Coming Out In 2020: Truth and Pride

There is nothing more important to #PRIDE than the Truth and that means even when it may not be very convenient. The #LGBTQ+ community is uniquely situated to handle this quandary because, after the self-realization of identifying as LGBTQIA2S++, one is then faced with perhaps the greatest inconvenient truth of all: the great, big LGBTQ closet.

It's quite unfortunate that I've seen a rise in other such inconvenient truths (and no, not that Inconvenient Truth) since my return to the social web after a hiatus of a few years while I cared for, and then lost my mother as she battled breast cancer for the fourth time. We have come so far in the past 50 years yet have much further to go, especially as a community. I believe that is because we have been fighting for equality when in fact we should be demanding equity and justice.

One needn't look far from the gayborhoods to see the self-harm that staying in the closet does to us. And that's why today, on this 32nd anniversary of National Coming Out Day, I'm going to come out of a few closets that folks may not know I'm in:

1. As if you didn't already know, I'm gay and queer as fuck. If you don't like it or if it's a problem for you, that's your problem. Deal with it. I've done the work on my end. Go get a therapist. Talk it through. You'll feel a lot better.

2. I'm disabled. But not only am I physically disabled due to the injuries I sustained in an automobile accident in 2002 I also am disabled due to mental health issues. I suffer from severe, chronic depression and anxiety disorders. In fact, my depression gets so bad that I can end up in psychiatric hospitalization, often with suicidal thoughts.

Back in the 1990s when I first began experiencing symptoms of depression, I didn't know what was going on. I was in my early 20s, attempting to be one of the youngest graduates of the law school I was attending, and experiencing difficulties. Except, I couldn't put a finger on exactly what those difficulties were. Eventually, I was dismissed by my law school for "poor academic performance" (I was maintaining a "C" average simply by showing up to half the classes and taking the final exam).

I couldn't read the case law being assigned. I could barely concentrate to write the answers on the final exams. I struggled but didn't know why I was struggling or what was causing it. It was the 1990s. Mental health was not a topic of discussion. Thankfully, that has changed.

However, there are still far too many individuals who are struggling with mental health and may not realize it, and then there are those who struggle because of the system. Here's a great list of mental health screening tools you can take online to see if you may need to speak with a doctor or seek further assistance.

3. I'm homeless. I left everything behind in New York, including my subsidized housing for disabled individuals, and permanently moved to Hartford, CT to take care of my mother when her breast cancer came back for the fourth time. When she lost that battle last year, I lost my housing. The system is so screwed up, though, that even though I've been homeless for nearly a year, I've only been "officially homeless" for about five months. I'll be writing more about homelessness and my journey in the coming days and weeks.

4. I'm an addict. I'm addicted to technology, the Internet, and gaming--and there's a slight possibility that I might be a foodaholic and a shopaholic. Everyone needs a smartphone today, but I have to have the latest, greatest phone (form Samsung, of course). If I don't, I feel less than, and it affects my mental health. 

My hands twitch in anticipation of getting a new phone. I can't wait. I yearn (as I am right now for the Note 20 Ultra, which I can't currently afford).

Most of all, I'm addicted to social media, and all of the love from my friends that I've made over the decades in coming out to them about who I am through my own version of storytelling.

As I was reminded this past week, coming out is a process. It is never-ending, and it changes as we grow. And as we grow there are different aspects of us that need to come out of the closet. As can be seen, coming out isn't something that's relegated solely to the LGBTQ community even though it was started by and is still owned by us.

There are individuals right now who are hiding in various closets. It may be someone very close to you, someone you think you might know very well. But they're living in a closet, afraid to come out.

The best thing to do for folks, for everyone, is to let them know that no matter what sort of closet they're living in, it's ok to come out. It's ok to be who you are, and that no matter who you are and what sort of closet you're living in, you'll be accepted and loved.

That's what all of my friends and family have done for me over the years. And it hasn't been until now that I've had the courage to come out of all of my closets.

