk, the way we walk, the way we dress, the way we mess; it all comprises who we are as individuals and also as part of the group collective.

To further combat this chaos, many New Yorkers try to instill order into it by sticking to a certain schedule. Thus, we get to know our neighbors as we travel those paths to reach the next destination of our To Do's. While we may not know their name, most New Yorkers can certainly tell you about the guy who always gets a schmear of butter (or low-fat cream cheese, or strawberry cream cheese, or onion & lox, or lox & chives, or sour cream & chives, or--well, you get the picture) on their bagel and the one who a fourth of the time will forget to put a lid on their coffee after pouring it into their cup from the self-serve carafes at the news stand (or deli) in the morning, splattering it all over their copy of The Times or The News at The Rock and the guy who's always running down the block/stairs/avenue trying to catch the next bus/train/subway and always ends up missing it anywhere from 15 seconds to 3 minutes too late and who at lunch order the pastrami as opposed to the ham or turkey or liverwurst or roast beef and whether it's Swiss or American or provolone on rye, wheat, white, whole grain, or multi-grain and whether the Ferragamos are from Saks, Bloomie's, Barney's, Bergdorf's, or down on Canal and Oy! putting that cockamamie Louis V with such an obvious Chanel knock-off ....

Now, to the outsider, this may seem like trying to decipher the Egyptians' hieroglyphics on a collegiate education specializing in English Literature but to a New Yorker, it's providing vital information to them about who the person is. And when one is imbued with such intimate knowledge of a person's life, the necessity for that "Hey, lovely day we're having today, isn't it?" just floats out the window and up the canyons formed by the City's towering structures of concrete, glass, and steel. And besides, who has time to say such things when what's really on your mind is how late you fell asleep and how late you woke up this morning because you were kept awake by the Batlan living upstairs and their never-ending exploits and how much you'd just love to knock their head against a wall some day but you can't be bothered because you're on your way to that next greatest best thing on your To Do's.

Of course, whilst there are certainly exceptions to the rule, as its general practice, New Yorkers tend to be the most conforming lot of non-conformists ever to have been placed on this round ball of silicate/iron/magnesium dangling dangerously close to that molten nuclear reactor we call a G2V star. And that's what makes the infusion of information by assimilation possible in New York.

This also explains the tendency of New Yorkers to be a bit of T3h Buttinsky. Because, after all, New Yorkers are informed, opinionated individuals who always know what's best for the other (provided the "other" isn't themselves) and hesitates at nothing to let their neighbors know (because, after all, New Yorkers really are a caring, compassionate lot). It's our way of saying, "Hey, we care about you, so this is how you're going to do this to avoid having your tuches bounced off the pavement by ...."

So next time you encounter a New Yorker and we don't put on the two-faced politeness that those in the South, Southwest, and Western parts of this nation practice, please do try to keep in mind that it's probably because we've already surmised how you're doing given our non-verbal communication skills and simply are on our way to the next best greatest thing on our To Do's and if you haven't learned how to communicate non-verbally as well have and deal with this massive amount of intimacy within which we have all learned to live, then it's just a crying shonda. ;-p

In response to a question someone asked me

2010-08-11T13:29:00.003-04:00

Someone recently asked a question of me on the Fabulis site and my answer wouldn't fit in the space provided, so I'm providing it here. The question was:

Q: Describe a perfect day.

A: Here's my answer:

Hrm, I'd have to say waking up to watch the sun set in the arms of a man I've fallen 1001% for. Walking to the balcony in his arms while the servants start lighting candles about the palace, bringing in juicy bits of fruits & other organic, delicious, sweet foods along with some granola and whole grain cereals. Feeding each other as we begin our day, laptops on the table, checking in around the world and seeing what's going on. Interacting with others on-line, blogging, printing out coupons for sales, checking prices, seeing what's going on.

Watching the snow fall on twinkling lights around the city from the balcony, then running out to catch a musical concert featuring the best of Béla Bartók, Smetana, and the rest of the best of the Romantic composers, or perhaps a production of Die Zauberflöte. Running to the shops on 5th to catch all the latest sales and spending way too much money on presents for friends and strangers. Stopping by The Rock to admire the tree and watch as late-night revelers fall in love on the rink, skating in and out of each other's arms.

Returning to the palace in the northern 'burbs topped in a blanket of snow with a carriage full of presents, wrapped in their bows. Enjoying a nice candlelit meal of baked organic chicken & veggies, perhaps some pasta in a garlic sauce with a wonderful pinot grigio, in front of a roaring fire whilst watching Doris Day DVDs on the LED screen that fills almost an entire wall. Moving to the couch with popcorn and more organic fruits and scrumptious probiotic chocolates to dip the fruit in, snuggling up on the sofa until the snuggling turns into an uncontrolled passionate session of loving my man.

Finishing on the balcony wrapped in his arms and glory to watch the sun rise, then being carried in his strong, gentle arms to our well-appointed bed of down pillows & comforters fitted with 1,000 thread-count Calvin Klein linens, falling asleep wrapped up in his arms, lilting into the dream-world whilst he stays deep inside my ... every essence....

If you'd like to ask a question for me to answer
just head over to my page on Fabulis.

For those not in the know, Fabulis.com is the network that helps gay men and their friends discover where to go, what to do, and who to meet. Fabulis is headquartered in New York, NY and has development operations in Pune, India, and Deinze, Belgium.

Happy Independence Day

2010-07-04T15:05:00.000-04:00

I've become quite annoyed that we, as a nation, are complacent with calling today's holiday "the Fourth of July" instead of its traditional, more meaningful name, "Independence Day."

Today's holiday celebrates the signing of the Declaration of Independence, which marks the birth of our great nation. Like Christmas, it is one of the few holidays we celebrate here in the USA that occurs on a specific date, as opposed to a specific day (such as the last Monday in May, when we celebrate Memorial Day, or the fourth Thursday in November, when we celebrate Thanksgiving).

We don't wish people a "Merry 25th of December" or a "Happy 11th of November"; why then, have we resorted to this downgrading of Independence Day by wishing folks a "Happy Fourth of July"?

A Long Day's Journey Into This Good Night (Part 1/3)

2010-06-16T09:56:00.002-04:00

I wrote this on 30 March 2010 but just haven’t had a chance to post it until now. But then, something happened today (a few conversations with a few different TweePALs) that made my memory job back a few months and remember what I had written, and realize that now would be a great time to finally get this up on my blog:

I had to go into the City today and forgot to bring a book along with me to read on the train ride. While the ride isn’t that long (50-minutes tops, from my sister's home) it’s long enough to get through a few chapters of a good book.

I did, however, have my trusty laptop computer with me so I’ve brought it out as the train is departing and am just going to write down some of my thoughts until a few minutes before my stop, when I’ll have to start the process of hibernating the computer (it takes a few minutes to go into hibernation mode because writing 3,221,225,472 bytes (3GB) of data to a hard disk drive – no matter the speed and/or interface – still takes a few minutes!).

Today was perhaps the busiest day I’ve had in a few years. I made, and kept four different appointments (although technically, I combined two appointments into one by seeing two friends in NYC at the same time, in-between the 1^st and 3^rd appointments I had, which were more business-related).

First, I met with an individual from Twitter with whom I had become twendly (that’s Twitterspeak for “Twitter-friendly” or “friendly using Twitter”), Linda Rey, whose Twitter username is @ReyInsurance. I had an absolutely, fantastically fabulous time with her, and actually am quite glad that I managed to get up, go out, and do something that’s outside of my routine.

Linda truly is an awesome, awe-inspiring individual. She’s warm, caring, intelligent, smart, friendly, funny, witty, compassionate, courageous, and a true wonder woman.

We talked shop for a bit and then talked about our lives. I look forward to building a relationship with her (boy, bet you’d never have heard those words coming out of THIS gay boy’s mouth, right? LOL!)—both business and personal—and having it grow as time move forwards. If I were straight, I could very well imagine myself falling in love with Linda—she’s just that sort of person. Linda was able to get me laughing quite often during our wonderful repartee, and actually said something which I thought would make a wonderful twote (that’s when we tweet quotations on Twitter—did I just coin another portmanteau?):

Linda was relaying a story of her dating escapades (or attempts thereof), and as soon as she said the following, I had to stop her and write it down. She asked if I was going to tweet that (GMTA!) and of course I told her that I was, because I thought it was such a fabulous thing that she revealed about her that also speaks volumes of truth about people and relationships in general these days. Thus sprach Linda:

What is it with all of these men putting all sorts of conditions and requirements into a relationship these days?? I’m at a point in my life now where I’m just, add water and I’m ready to go.

With that kind of humorous wit, how could anyone not fall in love with this great lady?

So not only have I made what hopefully will turn out to be a wonderfully productive and profitable business connection via Twitter for my new business venture, but I’ve hopefully made a wonderfully great, caring, and loving new friend as well. Talk about killing two birds with one stone! Linda is perhaps the fifth person I’ve met in-person whom I originally “met” via Twitter. And my meeting with her reinforces what I said in my blog posting around New Years of this year, that there are some absolutely phenomenal people in this world whom I never would have met without the benefit of being on Twitter. That I can turn an on-line relationship into a real-life relationship is an even greater benefit, and I expect that as I encounter more people around the world on Twitter such as Linda, I will find more and more people who possess the same wonderful and great qualities that I believe will make her a wonderful friend.

So after two hours flew by with Linda, she dropped me off at the train station where I caught the train into Grand Central and met up with two of my friends, one whom I haven’t seen in nearly a year and the other of whom I haven’t seen in nearly twice that amount of time. We went to Junior’s Restaurant (yes, of the same fame as Junior’s Most Fabulous Cheesecakes and Desserts from Brooklyn, NY) where I had a pretty decent Tuna Melt (on Rye, of course) served with the traditional, awesome, great-tasting New York Dill pickle. ;-) So we just chatted and caught up a bit and caught up with each other. I had to give one of my friends their tax return (it’s almost as if I were really killing three birds with one stone today, right?) so I was able to do that over lunch/dinner, as well.

One of my friends had to leave, so the other walked with me to my destination a few blocks away, a huge global law firm (somewhere in the neighborhood of 1,500 attorneys) where I might be able to get some work (after being unemployed for nearly three years!). Since I receive SSD income and have gone through my trial work period, I’m allowed to earn a whopping $1,000/month (gross income, pre-tax of course) and keep my benefits. That might not sound like a lot but believe me—it definitely comes in handy and having to live these past three years without that extra income has been an excruciating experience, to say the least!

If I actually could work enough hours to earn that (around 30 hours / month) amount, my net income would be more than double than what I’m receiving now from unemployment [note: my unemployment benefits ran out shortly after I wrote this; I haven’t received any unemployment benefits for nearly three months now!]. Add to that my work-from-home business (Tax Preparation, Business Consulting, IT Consulting, and Computer Repair/Instruction) and I might just start making enough money again to be able to afford a little present for myself every few months, instead of scraping by and worrying about finding something to eat on a daily basis. That would be a really nice—and welcomed—change of pace.

So my fourth and final meeting was actually to be tested at one of these firms (for about the past 8 years or so, the large firms don’t let one work for them, even through a temporary/employment agency that already has conducted its own testing, without first testing one’s skill set for their environment). The test took me a bit longer than I had thought as they tested me on the entire suite of MS-Office applications: Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and Outlook, as well as their document management system (DMS). In all honesty I haven’t used PowerPoint well over five years and they were using the 2007 version of MS Office, into which were incorporated some very drastic changes to the user interface (but that’s another story, for another time). So instead of finishing ahead of the “average” user who has taken the test, I took almost exactly the amount of time I was told the average user took to complete the test.

The one area where I think I may have not done so well, of course, is PowerPoint. After wasting around 15 minutes trying to modify the built-in templates to produce the document required by the test, I just scrapped everything and used the “screw it, do whatever works” method. I did manage to get the document completed and it looked fairly close to the original; however, it may not have been using the “best methods” or “best practices” that most firms like to see one use these days in MS Office applications. I’ll find out soon, and hopefully I will have scored well enough on the test so that they’ll call me in for work, during third shift (graveyard, a/k/a overnight shift). [UPDATE: I passed the test; the firm I tested at doesn’t score and only uses the pass/fail method, and I’m hoping to be called in for work soon!]

Another area where I actually was surprised was in the MS-Word portion of the test, because they required completion of a Table of Authorities, which is something that, normally, the paralegal or attorney would do. They also asked that citations to be inserted were formatted properly—again, something that usually is under the prevue of an attorney or paralegal. It’s a good thing that I went to law school and have worked as a paralegal, so I knew exactly what to do; I’ve never before seen a test given by one of these gigantic firms where such knowledge was required to successfully complete it.

So now I’m sitting on the Metro North train which is whisking me back toward my sister’s home. Once I get there, I’ll check into Twitter, update my blog with this posting, check into Farmville and see which of my crops had withered (I hadn’t planned to be off the Internet for such an extended period of time today), and just try to unwind. For me, this was a very, very busy day. While I feel drained of energy, at the same time I’m also excited, as I made new contacts, reconnected with old ones, and hopefully might have some work coming in that will replace the end of my unemployment benefits.

Coming soon:

Please read Part 2 of this posting to get an update on my family:

Then, read Part 3 of this blog post to learn why I decided to go back to what I had written a few months ago, dredge it up, and post it to my blog now.

QOTD - Suze Orman

2010-06-15T23:34:00.000-04:00

Found this awesome video clip from one of my favourite famous women who do not work in the field of entertainment, Suze Orman:

Here is a partial transcript of quotes that I thought should be transcribed for all to see:

Back [in the 1980s], there were ethics. There were ethics with money, believe it or not. You couldn't buy a house unless you had 20% down. They didn't give you credit cards unless you had the money to get out of credit card debt. They didn't give you a financial rope so that you could hang yourself.

Today's economy is based on the ignorance of the people everywhere in the hopes that you're going to make some serious financial mistake that makes these people over here be able to meet their earnings reports for the stock markets and the this and the that.

Way back when, money made sense. You could go to the university and pay $100 a semester to attend. Now we have kids graduating college with more student loan debt than they have any idea what to do with. Good luck if they ever are able to afford to buy a home, no matter where they live. Their jobs are being shipped overseas. And i can go on and on and on. The price of a gallon of gasoline—are you kidding?

All of everything ties to politics. Today it is so hard, you know I did this whole thing, this whole book deal that i did called The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous and Broke. I should've called it The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous, Depressed and Broke. And there's a good reason that the young ones today—I call them the wife & beers—that they're depressed: because nobody has their back, financially speaking.

You can tell—can you not tell I'm an emotional woman? I am passionate. I believe in what i'm saying. I've been doing this for 30 years. I have, and it's like, I'm going like, give me some emotion back...

However, it's worthless but through our own actions we can tape [the ripped up $20 bill] back together; we can bring these parts together—we can! But you're going to have to do it yourself because here's the bottom line: the government isn't gonna save you. Nobody's gonna save you. YOU have what it takes to save yourself. So when it comes to your money, I want you to look in the mirror because that's the best financial advisor you're gonna find. Please people, if you think other people have your best interests at heart when it comes to your money, I don't think so!

The End of a Friendship

2010-05-25T16:55:00.000-04:00

I just wrote this to my supposed best friend:

We met almost two years ago and have been through a lot together. However, our friendship cannot continue. You have destroyed any and all trust that I had in you by your actions.

If I speak to you about this, instead of writing, I will be using words that you do not want to hear – language that you, or any person of your race, would want to hear. That is how upset I am. So instead, I leave you with this letter.

It does not matter how much you took, or what you took. It matters, simply, that you took, without asking and without informing me (after the fact), period. And you didn’t take just once, or twice, or thrice—you took multiple times. After I confronted you about it and left for my mother’s, you continued to take. That’s all that matters.
I wish you well; I do not wish you any ill will. I will try to help you when I can, but we are and can only be acquaintances now.

I don’t know if you’ll ever repay me the money that you owe me (a substantial amount, at that) and even if you do, I don’t know if it will restore my faith and trust in you.

I gave you multiple chances—moreso than I would give other folks these days—solely because of our history and what I thought was to be our lasting friendship.

But another thing you took from me is the respect that you had given me. You don’t treat or view me with respect. It’s either Johnny’s way or the highway, and that can’t work in a true friendship. You weren’t respectful of things I told you, or as you to do. You didn’t respect my opinion, you didn’t heed my advice. You just did whatever it is that you wanted, and everyone else be damned.

I know you’re going through a lot right now. I’ve been there, as you well know. But I never stooped to the level that you have stooped to. I always maintained my personal integrity, self-respect, and trust among others. I always kept my word. You, conversely, have not.

I’m finding that people I once thought I was able to trust I am not so certain I can, and I’ve been reevaluating and reexamining all of my relationships with everyone.

The way you spoke to my mother in your messages, and what you told her, just prove my point about you—that you cannot be trusted. I still care about you, and this is what hurts the most—that I can’t trust you any longer. Without trust, there is no friendship.

