Folks, I know I've been absent from cyberspaces throughout the realms but I would be remiss were I not to make every effort to bring forth this warning about some very strange and dangerous goings-on as a result of the COVID-19 virus and how governments worldwide are dealing with this pandemic.
I have it on the most excellent authority that people are, once again, going bonkers from being all couped up in quarantine due to the COVID-19 pandemic. But this time, folks are going nutters in thoroughly difficult and inexplicably peculiar ways. After conferencing in the microwave and toaster oven while sipping a cuppa from the KEURIG® over Zoom from my Sealy™ Posturepedic®, we all agreed that things are getting really bad out there.
It was at this point that we received an urgent request from the KitchenAid® to join the conference, who provided some invaluable intelligence on just how mixed up things have become. Particularly, the toaster oven expressed grave consternation about the latest heat map of COVID-19 cases. It really became frightful when the Hoover® reported that people suffering from this novel coronavirus felt as if all the air had been sucked out from their lungs. The Maytag® picked up on this with her spin-factor, adding that folks with COVID-19 feel like they've been wrung out and left to dry. Beginning to panic, we all agreed that absolutely nothing was to be said to the Frigidaire® due to his ever-cold and distant disposition.
The Rowenta® was finally able to placate us when she burst in that everything will be fine because no situation is too wrinkled that a good pressing can't fix. The Cuisinart® wasn't the least bit sympathetic, though, suggesting that folks were getting way too chopped up over everything. The Vornado then circulated reassuringly constant hope throughout the room that these uncertain times would shortly blow over. Unfortunately, the toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and he kept schtum, while the sink gurgled up something about it all going down the drain.
We were about to completely lose it when the Yale Assure told us to get a grip. The front door complained that we were becoming unhinged, while the curtains admonished us about a potential cover-up of the gravest facts, advising that we simply pull it together. All the Levelors did was complain about how blind everyone was to the facts. Naturally, the wireless tuned in and proposed that we see a show so the tube threw down with a bit of Broadway's latest hit, Hamilton (and I still can't figure out why it's become so popular).
At that point, Alexa butted into the conversation because she was eavesdropping again. When I asked Google what to do about everything he suggested that I get an Assistant. When I did that, the Assistant checked the food in the Samsung Smart Refrigerator and ordered us a pizza with a coupon it found on GrubHub to save 25% off the order.
So now I'm just sitting here with a can of Lysol® in each hand and what's left of my rubbing alcohol (because the Assistant just read me a warning about hand sanitizers having manufacturing problems making them unsafe) waiting for the delivery driver to show up in its Tesla and hope my Chevy doesn't get jealous and clog up the atmosphere again, praying the pizza is still warm because the Viking oven blew a fuse when it got too hot and burnt dinner and now none of the appliances are talking to me other than the Ring, who chimed in that he misses capturing people walking by because everyone is holed up in their homes due to the COVID-19 quarantine!