I hope that this gives you the courage to come out of yours.

Please support my GoFundMe. Thank you!

Homeless, Disabled, and Distraught: Starting Life 2.0

Greetings and salutations. Thank you so much for taking the time to read about my situation and need for assistance. I'm launching the first chapter in what essentially is a new book in my life, so I've dubbed it Life 2.0.

In a nutshell, I'm homeless, disabled, have a plethora of health issues (numerous physical health issues plus severe chronic depression and anxiety), lost my mother to breast cancer a year ago and her sister just passed away in Thailand, successfully fought off a COVID-19 infection, and have only a limited support system. I need help to get back on my feet and make a new start of things, and I'd appreciate your assistance with that.

That being said, I truly appreciate and am grateful to you just for finding and supporting this post and hopefully contributing to my GoFundMe campaign (which you can do right now simply by clicking this link). For other ways to help out, scroll down to the bullet points at the end of this article.

A Bit More About Me...

As I mentioned, I'm a disabled gay man who dropped everything and left my life behind in New York to move to Hartford, CT when my mother's breast cancer came back for the fourth time in order to help take care of her. Previously I'd spent years traveling back and forth to help mom out with a bunch of things. As an immigrant with little education, mom struggled to make a life for herself, and I was happy to form a more solid relationship with her in adulthood, especially as I wasn't raised by her.

My Mother, Kalaya

Late last year, mom lost her battle against breast cancer exactly one day after her 70th birthday. I was devastated, and it's only been within the past few weeks that I've managed to come out of the shock I've experienced from her loss. I've managed to resurface in life, both online and off, after a nearly three- to four-year hiatus of devoting most of my time and energy to her.

As I also mentioned, mom's only sister just passed away. It was exactly two weeks before the one-year anniversary of mom's passing. I'd really like to be able to send some money to my cousins over in Thailand to help with the funeral expenses as well as mom's anniversary celebration that they do in the Buddhist temple and tradition there in Thailand.

After mom's passing last year I had to move out of her apartment and eventually became homeless. The multiple contingency plans I'd made all fell through for one reason or another. My chronic depression combined with grief over mom's loss sent me on another trip to the fun factory (aka a psychiatric hospitalization) as my suicidality went from passive to active. When I was discharged from the hospital, I was sent to a homeless shelter to continue my "recovery."

While at the shelter I contracted COVID-19 and was placed in quarantine for two weeks. When I emerged from quarantine, still with COVID-19 symptoms, I was evicted from the shelter because I had overstayed the 30-day time limit for the recovery program that placed me there.

Along with a few others, I spent a week in the shelter's lobby in a state of homelessness limbo, literally sleeping on chairs. It wasn't until I began "making noise" (as we activists say) that I was re-housed with the homeless population of Hartford, CT in a hotel, else I'd still be in that lobby. We stayed in the hotel from mid-April until the end of August when we moved back to the homeless shelter as the COVID-19 funding ran out. Here at the shelter, I have the delightful privilege of sharing one toilet and one shower with over 50 men, but I do have my own cubicle and lumpy mattress, which does wonders for my back that has been diagnosed with severe spondylosis, among other issues arising from the car accident I was in.

For those wondering, I do receive Social Security Disability Income (SSDI), which I began receiving in 2002 when I became disabled from an automobile accident that kept me in the hospital for nearly a year, in a wheelchair for two years, and on crutches for seven years. I now hobble around for short distances with the aid of a cane. I am unable to walk long distances due to pain and other issues. SSDI is not enough to live on, especially in the northeast region of our country.

If you're truly curious, of the monthly SSDI income I receive, 12.5% goes to pay for my prescription medication (even though I do have insurance that covers the majority of those costs, I still have co-insurance payments), 7.5% to medical insurance premiums, 35% to paying off debt agreements I cannot get out of, and 20% to paying for technology and health aides. That leaves me with 25% of my $1500 monthly disability income--or just $375--to pay for rent, utilities, food, transportation, clothing, household supplies, and other expenses. Suffice it to say, it's not enough, especially when the rent alone for a one-bedroom apartment in this area averages $1341 per month. So exactly how is one expected to be able to survive (let alone live) when the average market rate for rent is more than the average social security payment—insane, right?