My mother has demanded that I completely remove you from my life; I’m not certain that that’s possible. Maybe one day in the future you will regain my trust, but that day—if ever it comes—is a long way off into the future.
I leave you with this message: I hope you’re able to ground yourself, to find yourself once again, and to find what it is that you’re looking for. I hope you’re able to ease the pain you’re suffering, and to find love and friendship from others.

I wish you well, []. Even though I am still upset and furious at your actions and your decision to destroy our friendship (as it has been solely your actions that destroyed it) but still, I wish you well and all the best that life has to offer.

Sincerely,
Peter C. Frank

Case Study: Why 1,138 federal marriage rights matter

2010-05-02T15:04:00.003-04:00

AS OF MAY 2004—the last time this analysis was conducted, six years ago—there were ONE THOUSAND, ONE HUNDRED and THIRTY-EIGHT FEDERAL LAWS where martial status is a factor in determining rights, benefits, responsibilities, obligations, protections, etc.

In the past ten years alone, the IRS code (Title 26 of the United States Code) has grown by some 35,000 page or approximately 50% (thanks to Dorian Davis for this video factoid); if we presume that the IRS code grew 3,500 pages per year over the past ten years (using simple math--not trying to do complicate things), then we can say that it grew 21,000 pages over the past six years. In those 21,000 pages, how much would you like to bet that there are some new laws where marital status is a factor—and that's just in the IRS code, which constitutes only a portion of the United States Code surveyed to determine the number of laws where marital status is a factor.

How does this affect the every day individual—"Joe Schmoe," so the speak—you ask yourself? I present you with a real-world example of just how horrible things can go when one isn't afforded all of the protections conferred upon married couples by those 1,138-or-so federal laws:

I'd like to introduce you to Clay Greene, since the press and news media have decided to ignore this story (thanks to the efforts of some of our staunchest stalwarts like Bil Browning (of the Bilerico Project, which initially broke this sordid story on 17 April 2010), Andrew Sullivan, and Michaelangelo Signorile, to name a few), with the notable exception of The New York Times, albeit only on its blog site and only for the SF Bay Area, and only after three days of hounding by the LGBT media to bring attention to this barbarous story (as Mr. Sullivan so aptly puts it):

In the event that you've missed any of the reporting surrounding Mr. Greene, here's a quick update:

Clay Greene, a 78-year-old gay man from Sebastopol, filed a lawsuit against Sonoma County claiming he sustained spate of indignities at the hands of county officials during a bizarre estate battle that took place when Harold Scull, Mr. Greene's partner of 20+ years who was 88 at the time, fell and became hospitalized in 2008.

[As an aside, The New York Times points out that news of Mr. Greene's case came out just as POTUS Obama published his Presidential Memorandum on hospital visitation, which I've previously debunked as being pure rubbish and amounting to a hill of nothingness.]

Sonoma County (California) officials successfully petitioned the court to gain some powers of conservatorship. Then they “sold, kept, converted to their own use, and otherwise disposed of” almost $500,000 worth of belongings from the home shared by the two men — including furniture, art objects, and memorabilia from the years Mr. Scull spent working in Hollywood, as well as a truck and two cats.

Mr. Greene has stated that he and Mr. Scull previously had specified each other as executors in case either became incapacitated; however, Sonoma County officials ignored the couple's previously prepared legal documents and the history of their relationship, and at one point referred to Mr. Greene as Mr. Scull’s “roommate.”

Citing the state of Mr. Greene’s "mental health," Sonoma County officials then moved him—against his will—into a nursing home, and sold the rest of his belongings. He was not allowed to visit Mr. Scull, who died several months later, in August 2008.

Long story short: elderly gay couple, with all of the legal documents they could muster, because they were not allowed to marry, had the state trample all over their life and literally tear apart and obliterate their lives and cherished possessions. You can read more about the couple on The National Center for Lesbian Rights' web site in an article (hosted by The Bilerico Project) written by its executive director, Kate Kendell.

Also, be sure to check out the update posted by OutQ News where Sonoma County's response alleges that it was acting "in good faith" on a domestic violence claim—a claim that neither police nor the district attorney's office know anything about. Perhaps even more disturbing is the answer by Sonoma County that the county's bookkeeping records are "awful" and they haven't a clue as to where or to whom the proceeds from the auctions were disbursed!

Now, had Messrs. Greene and Clay been married, this, to quote the inspector from Woody Woodpecker, would never have happened. In those 1,138 or so federal laws pertaining or relating to marital status, there are protections for couples to prevent the government from making such harsh and punitive intrusions into a couple's life. Absent these protections (i.e., absent marriage), this same scenario could happen to anyone.

And, in fact, it did happen to another couple a few years ago. An unnamed couple living in Westchester County, New York, had a very similar situation happen to them. Unfortunately, I'm still awaiting details of their situation from a friend who personally knows them and their situation (*ahem*, LG, if you're reading this, please hurry?).

"So what can or shoud I/we do about this?", you may be asking yourself? The answer is very, very simple: demand full marriage equality for all consenting adult couples.

In the meantime, we can make some noise about the unfortunate and undeserving circumstances of couples like Messrs. Clay & Greene. As one friend on Facebook put it, it's:

TIME TO MAKE SOME NOISE:
Sonoma County, California has a board of 5 Supervisors, and each one of them needs to hear how ANGRY we are that something so heinous occurred on their watch! You can contact each supervisor by e-mail below (individual email addresses). If you would rather phone, they are reached through a common switchboard at (707) 565-2241. ASK THEM WHAT IS BEING DONE WITH REGARD TO THIS INSTANCE, AND HOW ARE THEY GOING TO ENSURE NOTHING LIKE THIS HAPPENS AGAIN. DEMAND THE FIRINGS OF THOSE INVOLVED.

FIRST DISTRICT: Supervisor Valerie Brown
vbrown@sonoma-county.org
SECOND DISTRICT: Supervisor Mike Kerns
mkerns@sonoma-county.org
THIRD DISTICT: Supervisor Shirley Zane
szane@sonoma-county.org
FOURTH DISTRICT: Supervisor Paul Kelley
pkelley@sonoma-county.org
FIFTH DISTRICT: Supervisor Efren Carrillo
ecarrillo@sonoma-county.org

Additionally, we can write letters to the Editors of our local newspapers, asking them why this story hasn't run in their newspaper, and we can also contact our local press and news media offices, asking them the same question.

Bringing light to this issue will help educate the American public as to Why Marriage Equality Matters (note: this links to a PDF file) to us; it's not j!ust some abstract theory we're fighting for. This involves real people, and real lives. It truly is a matter of justice.

Just remember, there are over one-thousand, one-hundred and thirty eight reasons under federal law alone for couples to get married; Harold & Clay's story is but one of the myriad in which couples have suffered without these essential and necessary protections afforded to everyone else.

[Note: I am e-mailing each of the five Sonoma County Supervisors a copy of this blog article; any responses they provide will be published on my blog either as a comment herein or as a follow-up blog posting.]

[Note: This section was added after the initial posting, at 3:45pm]: A friend just reminded me of something: we can also ask our national LGBTQ organizations—those well-established organizations supposedly "have our backs", such as the Human Rights Campaign, the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force, the American Civil Liberties Union, and Lambda Legal, for starters, just where the *(!&_@! they have been during this tragedy. HCR, NGLTF, ACLU & Lambda are the oldest and most well-established organizations in the country fighting for LGBTQ rights. Just where have they been throughout Clay's & Harold's ordeal? And where are they now? The answer, to date: ominously silent.

We, as a community, should also direct our and and our outrage at our own organizations—the very organizations that are supposedly fighting for our rights. Well here sits an egregious story filled with unconscionable behavior, and the very organizations that purport to represent us are just sitting idly by (with the notable exception of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, of course, which has spearheaded Clay's cause), attending $30,000/plate dinners with POTUS Obama. What a farce they all are.

It's time, indeed, for new leadership, new organizations, and a new direction, if we ever are to achieve the equality that we so desperately seek and deserve.

[Updated 3 May 2010 4:55pm UTC] This is the full text of the 2004 report by the United States General Accounting Office [PDF].

QOTD

2010-04-18T04:50:00.000-04:00

**le sigh**

They just don't make'm like this anymore ...

At this moment we are passing through a period of great unrest—social, political, and industrial unrest. It is of the utmost importance for our future that this should prove to be not the unrest of mere rebelliousness against life, of mere dissatisfaction with the inevitable inequality of conditions, but the unrest of a resolute and eager ambition to secure the betterment of the individual and the nation.

So far as this movement of agitation throughout the country takes the form of a fierce discontent with evil, of a determination to punish the authors of evil, whether in industry or politics, the feeling is to be heartily welcomed as a sign of healthy life.

If, on the other hand, it turns into a mere crusade of appetite against appetite, of a contest between the brutal greed of the “have nots” and the brutal greed of the “haves,” then it has no significance for good, but only for evil. If it seeks to establish a line of cleavage, not along the line which divides good men from bad, but along that other line, running at right angles thereto, which divides those who are well off from those who are less well off, then it will be fraught with immeasurable harm to the body politic.

* * *

As a matter of personal conviction, and without pretending to discuss the details or formulate the system, I feel that we shall ultimately have to consider the adoption of some such scheme as that of a progressive tax on all fortunes, beyond a certain amount, either given in life or devised or bequeathed upon death to any individual—a tax so framed as to put it out of the power of the owner of one of these enormous fortunes to hand on more than a certain amount to any one individual; the tax of course, to be imposed by the national and not the state government. Such taxation should, of course, be aimed merely at the inheritance or transmission in their entirety of those fortunes swollen beyond all healthy limits. Again, the national government must in some form exercise supervision over corporations engaged in interstate business—and all large corporations engaged in interstate business—whether by license or otherwise, so as to permit us to deal with the far reaching evils of overcapitalization.

* * *

No good whatever will come from that warped and mock morality which denounces the misdeeds of men of wealth and forgets the misdeeds practiced at their expense; which denounces bribery, but blinds itself to blackmail; which foams with rage if a corporation secures favors by improper methods, and merely leers with hideous mirth if the corporation is itself wronged.

The only public servant who can be trusted honestly to protect the rights of the public against the misdeeds of a corporation is that public man who will just as surely protect the corporation itself from wrongful aggression .

If a public man is willing to yield to popular clamor and do wrong to the men of wealth or to rich corporations, it may be set down as certain that if the opportunity comes he will secretly and furtively do wrong to the public in the interest of a corporation.

But in addition to honesty, we need sanity. No honesty will make a public man useful if that man is timid or foolish, if he is a hot-headed zealot or an impracticable visionary. As we strive for reform we find that it is not at all merely the case of a long uphill pull. On the contrary, there is almost as much of breeching work as of collar work. To depend only on traces means that there will soon be a runaway and an upset.

The men of wealth who today are trying to prevent the regulation and control of their business in the interest of the public by the proper government authorities will not succeed, in my judgment, in checking the progress of the movement. But if they did succeed they would find that they had sown the wind and would surely reap the whirlwind, for they would ultimately provoke the violent excesses which accompany a reform coming by convulsion instead of by steady and natural growth.

~Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt
(October 27, 1858 – January 6, 1919)
26th POTUS, Statesman, Politician

The quotes published above by President Theodore were given during his “The Man with the Muck Rake” Speech on Sunday, 15 April 1906, at the laying of the corner stone of the Cannon Office Building in Washington, DC. (it truly is an awesome & awe-inspiring speech!)

It's so sad how much of what President Roosevelt said in his speech is still true today—over a century later!

POTUS Obama issues Memorandum on Hospital Visitation Rights

2010-04-15T23:06:00.005-04:00

I read the memo that Obama wrote in its entirety, and I have to disagree with all of the hoopla that's being made about it--not with anything that he said but with how people are characterizing this as such a monumental change, etc.

This is not an order; it's a memo, and there's quite a big difference between the two. If Obama wished to place impetus into his words, he would (or should) have issued an Executive Order, NOT a memorandum seeking advice from the Dept of HHS on how it should be doing its job. In other words, it's a request, a comment, a call to action--not the action itself.

Yet, people continue to create fanfare and hoopla and praise Obama for barely lifting a finger. IMHO, this is not NEARLY as big as people are making it out to be. Essentially, this is Obama saying something along the lines of, "yes...well, people shouldn't be discriminated against and they should be allowed to have visitation rights but I'm not going to force the issue and start ordering people & hospitals to comply with what I'd like to see happen...."

So just what does it all boil down to you ask, boys & girls? Try this on for size:

The Dept of Health & Human Svcs basically can tell Obama to bugger off; if Obama had issued an Executive Order, things would be *quite* different. But this is, quite literally, the LEAST POSSIBLE ACTION that POTUS could take w/ respect to their admin.

And that, as they say, is that.

[TEXT AFTER THIS POINT ADDED 16 April 2010 5:00am UTC -- you folks just couldn't deal with me writing a short post to my blog, could ya? ;-) ]

I've been accused by some of being factually incorrect in stating that Obama has not ordered the Director of the US Department of Health & Human Services. I linked to the Memorandum as published by the US White House Office of the Press Secretary; however, just to clear things up (because apparently, most folk haven't taken the time to click through and actually read what Obama wrote), here is what President Obama actually wrote in his memorandum (this is a direct quotation from the Memorandum over which everybody is making such a great, big fuss):

By this memorandum, I request that you take the following steps:
Initiate appropriate rulemaking, pursuant to your authority under 42 U.S.C. 1395x and other relevant provisions of law, to ensure that hospitals that participate in Medicare or Medicaid respect the rights of patients to designate visitors. It should be made clear that designated visitors, including individuals designated by legally valid advance directives (such as durable powers of attorney and health care proxies), should enjoy visitation privileges that are no more restrictive than those that immediate family members enjoy. You should also provide that participating hospitals may not deny visitation privileges on the basis of race, color, national origin, religion, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability. The rulemaking should take into account the need for hospitals to restrict visitation in medically appropriate circumstances as well as the clinical decisions that medical professionals make about a patient's care or treatment.

Ensure that all hospitals participating in Medicare or Medicaid are in full compliance with regulations, codified at 42 CFR 482.13 and 42 CFR 489.102(a), promulgated to guarantee that all patients' advance directives, such as durable powers of attorney and health care proxies, are respected, and that patients' representatives otherwise have the right to make informed decisions regarding patients' care. Additionally, I request that you issue new guidelines, pursuant to your authority under 42 U.S.C. 1395cc and other relevant provisions of law, and provide technical assistance on how hospitals participating in Medicare or Medicaid can best comply with the regulations and take any additional appropriate measures to fully enforce the regulations.

Provide additional recommendations to me, within 180 days of the date of this memorandum, on actions the Department of Health and Human Services can take to address hospital visitation, medical decisionmaking, or other health care issues that affect LGBT patients and their families.
This memorandum is not intended to, and does not, create any right or benefit, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity by any party against the United States, its departments, agencies, or entities, its officers, employees, or agents, or any other person.

You are hereby authorized and directed to publish this memorandum in the Federal Register.

[emphasis supplied; hyperlinks provided]

Now let's examine the language that President Obama used (please note that "emphasis supplied" means that I altered the appearance of the text by adding bold-face/italics to it; otherwise, apart from any formatting snafus, the text remains exactly as it was published by the White House Office of the Press Secretary):

As can be seen in the first sentence that is quoted, President Obama has requested that the Director of the US Department of Health & Human Services perform three actions, which he outlines. Within those three actions, he reiterates that he is requesting her to perform these actions. I think it's time to take a dictionary break:

re·quest

–noun
[ ]

–verb (used with object)
6. to ask for, esp. politely or formally: He requested permission to speak.
7. to ask or beg; bid (usually fol. by a clause or an infinitive): to request that he leave; to request to be excused.
8. to ask or beg (someone) to do something: He requested me to go.
–verb (used with object)
1. to put a question to; inquire of: I asked him but he didn't answer.
2. to request information about: to ask the way.
3. to try to get by using words; request: to ask advice; to ask a favor.
4. to solicit from; request of: Could I ask you a favor? Ask her for advice.
5. to demand; expect: What price are they asking? A little silence is all I ask.
6. to set a price of: to ask $20 for the hat.
7. to call for; need; require: This experiment asks patience.
8. to invite: to ask guests to dinner.
9. Archaic. to publish (banns).

–verb (used without object)
10. to make inquiry; inquire: to ask about a person.
11. to request or petition (usually fol. by for): to ask for leniency; to ask for food.

or·der

–noun
[ ]

–verb (used with object)
37. to give an order, direction, or command to: The infantry divisions were ordered to advance.
38. to direct or command to go or come as specified: to order a person out of one's house
39. to prescribe: The doctor ordered rest for the patient.
40. to direct to be made, supplied, or furnished: to order a copy of a book.
41. to regulate, conduct, or manage: to order one's life for greater leisure.
42. to arrange methodically or suitably: to order chessmen for a game.
43. Mathematics . to arrange (the elements of a set) so that if one element precedes another, it cannot be preceded by the other or by elements that the other precedes.
44. to ordain, as God or fate does.
45. to invest with clerical rank or authority.

