Coming Out In 2020: Truth and Pride

There is nothing more important to #PRIDE than the Truth and that means even when it may not be very convenient. The #LGBTQ+ community is uniquely situated to handle this quandary because, after the self-realization of identifying as LGBTQIA2S++, one is then faced with perhaps the greatest inconvenient truth of all: the great, big LGBTQ closet.

It's quite unfortunate that I've seen a rise in other such inconvenient truths (and no, not that Inconvenient Truth) since my return to the social web after a hiatus of a few years while I cared for, and then lost my mother as she battled breast cancer for the fourth time. We have come so far in the past 50 years yet have much further to go, especially as a community. I believe that is because we have been fighting for equality when in fact we should be demanding equity and justice.

One needn't look far from the gayborhoods to see the self-harm that staying in the closet does to us. And that's why today, on this 32nd anniversary of National Coming Out Day, I'm going to come out of a few closets that folks may not know I'm in:

1. As if you didn't already know, I'm gay and queer as fuck. If you don't like it or if it's a problem for you, that's your problem. Deal with it. I've done the work on my end. Go get a therapist. Talk it through. You'll feel a lot better.

2. I'm disabled. But not only am I physically disabled due to the injuries I sustained in an automobile accident in 2002 I also am disabled due to mental health issues. I suffer from severe, chronic depression and anxiety disorders. In fact, my depression gets so bad that I can end up in psychiatric hospitalization, often with suicidal thoughts.

Back in the 1990s when I first began experiencing symptoms of depression, I didn't know what was going on. I was in my early 20s, attempting to be one of the youngest graduates of the law school I was attending, and experiencing difficulties. Except, I couldn't put a finger on exactly what those difficulties were. Eventually, I was dismissed by my law school for "poor academic performance" (I was maintaining a "C" average simply by showing up to half the classes and taking the final exam).

I couldn't read the case law being assigned. I could barely concentrate to write the answers on the final exams. I struggled but didn't know why I was struggling or what was causing it. It was the 1990s. Mental health was not a topic of discussion. Thankfully, that has changed.

However, there are still far too many individuals who are struggling with mental health and may not realize it, and then there are those who struggle because of the system. Here's a great list of mental health screening tools you can take online to see if you may need to speak with a doctor or seek further assistance.

3. I'm homeless. I left everything behind in New York, including my subsidized housing for disabled individuals, and permanently moved to Hartford, CT to take care of my mother when her breast cancer came back for the fourth time. When she lost that battle last year, I lost my housing. The system is so screwed up, though, that even though I've been homeless for nearly a year, I've only been "officially homeless" for about five months. I'll be writing more about homelessness and my journey in the coming days and weeks.

4. I'm an addict. I'm addicted to technology, the Internet, and gaming--and there's a slight possibility that I might be a foodaholic and a shopaholic. Everyone needs a smartphone today, but I have to have the latest, greatest phone (form Samsung, of course). If I don't, I feel less than, and it affects my mental health. 

My hands twitch in anticipation of getting a new phone. I can't wait. I yearn (as I am right now for the Note 20 Ultra, which I can't currently afford).

Most of all, I'm addicted to social media, and all of the love from my friends that I've made over the decades in coming out to them about who I am through my own version of storytelling.

As I was reminded this past week, coming out is a process. It is never-ending, and it changes as we grow. And as we grow there are different aspects of us that need to come out of the closet. As can be seen, coming out isn't something that's relegated solely to the LGBTQ community even though it was started by and is still owned by us.

There are individuals right now who are hiding in various closets. It may be someone very close to you, someone you think you might know very well. But they're living in a closet, afraid to come out.

The best thing to do for folks, for everyone, is to let them know that no matter what sort of closet they're living in, it's ok to come out. It's ok to be who you are, and that no matter who you are and what sort of closet you're living in, you'll be accepted and loved.

That's what all of my friends and family have done for me over the years. And it hasn't been until now that I've had the courage to come out of all of my closets.

I hope that this gives you the courage to come out of yours.

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