In addition to some form of subsidized housing (which, unlike in other parts of the nation, take years if not decades to obtain here), I obviously need to supplement my income. To do this I'm working on re-opening and expanding my business to offer a number of professional services ranging from consulting, coaching, event planning, fundraising, business development, marketing, social media, writing, journalism, decorating, and as I'm a Justice of the Peace, performing weddings in the State of Connecticut. Additionally, I can offer savings on the energy distribution portion of utility bills in over 17 markets and zero-down home solar panel installation in over 10 markets.

For all of this to happen, I'll need to get and furnish a home, take better care of my health (both physical and mental), pay off all my past debts (not just some as I'm doing now), replenish my important possessions, and pay for a number of business expenses (including a web site as well as recurring social media tools and monthly app fees).

That's where you come in: I'm asking for your help to get my life back, to start a new chapter, to turn the page. In reality, though, it's more like starting a new book. I will be eternally grateful to everyone who contributes, and of course, if I can offer any of my services to you, let's have a conversation about that!

Me, being homeless during the COVID-19 pandemic

Please know that this is no easy thing for me to do, asking others for help. Like most men, I have great difficulty in asking for help for myself. However, unlike most men, this doesn't come from a sense of ego. Rather, it's because, for most of my life, I've derived such immense pleasure from helping others that it is a primary source of joy and gratitude and thus, a way of life for me. So I truly enjoy helping others and have no problems when it comes to asking for help for others, just when it comes to asking for help when it's me who is the person needing the help.

In the coming days and weeks I'll be writing more about what's happened that's caused me to be in a human "incognito mode," as well as chronicling my journey into homelessness and hopefully the return therefrom. I'll also be detailing a bit more about what the money I'm asking for will be going towards. Finally, I'll be answering any questions I receive about this funding campaign for everyone to read, probably in the form of a FAQ. Please follow my writings on my blog here.

Once again, thank you for staying with me this far. I do hope you'll stick with me for the rest of my journey. I look forward to hearing from friends old and new and to meeting some great, new folks who can support me on this journey I'm calling Life 2.0.

If you'd like to help out and don't wish to use GoFundMe, here are some other ways you can provide assistance:

• I could use gift cards, especially to Amazon, BJ's Wholesale Club, Starbucks, Lyft, and CVS Pharmacy (use my email address)
• Support me on Patreon to help me continue my journalistic work and personal writing experiences on my blog
• You can send money to me via Zelle (bank-to-bank transfer using my email address), CashApp ($petercfrank), Venmo, or PayPal, BitCoin (ask me for my Bitcoin wallet address or use my email address, which you can also use for PayPal)
• I have an Amazon Wish List that you can order items I need and send directly to me but bear in mind that I currently stay in a shelter and have no space to keep or store items beyond bare essentials.
• I love receiving gifts (who doesn't?), especially of handmade items and baked goods (what can I say, I have such the sweet tooth!). Did somebody say chocolate? Please contact me directly for a mailing address. But note that due to the fact that I currently am in staying in a homeless shelter, I am very limited in what I am able to receive here.
• More importantly, I love being able to give gifts. So even though I may not be able to do so now, please share your Amazon Wish Lists with me, or just leave a comment and let me know what sort of things make you happy and brighten your day!
• If you're in or passing through the greater Hartford, CT area, I'd love to meet up with you for a cuppa (especially a Chai latte at SBUX) or some other tea house. Perhaps a short stroll through Elizabeth Park or West Farm Mall. Something to just get out, stretch my legs, mind, and be with positive people. If you can provide transportation, I can provide some great company and conversation. Contact me to arrange an adult play date. It would mean the world to me (and yes, of course, I'll wear a mask!).

I am ever so grateful that you are
with me on this journey into Life 2.0.