–verb (used without object)
46. to give an order or issue orders: I wish to order, but the waiter is busy.

di·rect

–verb (used with object)
1. to manage or guide by advice, helpful information, instruction, etc.: He directed the company through a difficult time.
2. to regulate the course of; control: History is directed by a small number of great men and women.
3. to administer; manage; supervise: She directs the affairs of the estate.
4. to give authoritative instructions to; command; order or ordain: I directed him to leave the room.
5. to serve as a director in the production or performance of (a musical work, play, motion picture, etc.).
6. to guide, tell, or show (a person) the way to a place: I directed him to the post office.
7. to point, aim, or send toward a place or object: to direct radio waves around the globe.
8. to channel or focus toward a given result, object, or end (often fol. by to or toward ): She directed all her energies toward the accomplishment of the work.
9. to address (words, a speech, a written report, etc.) to a person or persons: The secretary directed his remarks to two of the committee members.
10. to address (a letter, package, etc.) to an intended recipient.

–verb (used without object)
11. to act as a guide.
12. to give commands or orders.
[emphasis supplied]
[source: Dictionary.com, an Ask.com service]

So as we can see, there is a clear—and significant—difference between the words "request," "order," "ask," and "direct": to request and to ask are synonymous with each other; likewise, to order and to direct are synonymous with each other. With the first group, the connotation is such that one is seeking another to perform an action, without having authority to require such action of said individual. In other words, the decision on whether or not such action is to be undertaken is left with the person upon whom such action is being requested.

Contrary to the non-authoritative, permission-seeking words "request" and "ask," the words "order" and "direct" connote authority from the individual issuing such directives such that one can be fairly certain that the missives being commanded will be carried out. In other words, the decision on whether or not such action is to be undertaken is left with the person who is commanding such action.

I now bring your attention to the very last paragraph and sentence of Obama's Memorandum:

You are hereby authorized and directed to publish this memorandum in the Federal Register.

[emphasis supplied]

Unlike the earlier paragraphs, where Obama requests the Director of HHS to undertake certain actions, here we see Obama directing the Director of HHS to take certain action.

Clearly, President Obama knows the difference in meanings among these words and has chosen the wording of his Memorandum very carefully. If you have any doubt as to this, then ask yourself, "Why did he only request that the HHS Director take the enumerated steps but direct her to perform other actions?" The answer should then become quite obvious, as I've implied above: President Obama has done the very least he could possibly do in order to throw some bread crumbs to the LGBTQ community, in an effect to begin soliciting funds for his fellow politicians so that they all may return to their thrones of power in this coming November's mid-term election.

I'm not going to get into the fact that Candidate Obama promised, upon his election, a repeal of DADT and a repeal of DOMA. To date, neither of his promises have been given even a scintilla of veracity by him.

Oh, and before I get to my next point, I do need to bring this to your attention once again (even though I've hyperlinked to the text and quoted it above, I set it apart here for your inspection).

This memorandum is not intended to, and does not, create any right or benefit, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity by any party against the United States, its departments, agencies, or entities, its officers, employees, or agents, or any other person.

And there you have it, in black & white. President Obama states, quite clearly, that his intention is not to actually confer upon any individual any right[s] or benefit[s] that can be enforced by any sort of legal mechanism, whatsoever.

If there is any doubt in anyone's minds that President Obama has absolutely no intention of having the Director of the US Department of Health & Human Services effectuate any of his "requests" then perhaps this will prove more probative in convincing any such individual.

In his Memorandum, President Obama quotes four (4) distinct sections of US law:

42 U.S.C. 1395x
42 CFR 482.13
42 CFR 489.102(a) and
42 U.S.C. 1395cc

Let's take a brief, quick look at these sections of United States Law:

42 U.S.C. 1395x consists entirely of definitions used in "The Public Health and Welfare" section of United States law (Title 42 of the United States Code)

42 CFS 482.13, to the best of my knowledge, does not exist.

42 CFR 489.102(a) is a very short (three-columns) section of law pertaining to the requirements of providers of health services who accept payment from Medicaid and/or Medicare, particularly with respect to advanced directors. Unlike health proxies, advanced directives are generally used to confer upon another individual their wishes with respect to remaining or being removed from life support, should they ever find themselves in such a situation. Advances directives therefore usually are very limited forms of a health care proxy in that there is only one decision to be made: whether or not to continue life support for an individual (usually in some form of a vegetative state) who is unable to make that determination for themself. Oh, and about 1/3 of the text in these three columns provides exemptions from adhering to the wishes, desires, commands, directives, and orders from such health care proxy with respect to an advanced directive on the grounds that it is contrary to the provider's religious beliefs.

Finally, 42 U.S.C. 1395cc deals with billing agreements with health care providers who accept Medicaid and/or Medicare as a method of payment for the health services they render.

So, what do we really have here?

We have:

President Obama, approximately six months before the mid-term elections, throwing a few breadcrumbs to the LGBTQ community, as political strategy for fundraising efforts that will enable the return of the Kings and Queens in Congress to their respective thrones, asking the Director of the US Department of Health & Human Services to implement some vague changes that 95% of the nation agree should have been made ages ago, referencing some pretty irrelevant sections of the laws of the United States of America and perhaps even throwing in another reference just to make it look better, all the whilst stating that he has absolutely zero (0) intention of actually making any real changes that would actually benefit or confer a right upon anyone with respect to what he's requesting the US HSS Dep't director to do, and then commanding her to publish his so-called intentions.

In other words, what we have here is a big, fat, bulking heap of ...

ZERO!

Now do you folks get it, and why all of the fanfare, hoopla, and parades surrounding this are really, truly, honest-to-goodness, over nothing?
[Time Stamp - insertion of new section completed 16 April 2010 6:45am UTC]

How the UK tax system works, in pub English

2010-04-12T04:13:00.005-04:00

A friend from the UK recently sent this as an explanation of their tax system:

This topical explanation may be of help in understanding the recent UK budget!

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all
ten comes to £100...

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go
something like this...

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay £1.
The sixth would pay £3.
The seventh would pay £7.
The eighth would pay £12.
The ninth would pay £18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay £59.

So, that's what they decided to do..

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with
the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve ball.

"Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to
reduce the cost of your daily beer by £20". Drinks for the ten men
would now cost just £80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes.

So the first four men were unaffected.

They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men—the paying customers?

How could they divide the £20 windfall so that everyone would get his
fair share?

They realised that £20 divided by six is £3.33. But if they
subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the
sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each
man's bill by a higher percentage the poorer he was, to follow the
principle of the tax system they had been using, and he proceeded to
work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.

And so the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100%
saving).

The sixth now paid £2 instead of £3 (33% saving).

The seventh now paid £5 instead of £7 (28% saving).

The eighth now paid £9 instead of £12 (25% saving).

The ninth now paid £14 instead of £18 (22% saving).

The tenth now paid £49 instead of £59 (16% saving).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four
continued to drink for free. But, once outside the bar, the men began
to compare their savings.

"I only got a pound out of the £20 saving," declared the sixth man.

He pointed to the tenth man,"but he got £10!"

"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a pound
too. It's unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!"

"That's true!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get £10 back,
when I got only £2? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison, "we didn't get
anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!"

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine
sat down and had their beers without him. But when it came time to
pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have
enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is
how our tax system works.

The people who already pay the highest taxes will naturally get the
most benefit from a tax reduction.

Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may
not show up anymore.

In fact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is
somewhat friendlier.

So to all of you in the USA who think you have it bad, just think how things could be...

I am an American, too!

2010-04-11T22:39:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, 10 April 2010, Dixie Carter, an amazing American actress and lady of extreme talent and class, passed away. She was just 70 years old -- quite young, given today's longer life expectancies, although during her seven decades of life, she provided us with greatness that will always be remembered thanks to the invention we call television.

While Ms. Carter was an extraordinary actress on the stage and appeared as a star in numerous Broadway roles, she most likely will be remembered for her role playing "Julia Sugarbaker" from the hit 1980s American television sit-com, Designing Women.

Following is a video clip from the hit show, which shows not just the strength of character and talent of the show but but that of Dixie Carter, as well. Having seen Ms. Carter perform in person, and having watched various interviews of her, it's quite hard to make a distinction between Dixie Carter and the role that she plays as Julia Sugarbaker in the clip below.

And just because this is such a wonderful, moving, and relevant speech, I have transcribed it. Please note, that this was the 46th episode of Designing Women, which aired during its third season in 1989 -- 21 years ago (it was the 2nd episode of its !

Dixie Carter (as "Julia Sugarbaker"): No, Mr. Brickette, I have not forgotten. I was thinking that you seem to have forgotten the phrase, "Separation of Church and State." But the one thing I did forget was just how divisive and dishonest and distasteful someone like you can be. I've sat here today and listened to you pander to these people but you don't actually care about them or you wouldn't be sitting here reinforcing their ignorances and prejudices.

Jason Bernard (as "Mr. Wilson Brickette"): You heard that, callers. She just called you ignorant and prejudiced!

Dixie Carter (as "Julia Sugarbaker"): I do not think that everyone in America is ignorant—far from it! But we are, today, probably the most uneducated, under-read and illterate nation in the Western Hemisphere, which makes it all the more puzzling to me why the biggest question on your small mind is whether or not little Johnny is going to recite the Pledge of Allegiance every morning.

And I'll tell you something else, Mr. Brickette: I have had it up to here with you and your phoney issues and your yankee-doodle yakking. If you like reciting the pledge of allegiance every day then I think you should do it in the car, in the shower, wherever the mood strikes you. But don't try to tell me when or where I have to say or do or salute anything because I am an American, too–and that is what being an American is all about.

And another thing: I am sick and tired of being made to feel that if I am not a member of a little family with 2.4 children who goes just to Jerry Falwell's church and puts their hands over their hearts every morning that I am unreligious, unpatriotic and unAmerican because I have news for you, Mr. Brickette: all liberals are not kooks any more than all conservatives are fascists!

And the last time I checked, God was neither a Democrat nor a Republican.

And just for your information, yes—I am a liberal but I am also ... a Christian. And I get down on my knees and pray every day, on my own turf, on my own time. One of the things that I pray for, Mr. Brickette, is that people with power will get good sense, and people with good sense will get power, and that the rest of us will be blessed with the patience and the strength to survive the people like you in the meantime!

Rest In Peace, Dixie Carter!

My Roommate Situation

2010-04-11T19:44:00.002-04:00

I sent this e-mail to my housing agency; in addition to sending it directly to my worker, I cc'd it to his supervisor and the director of the entire agency, as well as my therapist & a housing advocate.

Last night, I cooked a package of chicken wings (contained about 30 wings) belonging to my roommate. As I state in the e-mail, I'm now in a "tit-for-tat" mode of dealing w/ him: getting him to ask me before he just goes and eats my food hasn't been working, so now I just take what I want/need of his (and still, the balance is much more in his favor, as he consumes far more of my food products than I do of his). I ate about 4-5 wings, then went to sleep. Woke up to find that he'd eaten the rest of the chicken. Now granted, this was his food but now I'm left with absolutely nothing to eat but four boxes of pasta.

He finished off the rest of my butter, cooking oil, and whatever other ingredients I had left that I could use to make any of the boxes of pasta with.

People owe me money, and looks like I might just have to get a bill collector to start getting it from them. What fun!

Here's the e-mail that I sent, filing an official complaint with the agency (I redacted individual's names to protect their privacy but those were the only changes I made):

8 April 2010

Dear E:

I am writing to file an official complaint with you regarding my roommate, K, and three very specific issues that I have repeatedly brought up with you during our meetings (and with which I repeatedly engage Kenneth in conversation): (1) unsanitary bathroom conditions; (2) consumption of food products purchased by me; and (3) leaving the apartment door unlocked when he leaves.

First, I repeatedly have asked K to either raise the toilet seat or sit down when he urinates. While he has gotten better at this, after a few days, the bathroom indubitably falls into a condition whereby K's urination on and around the toilet comes to a point where it becomes quite uncomfortable, unsanitary, and extremely distasteful should either a guest or myself need to utilize the facilities. He continues--especially in periods of my absence--to urinate without regard as to whether or not his bodily fluids end up in the toilet bowel or on or even outside of it. As I have previously advised you, K's urine is very strong-scented and sticky (which you surmised was from his being diabetic).

Second, K continues to consume my food products, groceries, and cooking essentials without first asking me. As with the situation about his urinating in the bathroom, I have had numerous, multiple conversations with him about this. He sometimes admits and sometimes denies consuming my groceries. For instance, right before I left to visit with my sister, I had purchased four jars of pasta sauce and five boxes of Ronzoni pasta. I used ONE of each of them (i.e., one jar of sauce and one box of pasta) before leaving. When I returned to the apartment approximately one week later, I found one-half box of opened Ronzoni pasta left, as well as one-half jar of pasta sauce, sitting in the pantry. K admitted to using one-half of a jar of sauce but said that he put the portion he didn't use back into the pantry; this leaves two jars unspoken for.

Speaking of placing partially-consumed items into the pantry, I have a number of marinades and salad dressings that have been in the kitchen cabinet, unused. I recently went through them and discovered that almost all of the bottles toward the back of the cabinet have been opened and partially consumed.

Aside from the fact that no one else -- to my knowledge -- has been in our apartment (and even if they were, they wouldn't have consumed my food without letting me know about it), any and all of my friends would know to place the unused portion of pasta sauce from a jar, the unused portion of marinade sauce or salad dressing in a bottle, into the refrigerator and not back onto the shelf or into the food pantry.

The other night, he purchased ice cream for me because he had consumed most of the ice cream that I had purchased. I went to the freezer to get a dish, and couldn't find it. I found the ice cream sitting in the refrigerator, and asked K about this. He advised me that he thought it would be OK in the 'fridge as it would keep the ice cream (now soup) cool so it wouldn't spoil.

I have attempted conversations with K about these matters to no avail. He states that he will replace the items he has consumed, which he sometimes does, but never all of the items. I have attempted assuming a "tit-for-tat" mode of operation with K, to no avail (the difference, however, is that instead of having him have to ask me if I've consumed any of his food purchases, I would tell him (were he home at the time, or the next time I see him) that I had consumed X of his because he had consumed Y of mine and hadn't replaced it -- to which he responded "Oh, okay."

Finally, I need to bring up the third issue with you. When K leaves the apartment, he does not lock the apartment door. This leaves the apartment exposed as an easy target for burglars, considering that without locking the deadbolt on the doorknob, one can easily break into the apartment using a credit card or similar instrument to bypass the doorknob-only lock. K thinks that the doorknob-only lock is enough to prevent invasion into the home by individuals seeking to steal the contents therein.

Additionally, this creates an additional problem, as K often locks himself out of the apartment. As before, I have had numerous conversations with K about locking the front door, explaining to him that without throwing the deadbolt lock utilizing his key, it leaves the apartment exposed to greater risk of theft. I told him that if he put his key into the lock before he closed the apartment door, it would assure him that (a) he had his keys with him and wouldn't be locked out and (b) the apartment would be more secured. Now that warmer months are coming, I expect the return of individuals to the building and its environs who come to the building for illicit purposes and who do not belong here, and whom my neighbors and I chase away whenever we see them. If they gain knowledge of the items belonging to me that are in the apartment and the easy access to the apartment, I can only imagine how devastating a loss it would be to me, both emotionally and financially (I have advised you that a great amount of the items I keep in my apartment are the legacy I have received from my grandparents, donated to me by my sister as she did not want them; therefore, there is great emotional attachment to these items).

Then, there is the aspect of personal safety; with such easy access to the apartment by using a credit card to bypass the doorknob lock, and the flimsy door that serves as a barrier to my own bedroom and private space (it's one of those hollowed-out wooden doors that uses perhaps 1/8" wood on each side of the door, with nothing in-between, and a simple, pickable, bypassable lock to gain entrance therein), who's to say what may happen to me when K leaves very early in the morning to go to his program (sometimes as early as 7am) while I am sleeping (or even not sleeping). Being physically handicapped, I would be at a great disadvantage were a burglar to enter my apartment and especially my bedroom in search of loot and I feel an increased risk for my own, personal safety every time K leaves the apartment without locking the door behind him.

I would hate to have to file a claim against Cluster in such an event of loss due to burglary, given the number of items of value that I own which are stored in the apartment, and in the even more severe situation should I come unto undue harm due to the lack of my roommate properly securing the premises upon his departure therefrom.

As has been the case with my last two roommates, K is not paying his portion of the cable bill (the agreement with which we had finally worked out, months after he has been living here) in a timely fashion. He is in serious need of money management skills and assistance. I have witnessed his CD / DVD collection grow from nothing to nearly one-hundred various CDs/DVDs in the six months or so that I have had K as a roommate. (You will recall that I have asked K to pay $10/week for cable--he hasn't paid in I believe it is three weeks, and considering that the cable-only portion of my cable bill is around $118/month, even you agreed that having K pay ~1/3 of that amount is quite generous of me--I pay for 100% of the Internet/VOIP portion of the cable bill).

Finally, I need to point out to you that contrary to a New York State Law which went into effect on 22 February 2010, there is no carbon monoxide detector installed anywhere in the apartment (for that matter, I believe that no such detectors are installed anywhere within the building).

I cannot continue to live under these conditions, and I never had to deal with such conditions with either of my two previous roommates. I never before experienced issues with my roommate consuming my food (or my consuming theirs) with either Fred or David; I haven't had to deal with them not locking the door when they leave the apartment (if anything, it was the opposite), and I never had to deal with unsanitary living conditions in the common/shared living areas.

I get along with K and I think he's a nice guy; however, I believe that he's in need of serious help and greater supervision. I haven't had these problems with my two previous roommates. I mean, putting my ice cream in the refrigerator after taking some, and thinking it would be OK?

I hope that we will be able to achieve a swift resolution to these issues.

As I have been doing since returning from holiday during the holidays, I am making a more concerted effort to come to the office at least once per week either to see and meet with you or to attend the weekly housing meeting. I will continue to keep to this commitment; however, please do be advised that I have as of yet been unable to resolve my inability to obtain my prescription medication (antidepressants) due to an increase in my Medicare Part D deductible and cannot afford the $216 that CVS is charging for the four generic prescription medications I have been taking and, as such, ran out of meds over the weekend and have begun going through SSRI withdrawal. As such, I've been feeling, to be blunt, like horse-dung.

Thank you for your time and courteous cooperation.

Sincerely,
-Peter C. Frank

A possible taxpayer's revolt

2010-03-31T00:30:00.004-04:00

I have just sent the following Letter to the Editors via e-mail:

Westchester-Putnam
Letters to the Editor
The Journal News
1 Gannett Drive
White Plains, NY 10604

To the Editors:

I recently blogged about the severe fiscal crisis in which the State of New York has found itself. Various state agencies' bills are not being paid and as a result, they are losing services. In particular, the Office of Mental Health is set to lose all of their administrative and support staff as of 1 April 2010 as the entirety of such staff is employed through a temporary employment agency, whose contract has not been renewed by the state.

There are rumors abound that state income tax refunds are being withheld until as long as the fall -- refunds that many people are relying upon. Local governments and school districts are still waiting for payments owed to them by NYS.

Under New York State law, a Writ of Mandamus can be issued under an Article 78 Proceeding to "compel a government agency or official to do something they are required by law to do."

I wonder if it would be possible for the County of Westchester, as well as other local municipalities and school districts to file an Article 78 proceeding on behalf of its citizens, compelling the State to release the funds owed to the local municipalities, school districts, and individual taxpayers. As a tax preparer, many of my clients are relying on their state refunds to help pay bills, and without such funds forthcoming in a timely fashion, it most certainly will negatively impact their credit ratings.

Perhaps the citizens of NYS could file an Article 78 Proceeding against all lawmakers in Albany, compelling them to pass a budget on 1 April 2010 (the start of New York's fiscal year), forcing the state to release funds owed to all those who are waiting for such monies to enter their coffers.

Or, perhaps even a class action lawsuit could be filed by the citizens of New York against the State for its fiscal irresponsibility.

Unfortunately, when elections come this fall, given the historic short-term memories of those who vote, I doubt very much that anyone will remember these goings-on and instead, voters will return most of the currently elected state officials to their thrones of power.

Sincerely,
-Peter C. Frank a/k/a @NiteStar
[address removed]
Yonkers, New York
[contact information removed]

New York State in Severe Fiscal Crisis

2010-03-30T16:50:00.003-04:00

Every Sunday around midnight, for more than the past two years, I've logged into the New York State Unemployment Insurance web site to certify my weekly claim for unemployment benefits (my whopping $60/week!).

This past weekend, around midnight on Sunday, I logged into the web site without any difficulty. When I attempted to certify my weekly claim, as I had always done, I was advised that the site was experiencing technical difficulties and could not be access at that time. I tried, for the first time ever, to certify my weekly claim by calling in to the NYS Unemployment Office Certification number. I got up to the point where I choose the option to certify my weekly claim, and was advised that my request could not be completed at that time due to "technical difficulties."

When I am able to certify my weekly claim before noon on Sunday, I receive my money on my debit card (issued by NYS thru Chase bank) very late Monday night. If I complete my weekly unemployment certification between noon on Sunday and late Sunday evening, the money goes onto my card late Tuesday night. After late Sunday evening, the money goes onto my card late Wednesday night.

I repeatedly attempted to file my weekly certification for unemployment benefits at various points throughout Sunday, both online and via telephone. I was unable to do so until very very late Sunday night. I find it very convenient that New York State's fiscal operating budget expires tomorrow, Wednesday, 31 March 2010 and the State Legislature has failed--yet again--to pass a new budget (I think the last time a budget was passed by the New York State legislature on time was at some point before the birth of my now-deceased grandparents).

To make matters even more interesting (and dire), I was advised by a source (who must remain anonymous) about conversations that were overheard today while they were inside of a state-run mental health clinic (owned and operated by the NYS Office of Mental Health (NYS OMH)). Apparently, their (the office's) telephone service wasn't working properly because the telephone bill hadn't been paid. Other overheard conversations were that half the power in the building wasn't working because the electric bill hadn't been paid.

The final overheard conversation was that the entire administrative staff throughout the entire NYS OMH will no longer be employed as of 1 April 2010, as they are all temporary employees employed via an employment agency under contract with NYS, and as the state budget has yet to be passed (and a vote to extend financing of vital NYS operations also has failed to have passed), the contract will not be renewed and all administrative workers throughout the agency state-wide will be without a job. This also leaves the entire agency, on a state-wide basis, without any administrative workers; just the clinicians and doctors will be left to run things.

This paints a very pretty picture of the current fiscal condition that New York State is in. Forget getting your income tax refund from New York State any time in the near future; right now they can't even pay their own bills to keep their own offices running and pay the employees who have kept state government running for ages (thru the contractual employment of temporary employees via an employment agency, which--of course--obviates the need to provide such employees any benefits).

Given all of the above information, things do not look good at all for the fiscal state of the State of New York--and this is but a minute piece of the pie.

Healing Thoughts & Energies Requested

2010-01-04T22:16:00.003-05:00

Please take a moment and send some healing thoughts & energies or prayers for my sister, Jennifer. She SMSd me (texted me) a short while ago that they her OB/GYN team has been unable to stop her labor and they are therefore going to have her undergo an emergency cesarean section to deliver the twin baby girls she's been carrying for the past nine or so months.

Her OB/GYN team originally had scheduled a somewhat-less-of-an-emergency cesarean section for tomorrow afternoon, because my sister had taken aspirin today (or some other NSAID). Unfortunately, when one has taken any NSAIDs 24 hours before surgery, the risks during and after surgery for complications to arise are greatly increased, mostly due to the ease at which a person will bleed with NSAIDs like aspiring in their bloodstream. She actually had been admitted to hospital & was undergoing an intravenous "flush" (using saline solution) to try to clear the aspirin out of her system more rapidly.

So right now, as I write this, my sister should be in the operating room and the doctors preparing to deliver her twin baby girls.

Yours thoughts, etc. on her behalf for a good delivery and uncomplicated surgery are most appreciated....

Another Soldier Falls

2010-01-02T14:28:00.002-05:00

I received this e-mail late last night. It saddens me that I didn't get a chance to know Rev Brett better than the little contact I had with him. He was a true pioneer, a soldier, a human being filled with love and compassion, and he will most definitely be missed. Our only comfort is in knowing that his energy persists, and that the mission he started will be continued and carried out by others.

[UPDATE] Apparently, Rev. Harris suffered a heart-attack last week.

Rest In Peace, good Reverend!

Rev. Brett Harris, the founder of Friends of Bryce and Ergonomical Ministries, passed away on New Years Day 2010. He was 48 years old at the time of his death.

In honor of the man and his work there will be an online visual here on the Friendsofbryce ning network in the chat room.

Date: This Sunday 3 January 2010

Time: 9PM Central Standard Time

Where: on the Friends of Bryce network on Ning

Come and meet other network members and lets remember the man and his vision that started all of this and brought us together.

FYI on Friends of Bryce

The ministry of Friends of Bryce has been in contact with most ministers. It has been decided that the work of Rev. Brett Harris should not stop with his sudden death. Myself with Gary Konnecky are working with the other ministers to continue both FOB and Ergonomical Ministries. The Mari Rev's work will not be lost and his vision will move forward.

We will be having a private Ministry meeting in 2 weeks after mourning Rev. After the meeting there will be an official release as to when and how Rev's work will continue.

As of right now the private network is going to stay up and running and as far as we know his other websites will too. In the event that everything is taken down I have all of your email address's and the private network will be rebuilt and one by one the others will follow.

Any questions on FOB need to be directed to me at the Ministry of Civic Awareness: Sheilaputang on yahoo

Hope to see you all Sunday Night.

Lets Remember the Man

that brought this movement together.

Rev you're free now to soar with the other angels.

You will be truly missed but never forgotten.

A New Decade, Unconditional Love

2009-12-31T16:51:00.013-05:00

Approximately one decade ago, Westchester County (where I live) was debating the passage of legislation that would establish its own Human Rights Law/Commission. The proposed legislation was extremely controversial because it included "sexual orientation" as a protected class--something the New York State law did not do at the time.

As someone who has been politically involved since high school and active in the LGBTQ rights movement, I wrote a letter to the editors of our local newspaper in support of the passage of the county's proposed Human Rights Law. For whatever reason, somewhere around 90% of the letters to editors that I write actually get published, and this was no exception.

My letter appeared in the local paper, signed with my name & village of residence. My grandmother, very frail of health (at that time she'd had four major coronary infarctions and a series of minor strokes, along with the usual health problems associated with someone approaching their 80th birthday who had been smoking for 60+ years...), came into my room carrying the newspaper (while not bed-ridden, she didn't often get out of bed except to use the facilities and go to doctor's appointments).

She asked me how I could be so stupid as to have such a letter published with my name & location. I was very puzzled by her reaction, as she had tears in her eyes (I had already come out to her by this point, so it's not like she didn't know I was (am) gay). I asked her what the big deal was, and she told me that there are very crazy people in the world and having my name & location published, someone could be hiding in the bushes outside of our house and attack me for being gay, or come by the house & throw rocks at me, or while I'm out and about someone could try to kill me, etc. It was a cause of great consternation for her that I would be harmed by one of these crazy people.

I responded by telling my grandmother that it was she who instilled in me the values to stand up for what I believe in, to exercise my rights as guaranteed to me in the United States Constitution, and not to back down when I know I am fighting a just & worthy cause. My grandmother hugged me, told me that she loved me, and urged that I be cautious and safe. She said she would pray that I not ever fall into harm's way because of who I am, and advised that she would be worrying over me whenever I left the house (a promise she kept, as whenever I left she wouldn't go to sleep until I returned home safe & sound).

A few days later, a public hearing was being held on the proposed Human Rights Law. I was getting ready to leave the house, and my grandmother asked me where I was going. I told her that I was going to speak in support of the law at the public hearing (I had to explain a bit what was going on). She asked me if I could wait 5 minutes, and I said sure.

Less than five minutes later, my grandmother had her purse & winter coat on, and told me that she was coming with me (despite her frail health). There was nothing I could do to change her mind, so I brought her along to the public hearing.

We arrived a bit late, but not too late. We took seats near the front. When the legislators asked if anyone else wished to speak, I began to rise but my grandmother put her arm on me to keep me seated and instead rose herself and approached the podium.

At the podium, my grandmother relayed how she read my letter to the editor in the newspaper, and how scared she was for my safety. She told the legislators that she was a devout Catholic, but that I was her grandson and she loved me no matter who I was or what I did. She implored the legislators to pass the Human Rights Law, so that she could stop worrying about the safety of her grandson, and not have to worry that he would be fired from a job for being who he was, etc.

I had absolutely no idea that Grams was going to do this. Tears filled my eyes (just as they are now as I recount these events). It was then, right there in the public hearing, that I came to know the true meaning of Unconditional Love. I couldn't have been more proud, happy, or loved than I was at that point in time .... until now.

The past decade has been a roller coaster of events that have affected me in various ways. Let's view the events that have affected me over the past decade:

1999

Moved to Phoenix, AZ with a friend; experienced unrequited love.
Moved back to NY after disastrous fallout w/ aforementioned friend.
Came out to my grandparents.
Successfully advocated for passage of Westchester County's Human Rights Law.

2001

Missed being caught up in 9/11 by about two hours (I was working the night shift on 10 September 2001; left work @ 7:30am -- was asked to stay until 9am but was too tired -- got home, went to sleep, woke up shortly after 5pm & the world had changed).

2002

Was in a car accident that I should not have survived.
Was institutionalized for my chronic severe Depression for the first time in my life; tried numerous times to commit suicide but was obviously unsuccessful, mostly due to the fact that I was so doped on on narcotic painkillers (under the supervision of a pain management specialist) I didn't know what I was doing.
Suffered the loss of my grandmother, while in hospital. My father's brother, in his infinite wisdom, convinced the hospital unit's psychiatrist to discharge me rather than release me on a pass to attend her funeral; I attempted to wheel myself into the path of oncoming traffic in order to join my grandmother in the heavens of our universes. Had it not been for my younger brother's diligence, I would have been successful.
My father remarried, after some 30+ years, and told me months after the event.
A close friend whom I had made while institutionalized hung herself in hospital, and I was there when they discovered her hanging from the ceiling of the bathroom and saw her body twitching. At the time, I was wheelchair-bound, and some of the staff attempted to blame me for their negligence by saying that I had helped her (had that been the case, I would have been hanging with her, not present in my chair when they opened the bathroom door and discovered her body).
My mother was first diagnosed with breast cancer.
My grandfather was diagnosed with melanoma, and suffered with pneumonia during the holidays.
Between the physical & mental hospitalizations, I spent almost all of 2002 in hospital.

2002 – 2007

I spent nearly half of my time in this years institutionalized for my chronic severe Depression. Either I was attempting to commit suicide, or in later years, I started feeling the desire to do so and put myself in hospital as a precautionary measure.

Unfortunately during this time, mental health care changed to the point where feeling the need to be in hospital in order to remain safe was not really something that they did anymore. They just medicated you and kicked you out the door. What would happen is that for one reason or another (either I couldn't afford the medications, couldn't get into a treatment program, or couldn't physically travel to obtain treatment/medications), I would go off my anti-depressants and end up with the same ugly suicidal thoughts after a few months, and end up back in hospital.

I am happy to report that since my last hospitalization in 2007, I have been able to remain on my medications and in therapy, have not had bad thoughts to the point where I have felt a need to be hospitalized, and have thus avoided hospitalization.
During this time frame, my mother underwent two or three lumpectomies, each a few years apart.

2004

My sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, who on her 2nd day of life, had a stroke.

2005

I learned that the friend I moved to Phoenix, AZ with in 1999 died in June 2002, the same month as my grandmother's death. The circumstances of his death were sketchy and learned he may have committed suicide. I had been thinking of him and actually wanted to apologize for the way I left things with him in Phoenix in 1999, so I Googled his name to see if I could find him and instead saw the death notice dated from 2002. I was floored, and it sent my Depression into a dovetail, as I was still in love with him but hadn't spoken with him since leaving him.
Coming into this knowledge brought bad thoughts into my head, and was arrested while attempting to purchase illicit narcotics to use in a home-brewed death cocktail.

2006

My grandfather's melanoma spread to other parts of his body.
While in hospital, my father's brother illegally evicted me from my home by bringing all of my clothing in trash bags to hospital, so that he could move in to my grandfather's house. My father's brother, a retired psychiatric nurse, knew better than to bring so much of my clothing to hospital. While I was in hospital he threw away (or sold, who knows!) a great number of my possessions.
Became homeless, due to the aforementioned illegal eviction by my father's brother.
Plead guilty to possession of a controlled substance and was sentenced to three years of probation

2007

My brother's girlfriend gave birth to his daughter
For the first time since it happened, I went back to the town/location where my accident occurred, and as a result I finally started living again after having been "stuck" in time since my accident in 2002.

2008

Finally got into a housing program, after being homeless (couch-hopping among friends) for just over 2.5 years.
Had to move three times in a period of six months, due to issues w/ the housing program & new ownership/management of the building that I was initially placed into with a roommate.
My only sister was diagnosed with Stage 3 Breast Cancer. She underwent a bilateral mastectomy, and then underwent reconstructive surgery
My grandfather died. I wasn't named in the will at all--thanks, again, to my father's brother. It's as if hadn't existed. I was there, thanks to my sister, when he passed away in his home, so I did at least get to say goodbye to him and let him know that I still loved him, despite everything that had happened.

2009

My 5 year-old niece underwent a partial, then a full hemispherectomy.

As this list indicates, there have been many more downs than ups in my life over the course of the past decade. If you've gotten this far, you may be wondering why all of this matters.

Approximately 2.5 years ago, I discovered the true power of the Internet: I began connecting with other people who shared similar experiences. At first, it was done solely through my blog. Then I moved into the realm of the MMORPG (in particular, Daimonin MMORPG, a free, free-to-play, open-source MMORGP). Finally, I discovered social networking.

Through all of these various media, I have connected with people from all over the world. When I say "connected with" I'm talking about real, emotional and social connections. Although I have not met the vast majority of those with whom I communicate, I consider them friends, best friends, even family. They are my lifeline, my support system, my shoulder & ear, as well as my second opinion.

With the support of the network of individuals I have connected with over the past few years via my blog, MMORPGs, LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter, I have encountered individuals with whom I could not possibly have dreamed I would ever encounter in my lifetime, from all walks of life and corners of the world.

I have weathered the low recent points in my life better, because of the connections I have made. I cannot possibly begin to create a list of these individuals; however, if you're reading this, then chances are good that you are one such individual.

And for that, I owe you my life. Truly, without your support, assistance, advice, laughs, and love -- yes, love! -- I could not have gotten through these last few years without you.

And so we come back to unconditional love; it is mostly through Twitter (and Facebook to a lesser extent) that I have once again experienced unconditional love--that feeling first felt when I sat in my seat in the auditorium and listened to my grandmother admonish the legislators for even thinking of voting against the Human Rights Law because it covered sexual orientation, and implored them to protect her beloved grandson.

I feel this same connection, the same kindred spirits now, as I did then.

Through all of you, the love my grandmother has for me lives. And it is through you that I can honour her memory and return the gifts upon which she has so lovingly blessed me.

As such, I resolve to continue doing just what I've been doing in the coming year, decade, and for all eternity: to love all of you as I have been loved by you, to appreciate you as I have been appreciated, and to be there for you as you have been there for me.

Happy New Year!

Celebrating Christmas 2009

2009-12-25T19:21:00.004-05:00

Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.

~John Calvin Coolidge, Jr.,
(4 July 1872 – 5 January 1933)
President of the United States of America

I spend today, Christmas 2009, with my father down in the State of Georgia. He lives near Atlanta. It's quite strange down here; almost nobody decorates (I'd be surprised if but one out of every 25 homes were decorated) and it doesn't feel at all like Christmas. A bit more so in my father's home as I practically forced him to get a Christmas tree. Of course, I had to decorate it. We split the cost for the ornaments & lights, though, and he did pay for the tree. I paid for the stand. It was a fair trade. :)

Anyway, I'm just doing a lot of thinking, which I'll reserve for another post.

In celebrating your holidays, whatever your tradition, religious persuasion and what not, I do ask that you please take some time today to remember our military personnel & those who are less fortunate, as well as those LGBTQ military personnel who are unable to be with their loved ones due to current military policy (Don't Ask, Don't Tell), those LGBTQ military personnel who serve(d) but were discharged under DADT, and those that died serving our country but were not recognized as having a family back home who suffers their loss. (Thank you, Bonnie, for reminding us of our LGBTQ military brethren!)

I just wanted to take a moment and wish all of my friends, relatives, acquaintances, strangers, and enemies the very happiest of Christmases and merriest of holidays! It is my sincerest wish that you all find the peace, harmony, and happiness that each of you seek in your lives.

~~~♥♥♥ Merry Christmas! ¡Feliz Navidad! Joyeaux Noel!
聖誕快樂! Buon Natale! สุขสันต์ วัน คริสต์มาส! ♥♥♥~~~

New York State makes historic statement AGAINST equality

2009-12-03T16:38:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, the New York State legislature made an historic statement against providing equality to its citizens: the New York State Senate voted 38 against, 24 in favor of a bill that would equalize the playing field and legalize same-sex marriages in the state.

Guess what folks? There are only 30 Republican Senators in the New York State Senate (all of whom, unfortunately, voted against the bill). That means that eight (8) Democratic New York State Senators voted against the bill.

What surprised many (but not this jaded) LGBTQ activists was the wide margin by which the marriage equality bill was defeated.

According to the Albany Times-Union blog, this is the official roll call for the vote:

YES: 24
NO: 38

FULL ROLL CALL

Eric Adams (D) — YES “This is about love.”
Joseph Addabbo (D) — NO
James Alesi (R) — NO
Darrel Aubertine (D) — NO
John Bonacic (R) — NO
Neil Breslin (D) — YES
John DeFrancisco (R) — NO
Ruben Diaz (D) — NO “Sen. Smith, it is better to keep your word.”
Martin Malave Dilan (D) — YES
Tom Duane (D) — YES
Pedro Espada (D) — YES
Hugh Farley (R) — NO
John Flanagan (R) — NO
Brian Foley (D) — YES
Charles Fuschillo, Jr. (R) — NO
Martin Golden (R) — NO
Joseph Griffo (R) — NO
Kemp Hannon (R) — NO
Ruth Hassell-Thompson (D) — YES
Shirley Huntley (D) — NO
Craig Johnson (D) — YES
Owen Johnson (R) — NO
Jeffrey Klein (D) — YES
Liz Krueger (D) — YES "My religion teaches me that I must vote yes today."
Carl Kruger (D) — NO
Andrew Lanza (R) — NO
Bill Larkin (R) — NO
Kenneth LaValle (R) — NO
Vincent Leibell (R) — NO
Tom Libous (R) — NO
Elizabeth Little (R) — NO
Carl Marcellino (R) — NO
George Maziarz (R) — NO
Roy McDonald (R) — NO
Hiram Monserrate (D) — NO
Velmanette Montgomery (D) — YES
Thomas Morahan (R) — NO
Michael Nozzolio (R) — NO
George Onorato (D) — NO
Suzi Oppenheimer (D) — YES
Frank Padavan (R) — NO
Kevin Parker (D) — YES
Bill Perkins (D) — YES
Michael Ranzenhofer (R) — NO
Joseph Robach (R) — NO
Stephen Saland (R) — NO
John Sampson (D) — YES
Diane Savino (D) — YES "If there's anybody threatening the sanctity of marriage, it comes from those who have the privilege and the right, and we have abused it for decades." | "We in government don’t determine the quality or worthiness of people’s relationships. If we did, we would not issue three-quarters of the marriage licenses we do." | "We have nothing to fear from love and commitment."
Eric Schneiderman (D) — YES
Jose Serrano (D) — YES
James Seward (R) — NO
Dean Skelos (R) — NO
Malcolm Smith (D) — YES
Daniel Squadron (D) — YES
William Stachowski (D) — NO
Toby Ann Stavisky (D) — YES
Andrea Stewart-Cousins (D) — YES
Antoine Thompson (D) — YES
David Valesky (D) — YES
Dale Volker (R) — NO
George Winner (R) — NO
Catherine Young (R) — NO

Since New York State legislators, almost all of whom are married (and certainly all of whom voted against this measure are married) find it unconscionable to confer marriage equality to all adult couples regardless of gender, (those opposed do so mostly based on their religious beliefs), I find it unconscionable that politicians are allowing religion to dictate a denial of equality under the law to all individuals.

I'm not going to get into the whole legal argument here as I've done that before, more than once.

As such, I propose the following:

Just as these Senators and politicians have been saying all along, the state has no business granting same-sex couples marriages; I would take that a step further:

The state has no business granting marriage licenses, period. If marriage is a religious institution, then the state should not be involved in or use words similar in effect to what is commonly held by the populace to be a religious institution.

The state has no business nor should it have any business conferring benefits or instilling requirements to the millions of couples who wish to coexist together.

The United States federal governmnet, at least count in 2004, has a sum total of one thousand one hundred and thirty eight laws (1138 laws) under the United States Code alone that deal with marital status or wherein martial status is a factor for such law.

That's really a lot of code that's been written solely about a religious institution — something that the state has absolutely no business poking its nose into as the state should not be interfering with religious organizations and the institutions that they instill into our society.

As such, I call upon all of my legislators to introduce legislation into their respective bodies of government putting an end to this state-sponsored religious practice of marrying couples.

If a couple wants to get married, let them do it in their churches, temples, and synagogues, where marriage rightly belongs. If couples want benefits from the state, then the state needs to first figure out, first, if it should even be in the business of conferring benefits on people who choose to coexist together and then—and only then—should it then seek to determine via what non-religious method such benefits, requirements, responsibilities, etc. should be conferred upon such couples.

I hope you will all join with me in calling upon your respective legislatures and requesting that they enact similar legislation.

It is my sincere hope that in the very near future, this will no longer be an issue for anyone in this nation.

And if you think I'm crazy or far-out with this idea, just look at how well it's worked in the United Kingdom. People get married in churches over there, and the state confers certain benefits and responsibilities upon couples via a civil ceremony that is in no way shape or form referred to as a marriage.

So let's get the government out of the business of being a religion, and end the practice of state-sanctioned marriage. If you listen to Senator Diane J. Savino's speech in favor of passage of the marriage equality legislation that the New York State Senate failed to ratify yesterday, perhaps you'll understand why:

What's wrong with the Blackberry a/k/a crackberry

2009-10-05T22:27:00.005-04:00

OK, so I'm the horrified new owner of a Blackberry Curve 8350i PDA, that I got for the new car service (taxi & airport runs) business that I'm going to be operating/owning out of Yonkers (but that's another story). Yes yes yes, I know that I promised myself a long time ago that I wouldn't allow my computer/technology/Internet addiction grow to the crackberry but, alas, the Universe directed me in this regard and I was left with little other choice, given the circumstances and needs of the business and what I needed from a phone.

There are a lot of great reviews, like this one from Engadget. The service we have is through Sprint Nextel. After using the device for a few days, though, I have a few complaints and, quite honestly, I don't understand why more people don't complain about these things. I would imagine that my complaints are valid regardless of which particular crackberry model you're using.

So here are my complaints about the Blackberry (crackberry):

The keyboard is horrendous for a touch-typist to use. I mean, seriously. Is there a bluetooth or some other kind of keyboard that I can use to enter data into this device? I'm absolutely horrified at having to use this thing, and for a few reasons:

As a touch-typist (a darned fast one at that, too -- I average 100 words per minute these days, although I used to be much, much faster when I was working on a fairly regular basis, before the collapse of our economy), I'm used to keys being in a certain location and symbols being on certain keys. Blackberry basically said to hell with this arrangement, and came up with their own layout (especially for the symbols).

You can't lock the alt key, which is used for creating many of the symbols required for daily writing, as well as for entering in the numbers of the overlayed telephone keypad. Thus, in order to enter in phone numbers and the like into a regular message, one must press ALT+number, ALT+number, ALT+number, over and over and over again. This is very, very annoying for entering in long sequences of numbers. There should be a way/mechanism to make the ALT, as well as SHIFT keys, lockable (I've tried holding them down but this doesn't work).

In the "Contacts" application, certain fields that one would expect to be numeric are, by default, alphanumeric. Thus, (especially for ZIP codes), one must do the ALT+number, ALT+number, ALT+number, ALT+number, ALT+number sequence over and over and over again in order to enter the numbers in. I don't know why these fields don't default to numeric input (wherein then one could use the ALT key to get alpha characters to show up).

This leads me to my next complaint. In numeric entry mode, one can't insert alpha characters. Since ALT is used in alphanumeric mode to enter numbers, I don't see why ALT couldn't be used to access the characters of the alphabet in numeric mode. It just makes sense, doesn't it?

Well, those are the major complaints that I have for now. Well, that, and the slow speed of the network over which everything works. I have a WiFi connection enabled in my home, where I've been using my crackberry. I don't think this has sped anything up at all. In fact, I can't tell how or when the device is working over the WiFi connection as opposed to the mobile network. Additionally, when a signal from the mobile network isn't available (which happens quite frequently where I live), it would be nice for the device to work (for all functions, including phone via VOIP) over the WiFi connection, which is fairly consistent....

Since today is #techtuesday, I wanted to point out that Internet petition campaigns can make a difference: on 10 September 2009, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown issued an official, posthumous apology on behalf of the UK Government to artificial intelligence pioneer and World War II hero Alan Turing for Britain's horrific treatment of Mr. Turing after World War II due to his homosexuality.

"We're sorry.
You deserved so much better."

~Honorable Gordon Brown, British Prime Minister
in a posthumous apology to Alan Turing for the way he was treated after his heroic World War II accomplishments, because he was found out to have been gay.

Hewlett Package Tech Support = EPIC FAIL

2009-09-22T12:08:00.001-04:00

If you want a great lesson on how to alienate your customers and destroy brand loyalty that has taken years to build up, take a close look here...

Y'know this is really a very sad story. Hewlett Packard makes some really great products--that's not the sad part. What's sad is that if you ever are unfortunate enough to find yourself in a position of having to deal with their tech support, consider just junking the equipment and buying something else.

Unless, of course, you're dealing with re-installing or upgrading your printer drivers.

I don't know what's going on at HP these days but after the last ten or so contacts I've had with their tech support department, I can unfortunately no longer recommend that people purchase their products. And it's a damned shame, too, because they make some of the best printers out there.

Case in point: I own an OfficeJet Pro L7580 and an OfficeJet Pro L7680. When I went to upgrade the printer driver for the OJP7580, it wound up not working. So I was then left with a printer driver that no longer worked. I went from a fully-functional four-in-one printing device to a 50-pound brick sitting on my desk.

After three calls to HP Tech Support, I just gave up. There went over 25 hours of my life that I will never, ever be able to get back. And for naught! The issue remained unresolved. I lent the printer away to a non-profit organization for them to use as a copy machine (sad that a 4-in-1 would be restricted to the sole function of copying documents). I mean, let's get real here. Why do I have to wipe out and re-install my entire OS just to upgrade or reinstall the printer driver? Why does uninstalling their software/printer driver not function correctly and really muck up your system?

So I bought the OfficeJet Pro L7680, and this time I kind of learned my lesson. At first I tried installing the printer driver onto my system, but that totally didn't work as there were remnants of the printer driver for the L7580. I ended up having to get a new hard drive as my original one was starting to fail, so I did a clean install of the OS and this time, I installed the updated printer drivers the first time around.

But then I ran into another issue, and spent a few more phone calls, and another 25 hours on the phone with, HP Tech Support. The last call I placed to them, where I gave them access of my computer for remote troubleshooting, ended up with me having to use Windows Restore to get my computer to a functioning point again. And I really, REALLY hate having to use Windows Restore. Oh, wanna know what the issue was? I can't print freaking envelopes!

The envelopes are loaded into the printer, everything is set correctly in the software and driver side, but the printer continues to say that no envelope is loaded into the device -- even though it's there plain as day! I mean, I totally love love love my OfficeJet Pro 7680. But now, I'm going to have to wipe out my hard drive, reinstall the operating system, and then install the latest drivers in order to get it working again. As it now stands, the tech left me with a printer that can print (after running Windows Restore) but I can't scan or fax from the computer to the device -- just print! :(

Unfortunately, this technical UNsupport isn't limited just to HP's printers. It affects their computers, and other devices, too.

I had to contact HP Tech Support on behalf of a client who owns an HP Notebook computer. Six hours of my life that I'll never get back later, the issue went unresolved. He ended up selling the notebook and buying a Gateway.

My sister has an HP Desktop computer. Something happened and the system just stopped working. Five hours on the phone with HP Tech Support (where I told them what steps I'd taken, and they had me RE-DO them ... even though I'm an IT Consultant and have done help desk before so I know what the hell I'm doing), we end up sending the system back to HP for repair under warranty. The system comes back, with the same exact problem still being there! I ended up getting an Acer desktop for her to replace the HP system. I'll tinker with the HP System and see if I can get it to work w/ a new hard drive running under Linux but I'm not hopeful....

And these are just SOME of the issues I've had to deal with over the past 18 months; there are other stories I could tell but they get even more complicated and sordid than this.

Even tweeting with people high up on the chain of command at HP has been of little to no use.

Therefore, as much as it pains me to do so (because IMHO HP makes the best printers on the market), I am no longer going to be purchasing HP products or recommending them to any of my friends/clients. And that, my friends, is what's so sad.

QOTD -- Suicide

2009-09-10T14:41:00.004-04:00

“Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”

~Phil Donahue (1935-)
Emmy Award winning American media personality and writer

“Suicide sometimes proceeds from cowardice, but not always; for cowardice sometimes prevents it; since as many live because they are afraid to die, as die because they are afraid to live”

~Charles Caleb Colton (1780-1832)
English sportsman and writer

“The real reason for not committing suicide is because you always know how swell life gets again after the hell is over”

~Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)
Pulitzer & Nobel Prize winning author

“No one ever lacks a good reason for suicide.”

~Cesare Pavese (1908-1950)
Italian Poet, Critic, Novelist and Translator

“To run away from trouble is a form of cowardice and, while it is true that the suicide braves death, he does it not for some noble object but to escape some ill.”

~Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC)
Ancient Greek Philosopher, Scientist and Physician

Today (10 September 2009) is World Suicide Prevention Day. Please read my post about WSPD here. If you're having thoughts of hurting yourself, please reach out to someone -- anyone -- and seek help. Contrary to what you may be feeling, all hope is NOT lost!

World Suicide Prevention Day

2009-09-10T09:29:00.004-04:00

Today, 10 September 2009, is World Suicide Prevention Day.

I am a suicide survivor. My first attempt was made when I was a teenager, because I couldn't come to terms with being gay and being Catholic. I just responded to someone on Facebook who inquired about this. Here's what I wrote:

I was raised in a very conservative, very religious Catholic Democratic household, by my very religious, very conservative Democratic Grandparents. I didn't know that there were gay people growing up. Then I started going on-line, and I met my first gay person, my Unca Uni. He got me to realize that all the fantasies/what not I'd been having were b/c I was gay.

I couldn't reconcile being Catholic with being gay. One night, whilst on the phone w/ a fellow young Republican from Yonkers, I came out to him. I was also taking sleeping pills. But having led an extremely sheltered life, I didn't know that you're supposed to take the whole bottle all at once, not one at a time (which is what I was doing). My family was away on holiday. I fell asleep before taking too many of the pills. Woke up the next day & realized that if I'm gonna survive as a gay boy, the religion thing was gonna have to go.

And so it went. And here I am....

The grandparents never found out about it. Over the years I came to tell my parents, who didn't raise me. I came out to my grandmother in January 1999, before moving to Phoenix, Arizona to live with my best friend at the time, with whom I was also in unrequited love. By the way, don't ever move cross-country to be with someone you're in love with but who loves you only as a good friend; the results are disastrous.

Anyway, ever since that first suicide attempt, I've been confirmed in my identity as a gay man who abhors all of these so-called Christians touting their Bibles and telling me I'm going to hell (in a handbasket). There are Christians (some Catholics included amongst them) who are supportive and don't have an issue with us LGBTQ folk; unfortunately, I fear that they're in the minority.

Religion no longer plays any aspect in my life. I consider myself spiritual, and I'm fine with that. I'm comfortable with my spirituality, which I've discovered after my automobile accident in January 2002.

In the months and years that followed my accident, I've had quite a few suicide attempts, and often think about ending my life. All of the attempts, however, were made while I was under the influence of narcotic pain killers. As such, my plans were a bit off-kilter and--fortunately--weren't successful.

When I came off the narcotic pain killers (it took me about six months for my mental faculties to return in full strength), I realized how stupid I was being. However, the feelings of wanting to end my life remained.

These feelings of hopelessness and suicidal ideation arise mainly from two factors: suffering from chronic pain, and suffering from chronic Depression. These two stressors work hand-in-hand with each other, each feeding off the other in a vicious cycle. The pain makes my Depression worse, which in turn causes the pain levels to elevate. The elevated pain levels worsen the Depression, and around and around we go.

I've previously written about my last suicide attempt that was in either September or October 2005, which resulted in my being arrested for possession of a controlled substance. This goody two shoes boy from Westchester just didn't know how to conduct an illegal transaction. Although the Town of Harrison police were the most ignorant bunch of assholes on this planet that I've ever personally encountered, they did--unwittingly--save my life by arresting and prosecuting me.

Nowadays, instead of acting out on my suicidal thoughts, I seek help. If my thoughts get to a point where I start developing actual plans, I put myself in hospital until they pass -- in order to keep myself safe.

I've gotten pretty good at dealing with them lately. However, I realize that not everyone is as fortunate and self-aware as I am.

When I was 16/17 (back in 1990), there was no such organisation as The Trevor Project (@TrevorProject on Twitter). There were no support groups for gay youth where I lived. Hell, it was still illegal to be gay in more than half of the states in the USA, and it was still technically illegal to be gay in New York (I hadn't learned, at the time, that the New York State Court of Appeals had ruled New York's anti-gay penal statutes unconstitutional some time in the 1980s, if memory serves).

But now, there are many such organisations, and there is hope. There is always hope.

So if you're having thoughts of wanting to hurt yourself, end your life, or otherwise do something that you don't need to do, please reach out and seek help. There are many, many places to go nowadays that just didn't exist when I was a teen.

For suicide resources in the USA go here and for worldwide referrals go here.

(Thanks to Dr. Deborah Serani for the links to resources.)

QOTD - John D. Rockefeller

2009-08-25T18:13:00.002-04:00

“Charity is injurious unless it helps the recipient to become independent of it.”

“If you want to succeed you should strike out on new paths, rather than travel the worn paths of accepted success.”

“Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.”

~ John D. Rockefeller, 1839-1937
(American Industrialist and Philanthropist,
founder of the Standard Oil Company)

(QOTD=Quote Of The Day)

QOTD -- Initating Friendships

2009-08-12T04:43:00.004-04:00

"A smile is the shortest distance between two people."

~Victor Borge 1909-2000
(Danish-born U.S. comedic Musician)

QOTD -- Friends vs Enemies

2009-08-10T21:28:00.003-04:00

I can't believe no one has said this before, so I'll say it now:

"Friends agree to disagree. Enemies just disagree."

~Peter C. Frank (197x-present)
Disabled New York LGBT Political Activist

#TechTuesday on Twitter

2009-08-10T17:17:00.003-04:00

OK, I've been trying to do this for the past few weeks but things just haven't been in my favour. I'm hoping that today, they are. Actually, I started this tag a number of weeks ago in my #followfriday and #samesexsunday recommendation posts but I just never had the chance to explain it until now.

As most of you know, I use Twitter, that wonderful micro-blogging service that where you send status updates in 140 characters (or less) in response to a very basic question: What are you doing?

One of the greatest things about Twitter, and what I find most valuable about it, is the ability to connect with people around the world who you may otherwise never come into contact with. I hold daily conversations with folks from the Netherlands, Australia, Europe, Asia, and the Americas (North and South) that I've met -- solely through Twitter. I've formed great friendships, and met some truly wonderful folk.

The way to interact with people on Twitter is by following them, or by having them follow you. When you follow someone on Twitter, you see all of their status updates in your "tweet stream."

So some time ago, a few folks got the idea that it would be kind of cool to let the folks who are following them know know about some of the really great folks with whom they interact. Most notably, Mashable started the trend of #FollowFriday.

Since then, a number of other "following" trends have been created. In addition to #FollowFriday, there's #SameSexSunday, #Women2Follow, and #MondayMensch, among others. Other days of the week have been taken up with other Twitter trends, such as #MusicMonday and #ThankfulThursday. Here's a blog post that, although a bit outdated, tells us a few of the Twitter Weekday Trends.

So today is Tuesday, and one of the things I've found about Twitter is that there are a great number of geeks, or technology enthusiasts if you will. This got me to thinking, why isn't there a #followfriday type of event for these tech folk?

And here you have it, the beginning of #TechTuesday on Twitter.

#TechTuesday is a #FollowFriday of sorts where users will recommend great Twitter folk to follow who tweet about technology in some fashion. They may be employed in the technology or IT field, may be an advocate of technology, a user who tweets about their experiences, an enthusiast, or just a plain old geek. But in any event, #TechTuesday is all about the Twitter users who are in to Tech.

With that said, here are my #TechTuesday recommendations:

Additions for the #techtuesday of 8 September 2009 (and previous weeks as well):

@rockingjude -- this awesome inspiring @women2follow @mondaymensch @followfriday gay will rock your socks off with how she researches and delves into the truth about things. She loves using technology as a tool for research and will tweet about great ways in which to do so. Be warned, though; she is definitely no-holds-barred in her opinions (she keeps it cordial, mature, and safe for work, though, so no worries about that). And like her Twitter name implies, she totally rocks!
@eCOST -- another Tweep to follow if you're in the market for some great tech bargains.
@DownloadSquad -- need help picking out the best offerings from the myriad shareware & freeware programs that are floating about the Interwebs? Have no fear, DownloadSquad is here to help you with insightful tweets about great programs available for download as either shareware or freeware.

Additions for the #techtuesday of 22 September 2009 (and previous weeks as well):

@BBUENVIAJE -- is just geeky that way. Loves to read about new trends and always wants the latest gadget. Isn't that what being a geek/tech lover is all about?
@ThinkGeek -- tweets about new & cool products for lovers of tech. Responsive. Helpful. Offers insight, tips, tricks, etc.
@gadgetfreaks -- For the love of everything gadget, this is the tweeter to follow. This is mostly a news feed of articles, though, so don't expect any interaction with them. :(
@TheNextWeb -- news feed via Twitter of thenextweb.com -- great tech site but again, no interaction with other Tweeters :(
@engadget -- Another twitter feed account with no interaction of other Tweeters, if you want to keep up with the latest articles/posts to the engadget web site, follow them!
@Techmeme -- if you like to stay abreast of the latest in tech news, this is the twitter feed to follow. But like other twitter feeds (as opposed to twitter accounts/tweeple), don't expect any interaction from them. :(
@Tylertorment -- a true geek who tweets about his geek life. Not sure if you get interaction with him via @ replies but his bio says to DM him and he'll retweet your tech links for you.
@cyberthoughts -- an educator (not sure of what level, though) who loves tech, loves educating people about tech, and how tech is integrated into daily living, exposing just how things in our daily life are affected by technology. True geek, and you will get interaction from this tweeter.
@tomgerace -- Founder & CEO of http://gather.com/ this #samesexsunday bloke tweets about his life, so it's a great way to get a peek into the life of a true Web 2.0 entrepreneur.
@NeweggHotDeals -- For the latest & greatest deals from a great source of tech products in the USA -- http://newegg.com/
@Newegg -- the official Twitter account of http://newegg.com/ providing tips, advice, and customer service for users of their web site, as well as tweets about products that it sells and how to best use them.
@PianoGeek -- a classical-music loving #samesexsunday geek, follow him for great tweets about music, life, love, and technology.
@YouTube -- the official twitter account of YouTube, providing tweets on YouTube news, trends, and -- of course -- videos.
@googlereader -- for news, tips, and tricks for users of Google Reader -- a great web-based RSS feed reader
@stevenjayl -- a senior writer/journalist for Wired magazine, look for tweets about his personal life mixed into tweets about technology, tech news, trivia, tidbits, and other items for the professional geek.
@markoff -- a journalist/writer for the New York Times assigned to cover science, look for items and tidbits that don't make the paper or his column, as well as his editorial/personal opinion about the science news that he tracks
@elatable -- for information regarding current and future Google products, look to this Tweeter's twitstream.
@Pogue -- the official Twitter account of the infamous David Pogue, tech writer for the New York Times and CNBC correspondent on all things tech. Tips, tricks, news, reviews, and more!
@rustybrick -- everybody needs an expert search/SEO geek in their life, and he's certainly top drawer in this area!
@sreenet -- Dean of the Columbia School of Journalism, this self-professed technology evangelist provides insightful commentary into how technology fuses into our life, as well as useful content for tech newbies!
@arstechnica -- the fusion of art and technology. Or in layman's terms, which tech gadgets look the coolest!
@Wired -- Wired magazine's interactive Twitter feed. How cool is that?
@lhawthorn -- a FLOSS (Free Libre Open Source Software) advocate, this Tweeter pushes the FOSS agenda and connects others in the FOSS movement.
@pcworld -- the official Twitter account of the magazine of the same name, look for everything that PC World is online and off, in 140 characters or less.
@slashdot -- news feed for slashdot, or /. -- you know, the news site for geeks!
@GoogleWebmaster -- if you're involved in any way with the creation, maintenance, design, coding, or development of web sites, then you should be following this Twitter account.
@googletalks -- this is pretty cool, from their bio: GoogleTalks hosts innovators, world leaders, authors and more from around the world and broadcasts their talks on our YouTube channel.
@googlemaps -- if you use Google's Maps service, this is a great account to follow. If you're a Google Maps API developer, then you should definitely be following them!
@googleresearch -- to follow the latest projects that Google is working on company-wide
@newscientist -- combining science and technology on a weekly basis.
@NYT_JenPreston -- This interactive #women2follow is the Social-Media Editor of The New York Times, a mother-of-twins, Adjunct for Columbia University New Media, and Author tweets about all of the above and how it weaves into her (and others') life.
@creativesandbox -- another great account for the artist in us, this Google account tweets about all things created digitally (or is that digitally creative?)
@TechPolicy -- pushing the envelope in innovative technology and advocating for the expanded use of technology in all areas of life.
@google -- the official Google Twitter account. Do I really need to say any more?

Finally, this isn't a Twitter account but rather a petition regarding a great tech legend, Alan Turing. You probably are familiar with this name, the test named after him, or the award named in his honour. What you probably don't know about him is that Alan Turing was gay (he'd be a #samesexsunday bloke today) and that the UK government basically shunned him after using his genius during World War II. There is a petition requesting the UK government and HRH Queen Elizabeth II to issue a posthumous apology and award/delcaration to this great man of technology.

Please sign this petition now to give this British World War II Hero the recognition he so rightfully deserves.

Additions for the #techtuesday of 10 August 2009:

@FaithfulChosen -- Everybody needs one of those nerds who refuses to go with the flow in their life. This particular #samesexsunday #followfriday nerd is one who not only refuses to go with the flow but in doing so creates a flow of her own.
@CyberEddieGr -- This Greecian (is that what you call folks from Greece?) provides awesome links on spectacular deals, tidbits of tech news, and just interesting info all around. A great #followfriday individual.
@AreYouAdam -- Every geek/tech enthusiast needs to have a great gadget freak on their speed-dial, and this #samesexsunday bloke from down under fits the bill quite nicely. Just don't give him one of those laser-pointer thingies, please?
@Geekix -- probably a bot yes, I know, but this one retweets all that is chic in geekdom.
@USbargains -- Tired and frustrated of searching for the best deals on- and off-line? Then start following this tweeter, and spend more time on things that truly matter, like starting a flamewar on which Star Trek series is best!
@Rufuscoolkitty -- I don't think a geek is complete without a pet, and this kitty is just plain-out cool. OK but seriously, a Mac expert, politico, IT manager, #samesexsunday originator of awesome tweets to fill your heart with glee (and other types of fairy-dust goodness), this tweeter is more tech than geek.
@StanNYC -- he's a software developer. Developer of what, he doesn't say. But his tweets are interesting (especially those of his pets). Another #samesexsunday fellow and just great all-around guy.
@Krewell -- a self-professed "long-time geek", Krewell works for NVIDIA (you know, the maker of that awesome graphics chip who provides so-so drivers for Linux), his tweets are 90% geek (OK, I've got to stop rhyming!) and 10% panache. If you have a question about wine and don't want to bother @GaryVee, then try this tweet with a few hundred thousand less followers. ;)

Additions for the #techtuesday of 4 August 2009:

@Twithug -- what a great way for we geeks to spread a little love on-line. A total #MonayMensch and #FollowFriday account, just send @Twithug an @reply with the name (or names) or twitterers that you'd like to send some lovin' to and just watch what happens!
@KeithDriscoll -- this local (to me at least) Twerson will answer just about any tech questions thrown his way, even if the answer is "I don't know the answer to that, but I'll do my best to find out and get back to you!" I mean, how refreshing is that, to have someone in IT--instead of pretending to know the answer to something they don't and mess things up for you even more--provide honest, workable answers? A total #followfriday #mondaymensch.
@InfoWorld -- what can I say other than they're one of the better IT publications out there for true IT folks. If you're in the world of IT, then you probably already know about them but perhaps not their Twitter account!
@SuzeOrmanShow -- what IT person couldn't do with a bit of no-nonsense financial advice from one who truly knows what she's talking about? Reign in that "I've gotta spend my entire paycheck on the new gizmodo gadget that's coming out tomorrow instead of waiting a few weeks for it to go on sale and save myself a few thousand bucks..." attitude with help from this #samesexsunday financial guru and get your finances in order!
@MentalFloss -- as their bio line says, it's "Where knowledge junkies get their fix." What geek would be complete without their daily dose of inane trivia?
@Twitter -- I can't believe that I missed this account in my initial posting but here it is now. If you want to know what's going on with Twitter, follow them!
@Consumerist, @CReporter, @ConsumerReports -- not all tech not all the time but this trio of consumer-centric tweeple write about tech from the non-geek, consumer point of view (POV).
@Krutal -- he's just a fountain of knowledge; a true geek. Provides links to some great geek/IT resources.
@eBayDailyDeal -- Four items per day, eBay tweets about their latest "Daily Deals" -- four items that are priced at super-low, bargain-basement prices. Usually at least one tech item per day, what true geek doesn't love a great deal?
@DunkinDonuts -- Follow them for announcements from the creators of the fuel that geeks and IT staff run on.
@0penSource -- for all tweets that are all about FOSS (Free, Open-Source Software), this is the place to be.
@chrispirillo -- a true über-Geek who's been making things happen online since 1992, Chris is one of those friendly tech experts that CNN calls upon when they need things explained to them.
@FLOSStoday -- this #mondaymensch helps promote FOSS open-source in schools and the workplace. He tweets about great FOSS alternatives to proprietary software and also gives great URLs, links, and other resources on using FOSS alternatives to replace expensive, proprietary software.
@SoftwareIsFree -- updated daily, they give away a different piece of software every day.
@GiveAwayotDay -- this great web site gives away software. Sometimes it's free software, sometimes it's shareware, and sometimes it's expensiveware. But whatever the software, the website--which is updated on a daily basis, lets visitors download and install their Giveaway of the Day (provided you install it before their 12am Pacific Time deadline). How cool is that?
@Singa and @Truskowski -- these two tweeple tweet about IT from a gay perspective, such as how to match your iPhone cover with your socks. But seriously, these great #samesexsunday tweeple are true nerds/geeks whose love of tech rivals their other loves...
@Naehutch -- if you want your tech from a more feminine point of view, then follow this great geek and fellow bookworm from down under!

Here's the list I started with, on 21 July 2009:

@LanceUlanoff -- the Editor-in-Chief of PC Magazine is a great tech enthusiast who's into robots. If you tweet him, he'll usually respond to you, despite being swamped with the responsibilities of his job.
@PhoneScooper -- this is your go-to source for anything and everything having to do with phones and mobile products.
@MarcThom -- this great #samesexsunday bloke from down under tweets about his experiences, both the good and the bad, with all of his wonderful tech gadgets.
@MathieuB -- this #mondaymensch tweets about building computers, finding great deals on components, and reviews all the different parts that make up a computer to find the best ones, for the best value, out there. Give him a @tweet and he'll @reply back to ya!
@MattSkal -- this #samesexsunday wonder seems to know just about everything there is to know about social networking and working the social networking to market one's self or one's products without being intrusive about it, and in a manner that does NOT turn people off.
@cligs -- every Tweeter needs a URL Shortening Service and this is my pick, and the one I use most often. Providing great analytics, http://cli.gs/ tells you where in the world people are when they're clicking on your short URL links.
@BBCClick -- Click is a top-rated news programme from the British Broadcasting Corporation that focuses on technology.
@tedoe -- This #women2follow is an awesome web designer who creates eye-popping, visually-appealing, completely usable web sites.
@TweetOpenSource -- One of my favourite sources for all that is FOSS (Free, open-source software) and open-source tweets in general. Both the good, the bad, and the ugly.
@TigerDirectcom -- one of my two favourite sources for purchasing tech products, TigerDirect.com tweets about special deals and savings. My other favourite, Newegg.com, unfortunately, doesn't use Twitter or see the value of social networking. :(
@SayItWithEcards -- I've known about this #mondaymensch #women2follow for quite some time. She's an older gal who's tackling technology at an alarming pace, and succeeding in doing so, showing that the older generation CAN "get" technology and use it to better their lives.
@MMOhub -- what technology enthusiast isn't a fan of, or player of, MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games)?
@Mashable -- How could I have forgotten the ultimate expert on all that is social networking? Follow @Mashable to become more fluent, knowledgeable, up2date on all the latest, and just in general a better social networker.
@RyanBrack -- this #samesexsunday #mondaymensch tech enthusiast is using social media and networking to better enable our educational system (in particular, that of New York City's public schools) to deal with modern-day living.
@GeekJames -- this #samesexsunday IT pro opened a bakery and uses social media to market its delicious specials. If you have an IT question, he's a good bloke to ask in hopes of receiving an answer that's useful. :)
@MariSmith -- This #women2follow explains social media sites like Twitter and Facebook in easy-to-understand language for those of you who aren't quite that tech-savvy. A total #followfriday #women2follow with a great heart who just loves life, technology, and all that is great and wonderful in the world.
@Scobleizer -- he started out as a blogger but has come into being a full enthusiast of all things tech. Isn't it great how the Internet can make a geek out of you? ;-)

I'll be adding to this list as I remember and discover other great #techtuesday tweeters. And I'll update this list just about every Tuesday with more recommendations of great new Tweeters to follow for your tech needs. Until then, check out my #followfriday and #samesexsunday recommendations, too!

Update 6 on Jennal

2009-08-07T05:36:00.004-04:00

This is the 6th update to my blog about my niece, Jennal, and what she's been going through. Here's a link back to the 5th update on her condition. If you haven't been following this story, please read the original blog post.

What a whirlwind these last few days have been. Jennal's fever really began to spike so I spent quite a bit of time down at hospital. She's doing better now, insofar as the fever is concerned. It still can run up to 101.something quite easily, however. I wish her body were adjusting to this procedure better but I guess it's just a matter of time. It is cause for concern, however, so that's something that will have to be monitored constantly.

Jennal really is not doing well in the setting of a hospital. She totally does not want to be bothered about anything, by anyone. She won't let doctors, nurses, and other hospital staff approach her or do anything to her. Right now, the only people who are able to do anything for her are her family.

As such, Jennal's parents are trying to arrange to bring her home for her recovery, instead of completing it in hospital. The expense will be considerably more but we all believe that it is in Jennal's best interest, both medically and psychologically.

At home, Jennal will have (if the insurance expenditure is approved) her former physical therapist, with whom she has a good rapport, her home nurse, her family, familiar surroundings, and fewer interruptions by people whom she doesn't know, doesn't trust, and believes will cause her more pain.

Physically, Jennal isn't ready to come home. We've been putting her in a wheelchair to get her sitting up, trying to strengthen her for the 45-to-60 minute drive home (depending on traffic) from hospital. If she can't tolerate in a chair, sitting up, for at least sixty minutes, then her parents will not be able to bring her home.

It's extremely painful for me to watch (and sometimes participate) in this -- pushing Jennal beyond what she wants (or, perhaps, is ready) to do. Moving her, especially lifting her and placing her into the chair, causes her such pain that she almost shrieks. It's something that must be done; however, I wish there were ways to further reduce her pain levels when this occurs. Even just wheeling her around the pediatric unit, as I've done a few times, is most difficult.

First, she doesn't want to leave the room and the comfort of her parents. Second, once they persuade her to leave with me, when we approach the doors of the unit she gets extremely upset, repeating over and over "I want to go back, I want to go back to my room NOW" and "No I don't want to go there again."

To see my niece in such a condition truly is heartbreaking for me. I'm so used to seeing her in such a better state. I can only imagine what her parents are going through; however, I know that they're doing everything in their power to help her heal -- both physically and emotionally -- from this experience. And it seems to be working.

As can be seen from this photograph of Jennal's head (click on the photo to see a larger image of it, in full-scale), they really weren't kidding when they spoke of removing 1/2 of her brain (an entire hemisphere).

Other positive signs are that she is starting to eat a bit more (the IV lines have all been removed and feeding via IV has stopped), and she's drinking more as well. It's nearly impossible for her to chew at the moment so most of the food she can consume is very soft -- pasta, mac & cheese, rice and other soups (an Asian dish), etc.

This is what my sister posted to her Facebook account. I haven't heard from her w/in the past 24 hours so I don't know whether or not Jennal has, in fact, been brought home or if she's still in hospital. I'll have to find out today, to determine where my journeys will bring me:

Aiming to bring my baby girl home today, shes not ready physically, not even sitting up yet on her own, but shes too terrified there. She wont recover, wont let a Dr, nurse or PT near her. I pray these fevers subside soon and she improves physically and emotionally with all of our love, care and support. You all played a role in helping her get this far with your prayers, thank you and may your kindness be returned. 22 hours ago

I, too, hope that Jennal will be home soon, where--hopefully--she can recover much quicker than she has been doing in hospital. While NYU Hospital, Langone Medical Center, might have some of the best surgeons in the world, especially for this type of procedure, the nursing and other staff leave much to be desired, especially as compared with the local hospitals in Westchester County, New York and Greenwich, Connecticut (specifically, Westchester Medical Center and Greenwich Hospital).

Out of the past 24 hours, I've spent at least 18 of those sleeping -- catching up on much-needed rest. This entire ordeal has been exhaustive for me, and I can only imagine what my sister and her fiancé have been going through and how tired they must be. Instead of them both being there 24/7, they've taken to taking turns at Jennal's bedside. If Jennal is returned to her loving, nurturing home, then both of Jennal's parents (and other family) can be by her side to aide in her recovery.

[UPDATED: 7 August 2009 12:00pm] Jennal has returned home very late last night (Thursday night). Her fever still remains but she is in much better spirits. She has laughed and is eating much better. Hopefully her road to recovery will now be much quicker and less painful on my wonderful, loving niece!

Update 5 on Jennal

2009-08-03T20:54:00.005-04:00

This is the 5th update to my blog about my niece, Jennal, and what she's been going through. Here's a link back to the 4th update on her condition. If you haven't been following this story, please read the original blog post.

So Jennal was moved from ICU to a regular pediatrics hospital bed. The staff there is not nearly as responsive as the staff in ICU but they have a much heavier caseload. As such, while it's not an excuse for the nurse to call on the Intercom ten minutes after pressing the call button, it is understandable as the nursing staff has an entire ward to tend to, instead of just one room (in ICU, it's one nurse per room/four patients maximum; it's probably about quadruple the patient load in the regular rooms).

They started -- or should I say attempted to start -- physical therapy (PT) with my niece over the weekend but Jennal just was not having it. Putting her in a wheelchair was just about all they could coax her into doing and even that took every trick in the bag to accomplish. Jennal still is very drowsy/groggy but she no longer is on narcotic painkillers so she's more alert and, unfortunately, much more in pain. "Don't even think about touching me," is the aura/look she gives off when you approach her now.

Even in the above photograph, which was taken over the weekend while she was in a deep sleep, you could tell that she was not in a good mood. She's talking but I think she's confused about what she's saying or she doesn't quite know what she's saying. For instance, when I came to her bedside and said hello she told me to go away but then she reached out and grabbed my hand. I told her I was leaving and she gripped my hand and wouldn't let go, even though I asked her if she wanted me to stay and she said, "no." So at this point I'm taking her actions as speaking louder than her words, as I'm pretty certain that her refusing to let go of my hand was an indication of her true wishes.

In any event, today, they did manage to get her into the wheelchair a bit easier and Jennal sat up in bed by herself. So she is showing signs of continued improvement. Her attitude hasn't changed, however, and she remains impossible to deal with and basically xenophobic. If you were to cut out half of my brain, however, I'm not so certain that I'd feel much differently than she now feels.

In other news, the neurosurgeon came in to visit and spoke with us for a bit. He stated that Jennal is way ahead of the curve in terms of recovery; most of his patients didn't even begin to speak/babble until 4-7 days after the surgery, whereas Jennal spoke as soon as they removed the tracheal intubator. She's also showing motor skill movement, even if it's not as controlled as it used to be, and that hasn't occurred in his other patients until after speech has returned in them. So we're all taking this as a good sign and we're all hoping that Jennal will be able to return home soon, which will be less traumatic for her, under the care of a visiting nurse or something like that.

On a personal note, I returned to my apartment for the third day in a row without hot water and I don't think I can go out tomorrow or later tonight to return to hospital without showing for a fourth day. I called my landlord, Alan Suridis, and left him an unpleasant e-mail--basically letting him know that I have a family crisis and don't have time/energy/strength to have to fight him for hot water that should be continuously supplied and not interrupted once per week for a few days as it's been over the course of the last month.

I'll update again soon, when I have more information and photos.

Be sure to read Update #6 for more information about Jennal and her current condition, as well as what she's been going through.

Update 4 on Jennal

2009-07-31T19:01:00.004-04:00

This is the 4th update to my blog about my niece, Jennal, and what she's been going through. Here's a link back to the 3rd update on her condition. If you haven't been following this story, please read the original blog post.

As I mentioned in my 3rd update on her condition, the second procedure that was performed on Jennal, which was the full hemispherectomy, was performed without incident. When I returned Thursday evening, my sister had left for her OB/GYN appointment. Thankfully, the twins are doing OK; they're moving around and everything her doctor told her seemed to be good, so far.

So getting back to Jennal, her father was with her. She woke up when she heard me speaking with him. She was extremely grouchy and yelled at us for waking her up, so we had to whisper but even then, she could tell that we were talking about her.

Jennal was in and out throughout most of the night. She did manage to fall into a deep sleep a few times (we could tell when from her vitals -- how frequently and how deep her breaths were, and her heartrate, etc). I was sitting by her bed side and, throughout most of the night, she was holding onto my hand. She did not want me standing beside the bed -- she didn't want anyone standing next to the bed, in fact.

Whenever the nurse would come to change an IV bag or do something, she would wake up and say, "Excuse me I don't want that." It didn't matter what that "that" was -- Jennal was done having things done to her. It was both adorable and heartbreaking all at the same time.

Jennal told me that she wanted me to take her home. I asked if she wanted to come to my house and she said no. She wanted to go to her house, but she wanted me to take her there and go with her.

As for her vitals, they're almost normal for a child of her age. The only thing that really is worrisome is the temperature. At one point during the night it came back down to normal but then in the morning it was up again, over 101. Additionally, after viewing the monitor for such an extended period of time, I came to see that Jennal's heart is not beating regularly. She has an irregular heart beat, which the doctors knew about. It's like she'll have three regular beats and then it'll skip for one or two beats, then she has three short but quick beats, then it'll go back to regular for a few beats, and then the cycle repeats. I'm very concerned over this, as I'd never had the time to study it on the monitor before.

There were times last night that I tried to leave Jennal's side but she just gripped my hand when I tried to pull away -- she didn't say anything but her intent was clear; she didn't want me going anywhere. When I finally had to leave this morning to get some rest, after the doctors had done some poking and prodding, I heard her say, "Don't leave Uncle Peter." Although it broke my heart, I did have to leave; otherwise, I would be of no use to her and my sister tonight. My sister will be here tonight alone, with me, just as last night it was Jennal's father who was there alone, with me. My being there enabled him to get some rest, just as my being there tonight will enable my sister to get some rest. And that's why I've been there this entire time, to enable both of them to get some rest.

I'm a nocturnal creature; my sister knows this. So the secondary or tertiary reason for my being here (primary being to be there for my niece, secondary to be there for my sister) is to give my sister and her fiancé a break so that they can get some rest, as they know I'll watch over Jennal with at least as much--or more--vigilance than they would.

The first two years of her life, Jennal and I lived together. As such, we formed a special bond. Jennal first will turn to my sister--her mother. If she's unavailable and it's a choice between her father and me, for some reason Jennal turns to me. I don't know how she knows it but I think she knows that I'm closer to her mother by relation than her father. Maybe it's that Jennal and I look so much alike -- you would not be able to tell our baby pictures apart.

We're waiting on the results of the sedated MRI that Jennal had to undergo this morning. I guess those will come in tomorrow or on Monday. So now I'm going to grab something to eat and head back to hospital to watch over a very cranky Jennal.

Oh, one thing I wanted to mention is that Jennal doesn't want anyone going near her or standing over her--it's as if she's scared that they're going to do something to her, perform another procedure, or move her (which causes her pain), or something. She also picks up on any medical words and if you mention anything medical around her, she'll say, "Excuse me but I don't want [that]." (and actually if she has trouble pronouncing "that" then she'll actually just say, "that."

It's really quite adorable, humorous, and at the same time it's so heartbreaking because I can feel my niece's pain, frustration, and anxiety. She wants to go home and have people stop doing things to her, but things must be done to her (medically) in order to ensure that she recovers properly and in the best possible way.

They're talking about stepping her down from ICU to a high-level care bed in order to start physical therapy with her, as she's literally just been lying in bed since Monday without moving. She is not going to like that at all -- people trying to get her to move around and what not. As it stands now, if you ask her to do something she'll tell you that she doesn't want to do it, no matter what it is (unless it's go home). Eat, drink, sit up, move her arm, move her leg, take her temperature, open her eyes, close her eyes, wiggle her toes, laugh, watch TV, play with Barney (one of her favourite television characters) -- she doesn't want to do any of those things.

I can only imagine the level of pain that she's in now. When she's feeling a bit better, I'm going to have to let her feel the ridge on my head, from where my head was cracked open when I had my automobile accident. I'll show her this and let her feel it, and tell her that I have a head boo-boo, too, and I got all better. Maybe if she sees that I got better from my head boo-boo, it will make her feel less anxious and more hopeful that things will be OK for her. We can only hope, right?

Finally, I just wanted to say that I would not have been able to do this, to be here for my niece and my sister/brother-in-law, without all of the wonderful support that I have received from all of you on Twitter and Facebook. Every time I'm about to give in to my Depression, somebody sends me a tweet, or comments on my Facebook status, and that short message gives me the strength and energy to continue plodding along. I can tell you that my sister and brother-in-law feel the same way from the messages that are left on their Facebook profiles.

So please continue directing your healing thoughts, good energies, and prayers for Jennal. And thank you all so much for your tweets of support. I can't get through this without you! I'll try to get some new pictures of Jennal for you all to see as soon as my sister can sneak them...

See Update #5 for more information about Jennal's progress in her ordeal to combat her Epilepsy.

Update 3 on Jennal

2009-07-30T20:08:00.004-04:00

This is the 3rd update to my blog about my niece, Jennal, and what she's been going through. Here's a link back to the 2nd update on her condition. If you haven't been following this story, please read the original blog post.

My sister, her fiancé (Jennal's father), and I were there all morning right up to the point where she was taken into surgery. She was sleeping on and off. Jennal wanted her mother right next to her and me by her side. Her father came over but she actually pushed him away. She was extremely grouchy and cranky, as she knew what was coming. She kept begging us to take her home, and not let her go back. She kept saying that she didn't want another trip. Whenever the nurses would come over and and say something medical, she would use that word -- no matter what it was -- and say that she didn't want it, repeating it over and over.

For example, one of the nurses said that they needed to take an oxygen tank with the bed when they transported her, so Jennal started crying, "I don't want the oxygen tank" over and over and over. It truly was heartbreaking to be there with her. Her mother and I continued to comfort her, telling her that everything was going to be OK but at time the nurses' continued conversation about things in front of Jennal made it difficult. One of the nurses didn't think that Jennal knew what was going on but--trust me--she was fully aware that she was going in for another surgery, and Jennal was experiencing a great deal of anxiety over that, as she feared much more pain, etc.

Jennal wanted my sister in the bed with her, and my sister did her best to comply. Jennal didn't want me to touch her but she did want me by her side; she didn't want to see her father, and that really surprised me. She was extremely cranky and feared what was coming. She really did not want to be taken anywhere except home, which is what she kept repeating. When they took her away to go down to surgery, they took her in her bed, with her mother by her side. I stayed in the room, watching her leave, crying that she didn't want to go on the trip.

I truly wish there was a way to control Jennal's seizure without resorting to this horrific procedure. The surgeon came up before hand to speak with Jennal's parents, and asked if we had any questions. My sister had already done the drilling, long before they started these procedures this week, back when they had talked about the possibility of doing it. (They had discussed the possibility of this procedure back in the spring, but actually only decided to perform it last week.) I asked approximately how long it would take and if they foresaw any complications, and was advised that it was an approximately four-hour-long procedure and that they foresaw no complications.

Around 3:00pm EDT, the surgeon came out and informed us that the procedure was complete and that there were no complications. He said that everything went smoothly and according to plan. Shortly thereafter, Jennal was wheeled in her bed back to the pediatric ICU room, which now had three other patients in it. She was still under the effects of the anesthesia, but she was mumbling something about turning off the light and not being able to open her eyes. She looked extremely swollen--much more so than from the previous surgery. I guess having two brain surgeries in the span of four days will do that to you.

At that point, because I hadn't slept since -- Wednesday morning some time (my usual sleeping pattern is to be up at night and awake during the daytime, so I fall asleep around 6-8am or so), I returned to the hotel room that the hospital was providing (my sister was paying for a small portion of the hotel room fee, and the hotel is located just a few blocks from the hospital) and went to sleep. I knew that Jennal would mostly be sleeping for quite some time, and she didn't acknowledge either my presence or her mother's presence, so I felt it was OK to leave her for a while and get some much-needed rest.

My sister had an OB/GYN appointment this evening, which she had to keep, as close monitoring of her pregnancy (she recently found out that she's in her 2nd trimester and pregnant with twins of all things). I've been in contact with her father via SMS and he said that she's still out of it, under the effects of the anesthesia. When my sister returns from her OB/GYN appointment, I'll return to the hospital with her and stay with her, as her father has a prior engagement that he is obliged to keep and cannot get out of. Since Jennal was pushing her father away (which was heartbreaking for me to see--as I'm sure it was for my sister and him as well), I think she'll be OK with just my sister and me there.

As for Jennal's vitals, her heart rate was still a bit elevated but not nearly as much as it was when she came out of surgery the first time; we'll see how it is later this evening, when the anesthesia wears off a bit more. The blood pressure monitor via the IV was high, but the blood pressure monitor via the cuff was normal. The doctors said that they trusted what the cuff blood pressure was more so than the IV monitor, as that tended to be unreliable.

So all in all, Jennal seemed OK, except for that fact that she was very pissed off at the fact of having to undergo a second procedure. At least now, for the time being, she won't have to undergo any more procedures like this, or any surgeries in the near future. I do know that she will have to undergo surgery for her legs to correct the bone growth (because of her stroke, her muscles aren't pulling on the bones in her legs with enough strength so the bones in her right leg aren't growing properly). But that's something for the future, and not nearly as life-threatening as what she's going through now.

I'll keep everyone updated via the blog and my Tweets on Twitter. If you're not already doing so, I do tweet about Jennal's status and what's going on via my Twitter account. You can read about that at http://twitter.com/NiteStar

Jennal, her parents, and I (along with the rest of our family) have received so much support via friends who are commenting on-line, and we would just like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for your previous, present, and continued prayers, thoughts, and healing energies. I don't think we could have gotten through this without all of the support that has been given, and the comments and tweets made via Facebook and Twitter. Please keep up the healing thoughts & energies, and your prayers. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

See Update #4 for more information on Jennal's condition.

Update 2 on Jennal

2009-07-29T17:06:00.008-04:00

See Update #1 for previous information as to Jennal's condition and also read the original post about why Jennal is undergoing this rare surgery (approximately one-hundred hemispherectomies are performed world-wide each year).

OK, so the fever has come down to a normal level now. Jennal's heart rate is still elevated, however; when she's sleeping it's around 120-130 and when awake it's around 140-150. That's about double to 2.5 times what it should be, but it's better than triple and quadruple, which is what it had been running.

So far, she hasn't had any more seizures. The seizure-like activity that I had reported in Update 1 were firings from her brain that caused the muscle contractions throughout her body. I had stated that this was the beginning of her seizure, and that's not entirely accurate. This physical reaction (her muscles jumping all throughout her body) is in response to firings from the neurons in her brain, in response to the first surgery. If she hadn't woken up and the firings continued, it could have led to Jennal having a seizure. So while it wasn't the beginning of a seizure, it is something that's cause for alarm because it can lead to a seizure.

Apparently, Jennal has been having these reactions both while she sleeping and while she's awake. As such, the doctors have scheduled the complete hemispherectomy (removal of the entire left hemisphere of her brain) for tomorrow (Thursday) morning.

To make matters worse, my sister has an OB/GYN appointment tomorrow morning (my sister just discovered that she's pregnant with twins and already is in her second trimester) and Jennal's father has a prior obligation Friday morning. As such, my sister is freaking out about not being able to be there in the 24-48 hours after this second surgery, which is the most important time period.

Additionally, this also means that there will be a third surgery, to remove the electrodes from her brain that are being used to monitor her brain activity.

Here's a picture of my niece before she went into surgery on Monday:

And here's a photo of her after surgery. You can even see the look of anger and pain on her face, even though she's sleeping. I commented to my family and friends that she looked "mightily pissed off" while she slept:

The tube and bottle you see by the side of her head is for drainage of fluids from her brain, which is important. As can be seen, her entire head was wrapped in gauze. When she indicated to me on Tuesday morning that she was in pain, she used her left arm to point to near her hear, near where the drainage bottle is located.

She actually doesn't look as angry and/or in pain in this photograph as she had most of the time I spent with her.

When I'm not in the ICU with my niece and sister, I'm somewhere nearby -- either in the waiting room or in the hotel room that my sister has. I can't leave the region given the circumstances, until my niece makes it out of ICU. As previously stated, she is more at ease when she sees me there, as evidenced by her reduced heart rate and blood pressure, and her ability to actually fall into a deep sleep.

See Update #3 for more information on Jennal's condition.

Update 1 on Jennal

2009-07-28T06:23:00.010-04:00

This is the first update on my niece, Jennal. It is being made after her partial hemispherectomy, which I described in this blog post.

I just came back from the hospital. I got there around 4am, after having drinks with a friend I haven't seen in over a year. It was really good to see her -- took my mind off things for a while. I actually had two amaretto sours, and I almost never have two drinks in a night. But I think I needed it tonight, plus we were eating so it wasn't all that bad.

Anyway, I got back to the hospital around 4:30am and broke all the rules. Scooted past security (just look like you know where you're going and no one pays you any mind). Went up and got myself into pediatric ICU. Jennal's father was sleeping in a chair next to her bed; I didn't see my sister anywhere so I had assumed she went back to the hotel to sleep. Jennal was WIDE awake. I bent down next to her and asked if she was OK. She told me no. I asked what was wrong, she said she hurt. I asked her where and she pointed to her head, which is wrapped completely in gauze. I immediately got the call button and pushed it for the nurse, who came within seconds.

I told the nurse that my niece was in a lot of pain (I had asked her if the pain was a little or a lot), and that her heart rate was elevated. When I came in her heart rate was around 145, which is lower than what it had been when I had last seen her. The nurse responded with "well it was lower when she was sleeping" -- I just glared at her, so she said she would get something for the pain.

Initially, the nurse tried to push it through an IV line in her arm but Jennal shrieked in pain. I asked if it couldn't be added to the IV as a drip or something, and the nurse finally was able to administer some pain medication.

I sat there talking with her. I was told (once) that only one person was allowed to stay, and Jennal's father was already there. I told her I was getting ready to leave and she asked where I was going and why I was leaving -- which was a good sign (in my eyes) as it was evidence of my "old" niece. When I told her I had to leave she said she didn't want me to go so I stayed, again, breaking the rules. When I told her I would stay, she seemed to calm down a little bit -- her heart rate slowed to about 130 and her breathing became more regular.

Jennal's dad had awakened when I came in, and told me that she he had only just then gone to sleep because Jennal refused to go to sleep. This was in evidence, of course, because I could see from the hallway that she was wide awake, even before I had entered the room. In any event, I stayed for about an hour or two. She finally started drifting off to sleep.

However, when she would seem to drift off, she would start to seize (I noticed her body start to jump violently) but then she would wake up. At one point she told me to stop shaking her awake and to let her sleep -- but I wasn't. It was her going into a seizure that had awoken her, and it stopped when she woke up (or at least it appeared to stop when she woke up). Whenever she would wake up, she would check to see if her father and I were still there, then close her eyes again and start to drift off, only to repeat the cycle in a few minutes, over and over.

When it seemed that she was finally asleep, I took my leave but, before doing so, I told Jennal's nurse what was going on. She just said "OK" and went back to writing reports in her book. While I appreciate that I was allowed to stay and sit by her side, I definitely think that the day staff was much friendlier and more compassionate than the night staff.

[EDIT--6:50am] One thing that I asked the nurse about that puzzled me; they have the monitoring equipment -- electrodes attached directly to her brain and hooked up to a monitor -- to determine if she is having a seizure; however, as was evidenced by my observation of my niece's drifting off to sleep only to be awakend by her starting to seize, no one is monitoring the monitor. I asked the nurse about this and was told that only the specialist can read the signals and interpret them. I asked if there was some sort of alarm to indicate if and when Jennal was starting to seize, and was told that there was not. For someone who is in the hospital for a seizure disorder, this makes absolutely zero sense to me. [End of EDIT]

Rules be damned, there is one thing that I know for a fact: my being there makes my niece feel more comfortable and less afraid. I also helped her be in less pain. So I know that she needs me there. Maybe not 24/7 but as much as possible. And, to the best of my ability, I will be there for her. Everything else in my life can wait; there's nothing more pressing right now than the needs of a scared, sick five-year old girl who happens to be my niece, and that is the priority in my life.

I'm going to take my meds (I think I forgot to take them earlier) and go to sleep. I'll wake up when my mother's anxiety is too much for her to bear staying in the hotel room and she wants to leave -- regardless of the time. I estimate that to be around 9am, which is approximately 2.5 hours from now. Joy!

Will update later. Now that I know I can get online at the hotel, I won't be quite as worried or go through as much withdrawal from being disconnected while in the ICU.

Also, my sister snuck a picture from her phone so when I get that I'll put it up for all of you to see.

Until then, your continued energies, thoughts, and prayers are most appreciated. Please keep them up for this five-year old soldier!

See Update #2 for more information on Jennal's condition.

Healing Thoughts & Energies Requested

2009-07-27T04:00:00.004-04:00

In a few short hours, my niece, Jennal Leann Intira Brooks, will begin procedures to undergo a partial Hemispherectomy. As can be seen from the definition,

Hemispherectomy is a surgical treatment for epilepsy in which one of the two cerebral hemispheres, which together make up the majority of the brain, is removed.

Jennal was stricken with TBI when, at only a very short two days old, she suffered from a stroke. Jennal was soon thereafter diagnosed with having Epilepsy, severe astigmatism, and impaired motor, intellectual, speech, and other bodily functions as a result from the stroke & TBI.

On 29 May 2009 (two months ago), Jennal turned five years old. It's a miracle that she's still alive. Whenever she sees me, her eyes light up, and my insides turn outward and it takes all of the strength and energy I have stored up to not fall apart like a bawling baby in front of her. She is filled with such joy and love, which is a testament to how my sister and her boyfriend are raising her.

A few years ago, Jennal was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy. A few months ago, they've discovered irregularities in her heart beat. All of this has been caused by Jennal's frequent seizures and, even though she has been heavily medicated with just about every seizure medication known to be given to children of her age, the seizures are getting worse.

As such, her doctors apparently have decided that a hemispherectomy is the best course of action at this point, as every time my niece has a seizure, her brain is deprived of much-needed oxygen and something else goes wrong. This is how she developed Cerebral Palsy.

The picture of Jennal, above, was taken last month, during her graduation from her early intervention school (which I've previously blogged about (and included an update to)), which, IMHO (and IANAL), was grossly negligent in the care of my niece, Jennal's (to wit: they left her in Epileptic Seizures for extended periods of time without checking on her or doing anything about the seizures); I wish my sister would follow my advice and sue the hell out of the school, as her medical bills continue to mount up and insurance is limited, if not already maxed out. As you can see, she wears a brace on her right arm, of which she has very limited use, and braces on both of her legs.

This second picture (to the left) shows a bit more clearly the braces on her legs; it was taken Halloween 2008.

But I digress. In a few hours, Jennal will begin the testing required for the neurosurgeons to remove a portion of her brain (that has shown no activity since the stroke when she was two days old). They will then leave in place, in her brain, detection equipment to determine whether the removal of the lower lobe of her brain (I can't recall the specific details) has improved her Epilepsy and reduced or eliminated the seizure activity. If they are not satisfied with those results, then a full anatomic hemispherectomy will be performed a week or two later (which is how long it will take them to determine whether or not the partial procedure was successful or not).

The surgery will take place at the New York University Langone Medical Center, Pediatrics Department. Your healing thoughts, energies, and (for those of you who do so) prayers will be most appreciated. Any organisations you know of who can assist (especially financially) in Jennal's condition would also greatly be of interest to my sister and me.

[EDIT]At the end of each blog post in this series about Jennal is a link to the next post, which updates on her condition. So please click on the link below to take you to the first update that I've written about Jennal. At the end of that blog posting is a link to take you to the 2nd update, and so on and so forth. Please read through until the last update posted (the blog post that doesn't have a link to the next update) to get the full story about Jennal and how she, my family, and I are coping with this precarious situation. Thank you![/EDIT]

Please read Update #1 for more information as to Jennal's condition.

QOTD -- Dale Carnegie

2009-07-20T22:21:00.003-04:00

I came across some really great, inspirational, soulful, and wise quotes from the great American writer, lecturer, and creative self-promoter:

"Success is getting what you want.
Happiness is wanting what you get."

"If you believe in what you are doing, then let nothing hold you up in your work. Much of the best work of the world has been done against seeming impossibilities. The thing is to get the work done."

"If you want to gather honey, don't kick over the beehive."

"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."

"Most of us have far more courage than we ever dreamed we possessed."

"People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing."

"Remember happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think."

"The successful man will profit from his mistakes and try again in a different way."

"There are always three speeches, for every one you actually gave. The one you practiced, the one you gave, and the one you wish you gave."

"There is only one way... to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it."

"We all have possibilities we don't know about. We can do things we don't even dream we can do."

"When fate hands you a lemon, make lemonade."

"When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion."

"You can close more business in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you." (also, "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.")

~Dale Carnegie (1888-1955), US writer & lecturer